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Original poster

Family holiday WWYD?

70 replies

Marzipangirl3 · 03/04/2023 15:31

DH’s side of the family have arranged a holiday for the Summer in the UK. DC will be 6 months old when the holiday is booked for. Including stopping for feeds and safety due to baby being in car seat, the journey will take us around 8 hours (provided no heavy traffic) there and 8 hours back. The holiday is during the week but we cannot go for the first two days as DH need to be in the office (he can’t take the days off). So essentially we’d be missing two days, travelling down on the third day and missing most of that, there for the full fourth day and travelling back on the fifth day. DH does very little mental load or physical load so all the preparation for us as a family would be on me. I wouldn’t mind if it was an actual holiday but it doesn’t feel like one at all. Then there’s the cost…. We have to still pay in full for our share of the accommodation, then there’s fuel plus food whilst we’re there. Accommodation and fuel alone will be around £1000 minimum.

WWYD? I feel like it’s impractical for us to go as a family so I should maybe just tell DH to go on his own? I’m very used to parenting alone anyway so it won’t make much of a difference, in fact I’ll have one less person making a mess that I have to clean up!

OP posts:
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Ursualesther · 03/04/2023 15:35

Sounds awful

speaks volumes at how inconsiderate the family is not to have thought or consulted you

and concerning your dh does so very little

shit show stamped all over it and I would have nothing to do with it myself

Ursualesther · 03/04/2023 15:36

And sure as heck not make my baby endure jt

You are a parent now op

time to advocate for yourself and your child. Doesn’t look like your husband will

Ursualesther · 03/04/2023 15:36

I’ll take a punt that you and his family don’t generally get on

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justathought69 · 03/04/2023 15:37

Him having to work 2 days of the holiday means that you cant go, end of.

Bunnyhascovidnoteggs · 03/04/2023 15:37

Paying full? Like fuck..
Back out now. Sorry can't do.

Blame dh's job.

He can explain..

Purplecatshopaholic · 03/04/2023 15:41

Bunnyhascovidnoteggs · 03/04/2023 15:37

Paying full? Like fuck..
Back out now. Sorry can't do.

Blame dh's job.

He can explain..

Totally this. There’s no way I would be entertaining this. Just say no, it doesn’t suit.

Cherrybl0ssm · 03/04/2023 15:44

Can you go before DH? Get as close as possible by train with minimum luggage. Get collected by relatives.
Then DH come later.

StopMindlesslyScrolling · 03/04/2023 15:49

I wouldn't spend £1k of my money on that; it sounds shit.

Just say you'll join them another time when DH can get the time off work and leave them to it.

Snoken · 03/04/2023 15:49

No way would I travel that far for what is essentially a one day holiday, nor would I pay that much for it. I would maybe entertain the idea of going if you stay somewhere else nearby so that you only have to pay for the nights you need and then you stay on for a few more days after the rest of the family have left.

Asummersday · 03/04/2023 15:52

Absolutely not, sounds like insanity. 16 hour round trip for 1 day?!?

BrieAndChilli · 03/04/2023 15:56

could you go in the evening after DH finishes work? baby would probably sleep more in the evening than if you travelled in the day?

Would flying make it quicker/easier?

ChimChimeny · 03/04/2023 15:56

I wouldn't even consider DH going on his own, what a waste of time & money

Original poster
Marzipangirl3 · 03/04/2023 16:03

BrieAndChilli · 03/04/2023 15:56

could you go in the evening after DH finishes work? baby would probably sleep more in the evening than if you travelled in the day?

Would flying make it quicker/easier?

Possibly but DH doesn’t get home until 6:30pm, so it’d be an 8 hour journey from then. We wouldn’t get there til 2:30am roughly. Currently, baby wakes at 4:30am for a feed, then up for the day at 7:00am so I’m not sure how practical is would be if we did that. DH would refuse to get up with baby if he’d driven to the destination (not that he does anyway) so I’d be running on empty for the first day at least, or would be stuck in the accommodation alone whilst everyone went out for the day trying to catch up on sleep.

OP posts:
Number24Bus · 03/04/2023 16:04

I'd do this if it was a 2-3 hour journey. 8 hours - not a chance!

Leftoverssandwich · 03/04/2023 16:04

Do your in-laws know all this? What have they said?

Ursualesther · 03/04/2023 16:06

op you have bigger problems than this

your marriage

your in laws

Gymmum82 · 03/04/2023 16:10

Doesn’t seem worth it really. We’re driving from the north of England to Cornwall which will take similar time but are going for a full week and even that journey I’m not looking forward to with 2 kids.
plus paying £1k for a day or 2. Arrange you’re own holiday and say thanks but no thanks to this one

WishingIWasOnHoliday · 03/04/2023 16:10

But he would still have to pay the accommodation/fuel/food costs whether you went or not? So you woulndt be saving anything.

You don’t sound very complimentary of him OP, is it more that you don’t really want to go/spend time with him anyway and the distance and lack of time there is a good reason to not have to go? Would you rather none of you went, or just he went on his own?

Topseyt123 · 03/04/2023 16:11

I just wouldn't go. Sounds like my idea of hell. I'd stay at home with the baby.

If DH is desperate to go then he can go by himself.

WishingIWasOnHoliday · 03/04/2023 16:12

Just to add when I say you don’t sound complimentary, he sounds like he doesn’t contribute much, so I don’t blame you, it was just an observation that you might prefer to have time without him anyway!

Lcb123 · 03/04/2023 16:12

Can you ahead with baby so you get the full week? Either drive yourself and he gets train or vice versa.

aSofaNearYou · 03/04/2023 16:13

£1000 for only one full day? No way.

GoodVibesHere · 03/04/2023 16:14

I wouldn't drive that far even for 3 days, never mind just 1 day!!

Absolutely no point doing it.

Original poster
Marzipangirl3 · 03/04/2023 16:16

Yes, they do know but they’re not bothered as to whether it suits us. It’s been planned and booked whether we can make it or not. I’m not really seen as family, as baby is mine, I think by extension they aren’t either. Not too sure tbh, I’d never ask as it’s one of those situations where they aren’t fussed on us but I can’t force them to be.

Equally, if me and baby do go, and they want to go out for meals or stay up late having drinks etc, I will just be sat in the accommodation or bedroom alone doing bedtime with baby anyway as DH sees it as his holiday with his family.

Also, have looked into flying and as we live 1.5 hours from nearest airport that flies to Newquay, plus we’d need to hire a car it would cost an extra £450 on top!!!

OP posts:
Leftoverssandwich · 03/04/2023 16:20

What would happen if you just said you couldn't go and wouldn't be contributing? What discussions happened in the booking about what would suit everyone?

We're going on a family holiday in various in-laws later this year and although the various planning conversations are driving me slowly mad, at least they have more or less captured the needs of us all along the way.