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Parenting

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Original poster

Daughter having casual sex

54 replies

LisaK76 · 11/04/2023 06:51

I’ve come here because I need a bit of help. My daughter (18) went off to Uni this year and broke up with her boyfriend a few months in. We’re very open when it comes to sex and I was comfortable with her and her boyfriend doing it discreetly in her bedroom. She’s recently told me that since she broke up with her boyfriend, she’s been having casual sex with a number of different guys, which I understand is pretty normal at university.

The problem I have is she has asked if I’d be comfortable with her bringing boys round when she is back home. I don’t know whether I’m comfortable with it. Has anyone else had similar experiences and if so how do I handle it? I’d rather know what she’s doing than her needing to hide things from me.

OP posts:

ShowUs · 11/04/2023 12:49

Of course not.

She is asking because it’s a roundabout way of asking you to put boundaries in place.

You need to help her navigate adulthood by discouraging this sort of behaviour.

I was absolutely no angel but I put myself in some very dangerous situations and I regularly wonder how something more serious didn’t happen to me.
I did become a single teenage mum with no qualifications and you do not want your DD going down the same path.

WonderingWanda · 11/04/2023 13:24

I think it's totally reasonable to say no in these circumstances. When she is away at Uni she can do as she likes. Think about it the other way. If you were single and she lived at home would you subject her to you bringing home a string of one night stands? I wouldn't and I think it's fine to have some boundaries in the family home.

FinallyHere · 11/04/2023 14:29

AtLastShrugs · 11/04/2023 06:59

Firstly, you sound like a great mum.

Secondly, I think you need to think carefully about how it would make you feel. If it makes you uncomfortable then that's a perfectly reasonable feeling and you can just tell her that she can do what she likes at uni but at your home is a shared space for all of you so everyone needs to be comfortable with who's coming by?

My own parents resolved this by being extremely friendly and chatty with anyone I brought over, so I was only willing to subject someone to that if I thought they were longer-term material!

This

Not many 'casual' partners will be ready and willing to to visit the parental home.

Is she really having casual partners or is she trying out how you might respond to that situation. Has she perhaps encountered different mores away from home and is trying out the thought of them, rather than the actuality ?

My DM jumped to every false conclusion when I was away from home. Rather than point this out, I tended to distort the truth to feed her paranoia

You sounds pretty level headed to me. I'd encourage her to remain open and let her tell me how she is finding casual sex.

steph21282 · 22/04/2023 21:05

I have always encouraged my daughter to talk to me and would never mind her bringing a guy home if she is in my house I can help her if any issue came up

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