When did you start to spend time away from your baby?

[OhBanana]

For context DD is just coming up to three months. I haven’t really had any desire to spend time away from her. I’m very lucky, I’m coping really well, she sleeps so I sleep, a bit of reflux but not colicky or anything so overall so far has been an ‘easy’ baby (I’m sure that will all change at some point haha!) - but generally feel grateful and loving mum life!

BUT MIL at least once a week says in person or via text ‘let me know when you want us to come and look after DD so you can have a break’ - at first it was a nice offer and now it’s grating on me a little bit. She’s also asked for dates when I’m doing a few weeks back at work in the summer so she can have DD but I explained DP has already booked the weeks off work to spend time with DD and her response was ‘well I can have her if he has to work’ but he won’t have to, he will be on AL (she will see DD in that time though, they live locally and see her at least once a week, I make a point to take her on the weekend if I haven’t had a chance in the week!)

Previous to baby we saw them around once a month for birthdays, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day etc so once a week is a lot for us. She was also NC with my partner for a good 6 months before we started trying for a baby but he decided to reconcile so our child could have a relationship with her (he went NC not her). (A control/manipulation issue on her part)

ANYWAY my point really is that I’m wondering when you started spending time away from your LO or started leaving them with family?

I plan to start spending a few hours out and building up whilst leaving her with DP over the next few weeks/months to help build up to my weeks back at work but we just don’t feel like we need to leave her with family yet. But maybe we need to get her ‘used’ to being away from us… she’s my first so I’m not sure what is ‘normal’

DS first slept out at 3 months old. I went back to work when he was 9 months

Not really for the first year or so, only if I had an appt and was awkward to take DC. Even then I missed them, so had to be in their best interest.

sounds like MIL is desperate for time with them just them, it’s sweet but a little intense I imagine.
only do it if you want to, your baby so your rules.

God I hate how some people assume everyone struggles at motherhood and wants time out. I also hate how some people, usually in laws, assume it’s their right to have the child alone. Why? You just happen to be my partners parent that doesn’t mean you have to right to take my child ‘off me’

my little one is a year and a half. The most I’ve spent away from him is 3 hours and that was on two occasions. I just have no desire to be away from him, I’m happiest when we’re together and I thrive at motherhood. Don’t get me wrong I get why others may need a break and there’s nothing wrong with that, we are all different.

soenf time to yourself when you want to OP

It’s up to you not your mil, she had her turn when she raised your partner! I had the same problem with an overbearing mil and I wish I put my foot down more! Do things only when you’re ready

Just to clarify that while i did leave my babies with DH when they were little i wasn't struggling with motherhood or needing time out. It was just getting on with life. The suggestion that anyone leaving a baby needs time out and isn't coping with being a parent is ridiculous.

Two weeks before I returned to work. I left my baby with her dad for a few hours and it felt so alien for all of us despite her being nearly a year old.

I did evening work for a cleaning company for 3 hours twice a week.

Before that, the most I left her was from 6 months if I had a dental appointment etc. My friends were all the same and their children never left their side until they were 3-6 years old.

It maybe common in the UK but it's not healthy for an infant to be without their mother for long periods of time.

Remember it's the babies needs not the adults that is the priority.

Back to work when baby was 10 weeks (third baby though so definitely not as precious).

@Nowthenhere

My friends were all the same and their children never left their side until they were 3-6 years old.

They were all very fortunate not to need jobs.

😆 I don't think leaving children with their father counts as 'leaving them with family'

I’m on my third baby now (all have been ebf) though this one has a different dad to the first two. I’ve learned from my mistakes with the others and from 6 weeks we have been giving expressed milk in a bottle once a day so I can leave him if I want to. From a week in I have been leaving dp to look after baby for a couple of hours while I have a bath (so still in the same house just in case). Then he goes on walks with dp, or I will walk to the local shop without baby. At 8 weeks I ended up leaving baby with my most trusted friend to go on a team event and that was fine, just over 5 hours, though he was only 10 minutes away so I could get to him if he needed feeding and wouldn’t take the bottles.
Just recently dp will take him out on errands if he’s just been fed.
For me it’s important to not be the only one who can look after the baby, but I’d say start with baby’s dad first before grandparents etc.

The suggestion that anyone leaving a baby needs time out and isn't coping with being a parent is ridiculous.

I totally agree with this, it wasn’t about needing the time for me, it was wanting it. Though I had become a mother that wasn’t all I was. I didn’t count baby being looked after by dad as leaving her either, his baby too, equal responsibilities. I bottle fed and my Mum babysat overnight from 2 weeks. My daughter is 28 now and so close to widowed Mum, they have a lovely relationship.

MIL also babysat, just not overnight (her decision).

DMil flew over to stay when DT’s came out of hospital. DH and I had several trips out for dinner whilst she was here. I had some lunches with friends on weekends whilst on maternity leave and DH wasn’t at work. I went back to work full time when they were six months and two of the nursery staff became our babysitters so we could go out one night a week.

My youngest is 69months old (nearly 6yrs) & we left our three for the first time overnight for the 1st time, earlier this year.

