What do people do for childcare if they've no family help?

[Mustardandchickensandwiches]

Feeling exhausted so be gentle. DC 10 and 6

Desperate for a holiday away from my children. I love them very much but they are with me all.the.time.

My husband is stressed and depressed, I am just fed up of the daily humdrum and the tantrums and rudeness from 10yr old.

I want to take my husband away for some us time. But we have nobody who would care for the children. Not even for a few hours.

I know this is probably a very first world problem and I know I've probably just got to suck it up but just in case, anyone got any ideas?

I sympathise @Mustardandchickensandwiches . We have no one either. My friends just don’t get it, some grandparents have children overnight weekly, some
for a whole week at a time in school holidays. It’s a different world.

When we lived abroad from all family we paid for a babysitter. Not all that frequently of course due to the cost, but I felt it was important for my mental health and our relationship to have some time off together and also have someone the kids were used to in case there was any kind of emergency. We used a girl who worked in their nursery, and also a Neighbour’s teenage daughter. My kids loved them both!

My friend (also with no local family) found a regular babysitter for the summer holidays and then paid her to stay at her house for a weekend when she and her DH went to a wedding. Not cheap, but they really wanted to go! The girl was a uni student home for the summer and was really lovely, and more than happy to take the extra work.

I’m in your situation, too. I totally get it.

Have you considered a holiday with very good childcare?

This isn't any good for couple time, but once or twice a year dh or I take our boys away for a couple of nights so that the other can have a break, or take one away for some 1-1 time for both pairs.

Ds1 is now old enough to babysit ds2 now though so we've been able to have hassle free nights out for the last 12 months which has been amazing - your time will come.

Do you use childcare in the holidays/after school? If so you have access to some trained childcare, so you could start with babysitting.
You might not be able to get time properly away with your DH but between school, after school and a babysitter you could get some long days away.
Or a family friendly break with kids club and evening babysitters so you can both get some downtime?

It does sound like you both, and especially your DH, need an opportunity to decompress. I hope you can make some time. Good luck

We’ve not had a night away from the kids since ds2 was born however once every 6 weeks or so we book a day off together and spend 9-5 together (school and childminder time) we go for breakfast and just take some tome for us.

Staff at nurseries or after school clubs often do a bit of babysitting on the side. I used mainly local teenagers though as they were cheaper (and my kids loved them) To get sleepovers established start by inviting them over to yours. If you know anyone with two kids who might pair up with both of yours that would be an ideal start.

PGL take from 7 for their kids residential summer camps I think.

Or a simple and free way to get a bit of time with your DH would be just to take a day off and spend time together while the kids are at school.

We do this one weekend a year each to give each other some breathing space to stop us from both going insane.

I miss my husband terribly though ☹️ it's the couple time we need.

We can't even have an adult conversation in the house without the sodding kids interrupting. DH was trying to tell me yesterday morning that he had started looking for a new job and why (because he is unhappy in current place) and they BOTH just started asking inane, irrelevant questions.

You can tell I'm feeling it lately can't you.

I do like this idea. I hadn't thought of that 😊

Not sure what your budget is but when ours were little (we also had one with severe learning difficulties so childcare was tricky) we used to go to hotels in this chain

https://www.luxuryfamilyhotels.co.uk/

They had kids clubs during the day, early afternoon tea for the children and then they would do a movie night for the kids whilst the adults had dinner in the restaurant. You could also choose your room set up - could have a suite or interconnecting rooms so that you don’t all have to be in the same room at night.

We’ve been to Fowey Hall, Woolley Grange, Moonfleet Manor and the Ickworth and all were fantastic! Some we’ve been to more than once.

You don’t have to spend the whole day apart from your kids but you can definitely have some grown up time. They all have great spas and swimming pools too.

There are online nanny and babysitting services where you can find people offering babysitting or nanny services.

You need to register, and there may be a fee, but you get access to a pipeline of people offering childcare services.

If your children are as badly behaved as you portray them, however, a holiday is only going to offer temporary respite.

You need to tackle the behaviour. 'How to Talk so Kids Will Listen & Listen so Kids Will Talk' by Faber and Mazlish might be a good starting point for your family.

What time do the kids go to bed? What time do you go to bed? We have zero childcare outside of school, we make a point of having an hour together in the evening and then like someone else posted, every now and then use annual leave for a day together in school hours! Not expecting a night/holiday away for a decade at least!

I go on child friendly holidays. Look at holiday village type of holidays or hotels with a waterpark OP.

I have nobody really so have to holiday with DS. I use paid childcare and can always book an extra day if I really needed the rest. DS dad does EOW.

We’ve never had a holiday without the kids-always go together.

Join Sitters if you want a babysitter though?

Might be worth advertising on a local town/area Facebook group for someone, old older teen/early 20's needing extra money may be interested, also older women who's children have left home but no grandchildren yet in need of extra money (my demographic) obviously you need to carefully vet anyone then try them for a shorter time eg 2 hours stay local, but if they are a good fit booking for a couple of overnights is possible, I've managed it when mine were younger (I've never lived near family)

We pay a babysitter, have a weekly home date night when the kids are in bed and pay for holiday clubs etc so we can go for lunch together even a few hours together without kids regularly makes a huge difference to us both.

Ask on local Fb page for nannies or babysitters

Get to know a few then go away for a night and they will stay in your house

You could do a play date /overnight b it if they are I'll/want to come home etx if never stayed Away you may have your break cut short

Nanny agency have many nannies if want one vetted but you pay a fee every time you use them

What area are you in

Where have i said they're badly behaved?

They're doing normal kid things. I just get no respite.

Regardless, please stick to topic, I didn't ask for that kind of advice. Thanks though.

There is a FE college in the next town to us which does childcare courses. The students often advertised as babysitters and they came with references from the college. One of my friends used them overnight a couple of times.

We were fortunate enough to have friends in the same position so we would have all the children for a day or half day then they would do the same. The DC all loved it and are still good friends in their 20s.

Join brownies or cubs. Ask if there's any older helpers or young leaders who are interested in babysitting. Your children will know them already then. Can choose their favourite.

We don't really - we've never had a night away just us and kids are 16&12. It's just the way it is, I find accepting it makes it easier tbh.

Very very rarely, I'll book a day of annual leave when my DC is in school or holiday childcare. I've got one planned for next month. I'll be going to a sauna and a local beach for a sea swim.

I think a holiday away is probably one end of a spectrum.
Days off together when the kids are at school. Keep going with the babysitters.
Keep with "bedtime at 8, but you don't have to switch the lights out til" and let the lights out get later, but not the "upstairs" bit.
We are fortunate that my parents will take them overnight - but both are at secondary now, and we are probably talking half a dozen nights across the years. DS1 will go away with various groups, but DS2 is very much of a homebody and doesn't want to join. It is very, very, rare we get time together without a child now I work in a school.
I hope you find a way to carve out a bit of time for you both.

I know it's not quite the same, but how about holidays with kids clubs? Cruises have kids clubs than run until midnight

Yes, Sitters are an agency and very reliable. I've used them loads over a long period and they've never let me down. It sounds to me as if you need to carve out some time for yourselves on a regular basis, rather than a holiday or one off.

Is there a club or activity they could both do at the same time?

Holiday clubs is a good shout - book for them to go and you book annual leave and have days out!

Or I wonder if you could initiate cinema night on Friday nights where they watch a film with popcorn and you have an adult dinner and conversation.