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Original poster

Family holiday WWYD?

70 replies

Marzipangirl3 · 03/04/2023 15:31

DH’s side of the family have arranged a holiday for the Summer in the UK. DC will be 6 months old when the holiday is booked for. Including stopping for feeds and safety due to baby being in car seat, the journey will take us around 8 hours (provided no heavy traffic) there and 8 hours back. The holiday is during the week but we cannot go for the first two days as DH need to be in the office (he can’t take the days off). So essentially we’d be missing two days, travelling down on the third day and missing most of that, there for the full fourth day and travelling back on the fifth day. DH does very little mental load or physical load so all the preparation for us as a family would be on me. I wouldn’t mind if it was an actual holiday but it doesn’t feel like one at all. Then there’s the cost…. We have to still pay in full for our share of the accommodation, then there’s fuel plus food whilst we’re there. Accommodation and fuel alone will be around £1000 minimum.

WWYD? I feel like it’s impractical for us to go as a family so I should maybe just tell DH to go on his own? I’m very used to parenting alone anyway so it won’t make much of a difference, in fact I’ll have one less person making a mess that I have to clean up!

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isthewashingdryyet · 03/04/2023 16:20

How old is baby, and how long can they spend in a car seat at a time

having to stop every two hours for half an hour makes this impossible

SeaToSki · 03/04/2023 16:21

I wouldnt go, so little thought for you and the baby.

However, if you really think you should try, have you looked at a train to Truro. The baby can be in a sling and/or pram and the journey might actually be faster. There is a Hertz car rental on the station itself.

Terrribletwos · 03/04/2023 16:25

Marzipangirl3 · 03/04/2023 16:16

Yes, they do know but they’re not bothered as to whether it suits us. It’s been planned and booked whether we can make it or not. I’m not really seen as family, as baby is mine, I think by extension they aren’t either. Not too sure tbh, I’d never ask as it’s one of those situations where they aren’t fussed on us but I can’t force them to be.

Equally, if me and baby do go, and they want to go out for meals or stay up late having drinks etc, I will just be sat in the accommodation or bedroom alone doing bedtime with baby anyway as DH sees it as his holiday with his family.

Also, have looked into flying and as we live 1.5 hours from nearest airport that flies to Newquay, plus we’d need to hire a car it would cost an extra £450 on top!!!

No, it doesn't make sense for you to go! This is not a break for you so why would you?

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Original poster
Marzipangirl3 · 03/04/2023 16:26

WishingIWasOnHoliday · 03/04/2023 16:12

Just to add when I say you don’t sound complimentary, he sounds like he doesn’t contribute much, so I don’t blame you, it was just an observation that you might prefer to have time without him anyway!

I would be paying for my half of everything if I were to go so that is another reason I’m not sure about going as it is a lot of money for me whilst on mat leave anyway. If I don’t go, I won’t pay my share of the accommodation as I haven’t actually agreed to go so I’m not paying for something I haven’t said yes to. Yes, he would still pay for the full amount of fuel on his own if he wanted to go.

Sorry, I don’t mean to sound uncomplimentary about him but I just want to make it clear that he doesn’t do anything with baby or at home, so it’s not like it will be a shared responsibility to prepare for the trip or look after baby when we’re away. What I would really love is to feel valued and have some help at home but that will never happen. I don’t mind if he goes, I just don’t know if I’m cutting off my nose to spite my face because I feel like it will be a lot of stress on my shoulders plus a lot of money I could put towards nicer, easier days out with baby.

OP posts:
Original poster
Marzipangirl3 · 03/04/2023 16:28

isthewashingdryyet · 03/04/2023 16:20

How old is baby, and how long can they spend in a car seat at a time

having to stop every two hours for half an hour makes this impossible

Baby will be 6 months at time of the holiday so lullaby trust recommend no longer than 2 hours in a car seat at a time, so we’d need to have a half hour break minimum. Plus we’d need to try to time things with baby’s feeds so we weren’t stopping more times than needed.

OP posts:
mast0650 · 03/04/2023 16:32

Definitely not worth driving 8 hours plus for a 2 night break. Even without a 6 month old. You just need to say that you can't do the dates/location because your DH is working. Or he need to take the time off some how.

If he wants to go by himself, I guess that's up to him. Would depend on the cost and how much spare cash you have.

DelphiniumBlue · 03/04/2023 16:33

Doesn't sound like there's much flexibility being shown here, by DH , his family or you.
I suspect you don't want to go anyway as there is some issue with his family, and that is OK, who'd want to spend over 1k for a holiday they are not likely to enjoy. Just tell him to go himself, or, to get the extra days off work - it's far enough ahead for that to be a possibility if he really wanted to.
If he wanted to make it work, he could also get home at a reasonable time, and then drive, or meet you at a station and get the train - might be quicker and easier with a baby.
You can do long drives with a baby overnight, and a 6 month old baby won't need a lot of feeding in the night, so i expect it's possible that you have over-estimated the time. You can sleep in the car if DH is driving, and being a bit tired the next day isn't so terrible. You can go out with everyone else for dinner/drinks, babies are portable.
But it sounds as if you just don't want to go, and that you suspect DH would probably prefer you not to go either, so that he can be on a jolly without reponsibilities. In which case, ask him if that is the case, and then send him on his way when the time comes.

DelphiniumBlue · 03/04/2023 16:35

Hang on, I've just seen that you would be expected to pay half even though you are on ML!
Definitely say no!