We’ve had offers from my parents however I have huge anxiety about leaving the kids. Thankfully my other half & my parents are very understanding & supportive of how I am. I wholeheartedly trust my parents with my kids - they did a fab job raising my siblings & I. However, I was pushed into an awkward situation by my in-laws which I’m still regretful for even now (9yrs has passed since the incident). For transparency, in-laws are as old as my grandparents & it’s been a long time since they were around babies. I wasn’t comfortable with them taking our eldest (then 9m or so) out but I felt I should. The walk they’d said they were taking eldest on, turned in to a snack at a local cafe. Later I was contacted by a worried friend of a friend to say she’d intervened as my in-laws were trying to feed my eldest a completely inappropriate snack. She was worried about a possible choking incident. I am still to this day eternally grateful for her intervention; & the ‘help’ / ‘walks’ stopped that day - my other half trying to explain to their parents the seriousness of the situation, which, if truth be told, wasn’t well received. Instead, in-laws came to us every week, played with grandkids while I was doing housework etc. I was far more comfortable with this setup.

We were very fortunate that when I returned to work, albeit it in a very part time capacity, other half stayed at home with the kids. This definitely helped my anxiety.

Go with your pace. 9 years later I still regret I didn’t stick to my intuition that it wasn’t the right time for me.

When she started going to nursery - before that it was just a quick hair or nail appt, but she was with DP.
Overnight is still super hard (for me) but DP and DD get on really well. We haven’t left get overnight though with someone else - she’s 2.5 now and I don’t know if we’re ready for that yet. Family is far away and I don’t have a babysitter. It works though, we don’t mind at all.

2 weeks for a few hours and 6 weeks for overnight. I went back to work full time at 12 weeks.

He’s just turned 4 months and generally, family will have him overnight once a month or so.

Do what you and DH are comfortable with! With my eldest, the first time she was away from me for more than an hour was when DH took her to a birthday party when she was 10 months. I went back to work just before she was a year. She didn't do an overnight without me until she was nearly 4. She's a perfectly well adjusted 6 year old, as independent as any her age. There's no need to "get them used" to things until they/you want to do them! She had sleepovers at that she because she asked for one.

My younger 2 were more complicated because they were twins, so my parents would often help by handling one while I did the other or by taking them out for a walk in the pram to nap while I expressed or spent time with my eldest. But the only time they've been separated from me at night was when I had to be in hospital with one of them, so my parents stayed at my house to look after the other twin so that DH could concentrate on ST (who was very worried about her baby brother).

There is no standard way of doing this. Some families like to keep kids physically close in the early years (and I mean YEARS) and some are happy for them to stay with family from early on. You shouldn't feel you have to do anything you're not comfortable with. Do whatever works for you and your family and don't feel guilty about whatever you choose.

My PIL were the same but I never gave in. They were totally inexperienced and very clumsy. DH was raised by his live-in grandmother. I had great neighbours who sometimes nipped in for a few minutes so I could run to the baker's or such, otherwise I always took my babies with me. PIL babysat a few times when my children were already toddlers - stopped when I discovered they kept the children up till very late to change the channels on the TV for them. I recently was alone with my grandaughter for the first time : my daughter needed to pick up her older child from daycare. She was gone for 20 minutes, the little one is 6 months. 😊

DD had an evening with her godmother (about 4 hours) when she was a little over 5 months old so DH I could got to the theatre to see a play I was desperate to see.

Prior to that, I had left her with DH when I had medical appointments or shopping to do. That was never longer than 2-3 hours.

We don’t have any family nearby so nobody ever begged to babysit (although her godmother and our lovely neighbour were both very willing). It might have been different if we had been near close family.

Other than when family flew in for visits, we didn’t have any family in the uk but used two of the staff at DT’s nursery as babysitters. Worked really well. DT’s knew them if they woke up and we had the reassurance that they were in good hands.

There is no right time. It is entirely up to you! Even now I’m not particularly happy leaving my kids - they are 15 and 12 - with anyone apart from my DH. Some people will think that’s odd but I don’t really care what other people think. I remember having to go to a meeting once for work when my eldest was about 2. It was on a day that I didn’t usually work so I didn’t have nursery arranged for that day. My in-laws offered to come to ours to look after my DD for a couple of hours. I came home to my DD screaming and, from the smell, she clearly had a dirty nappy. My MIL told me that she “doesn’t do nappies” so from then on she didn’t do babysitting either.

I have really only ever left my baby with my husband . (Baby is one). Mil took him out for a walk perhaps 3 times. She might have held him while I had a shower a couple of times. And she was living with us! I don't feel the need for time away personally.
Not for the first year anyway

I mean I don’t like leaving them overnight with anyone apart from DH.

an hour or 2 with a close friend or family member so I could nap, shower, cook etc - from birth

I think I actually left the house without my eldest for the first time when he was about 9 months but that was only to go for a run 🤣 not very exciting

started childcare between 12-18 months

first sleepovers with grandparents/godparents from 2 years old ish

For a few hours - pretty early. Certainly by 6 months, but I'd only leave once dc was asleep for the night and chances were high they wouldn't wake up for at least four hours. I breastfed to sleep so it had to be me. I also left the baby with Nan and a friend for a few hours in the day time to go to the cinema with DH a couple of times.

I still haven't left dc overnight after over two years. I probably could, but I don't really want to.

Everyone’s different. I went to Milan for 4 nights when my child was 5 weeks - he was left with my mum. I didn’t feel guilt or anxiety and felt I really needed it for my mental well-being. He stays out at my parents every other week now and he’s 4. We’re really close and I don’t see why it’s frowned upon to spend time away from your baby. It’s personal preference and I know the majority of people would be like ‘oh I could NEVER leave my child that early’ yawn.