UsingChangeofName · 03/04/2023 16:38

I wouldn't drive a journey that will take 8 hours for a 2 night stop (possibly with the exception of for someone very close's funeral or wedding).
It's hardly a holiday.

I understand the cost sharing - if your dh has told them you all want to come, then it isn't like they can just hire the extra room for 2 of the 5 nights. But it is your dh you need to be cross with. If he knows he can't get the time off, why on earth would he agree to go ? Confused

SheilaFentiman · 03/04/2023 16:40

Absolutely not.

It’s far too far, far too short a time, you would be lonely, and your (D)H would expect you to pay half even though you are on Mat leave and it’s his work that means you can’t go for the full trip.

you have a DH problem.

Sparkletastic · 03/04/2023 16:42

Don't go. You have so many good reasons not to.

momtoboys · 03/04/2023 16:42

No way would I drive that long with a baby for the amount of time you will have there.

Imnotachap · 03/04/2023 16:46

I wouldn't go. I also wouldn't stay with this lazy, selfish man.

Chewbecca · 03/04/2023 16:46

Babies are much more flexible if you want them to be. For example, you can take the baby to the restaurant in the evening, either in a high chair with a hunk of bread to chew or asleep in their pram. Let them have a long afternoon sleep.

Your in laws might not expect/ realise your concerns and assume / think you are more able to participate in the holiday than you think you are.

Skyeheather · 03/04/2023 16:47

We often go on a UK holiday 8 hours away from where we live but we leave in the evening, drive 4 hours, stay in a hotel then drive the next 4 so it's do able but we go for at least two weeks to make the journey there and back worth it.

In your case it's not worth going, not for two days. Just send your DH and enjoy the peace at home!

saraclara · 03/04/2023 16:49

I’m not really seen as family, as baby is mine, I think by extension they aren’t either.

Sorry, I don't understand. Is the baby not DH's?

Bunnyhascovidnoteggs · 03/04/2023 16:55

Send dh alone. Give yourself some time to reflect on the future.. It doesn't sound a great one if you continue with the relationship op.

PrinnyPree · 03/04/2023 16:57

8hrs there AND back with a 6 month old?! Fuck that I wouldn't go for free never mind £1k! As others have said a big fat no and let your husband do the explaining. X

MsPavlichenko · 03/04/2023 16:58

I certainly wouldn’t be going on “ holiday” with this man. He seems to contribute nothing much to you, or your baby’s life even at home. I would be seriously considering getting out . Otherwise you’ll be facing this type of situation year in year out.

Peachy2005 · 03/04/2023 17:02

Don’t go and don’t pay…they didn’t consider you at all when booking this. If your partner wants to go for 1 day, that’s up to him. He’s an idiot if he pays £1K for it though! If they expect him to, they’re not nice people (apart from all the other issues. No offence but your relationship sounds “not great” 🥺

olympicsrock · 03/04/2023 17:07

No way - sounds rubbish. Partner should stay at home and do some family day trips.

Peachy2005 · 03/04/2023 17:08

Also assuming it’s Cornwall, everyone knows that travelling down there is an absolute nightmare in summertime!!

Itstoughbeingamom · 03/04/2023 17:11

Marzipangirl3 · 03/04/2023 16:26

I would be paying for my half of everything if I were to go so that is another reason I’m not sure about going as it is a lot of money for me whilst on mat leave anyway. If I don’t go, I won’t pay my share of the accommodation as I haven’t actually agreed to go so I’m not paying for something I haven’t said yes to. Yes, he would still pay for the full amount of fuel on his own if he wanted to go.

Sorry, I don’t mean to sound uncomplimentary about him but I just want to make it clear that he doesn’t do anything with baby or at home, so it’s not like it will be a shared responsibility to prepare for the trip or look after baby when we’re away. What I would really love is to feel valued and have some help at home but that will never happen. I don’t mind if he goes, I just don’t know if I’m cutting off my nose to spite my face because I feel like it will be a lot of stress on my shoulders plus a lot of money I could put towards nicer, easier days out with baby.

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Why do you have to pay half? Does he pay half for the baby in money and time? They sound like a vile family. His upbringing isn't great.

TellHimDirectlyInDetail · 03/04/2023 17:14

I hope you don't pay half of the bills while you are on mat leave when you are at home.

Cantstandbullshitanymore · 03/04/2023 17:48

Marzipangirl3 · 03/04/2023 16:16

Yes, they do know but they’re not bothered as to whether it suits us. It’s been planned and booked whether we can make it or not. I’m not really seen as family, as baby is mine, I think by extension they aren’t either. Not too sure tbh, I’d never ask as it’s one of those situations where they aren’t fussed on us but I can’t force them to be.

Equally, if me and baby do go, and they want to go out for meals or stay up late having drinks etc, I will just be sat in the accommodation or bedroom alone doing bedtime with baby anyway as DH sees it as his holiday with his family.

Also, have looked into flying and as we live 1.5 hours from nearest airport that flies to Newquay, plus we’d need to hire a car it would cost an extra £450 on top!!!

You have a big husband problem. What would you have a child with a man who does not do any mental or physical load and leaves all planning to you, does not help you with the baby etc?

And he goes on his own family holiday which excludes his wife and child. You have bigger problems that this vacation, and FYI I will not go to the vacation as it doesn’t make sense.