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Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Crisis of confidence after threats from neighbour

79 replies

Lolapicklepup · 02/04/2023 13:48

I (28f) and my husband (31m) have a gorgeous DS (17months).
He’s very clever and loving, but as with all toddlers, comes with difficulties.
He sleeps through the night for about 2-3 weeks and then will have the odd one or two nights where he’s very restless and wakes a lot. He’s teething, constantly catching illnesses from nursery and started going through a seperation anxiety stage where he only wants me and it can be very full on with days of wingeing, crying, tantrums, fighting naps.

Our joined next door neighbours are in their 50s and do not have children, however, the woman works from home and they have a HUGE issue with any noise.
They’ve been round before in the middle of the day to tell us to stop decorating (we’d taken a few days AL to decorate the nursery before ds arrived) because it was noisy during work hours and they had issues with the previous owners children who would have piano lessons at 6pm in the evening due to them being able to hear it. They’re also very creepy, the husband has pushed his way into the house very early in the morning when I was home alone(closing the front door behind him) to tell me DS (7 weeks old at the time) had woken them up in the night and then wanted to hug it out with me saying “give me a cuddle” and putting his arms around me, they’ve broken into our garden and searched our shed when their cat went missing despite being told not to come into the property without permission. We put a big lock on the gate to stop them being able to get in so he removed a fence panel. We both own our houses. (There’s a long string of issues where they have overstepped and never apologised).

Last week, DS was very unsettled with his teeth and my husband and I just couldn’t get him to nap despite him being very tired. We’d try everything and it lead to DS getting very upset. We got a knock at the door by the neighbour, telling us he could be heard on zoom calls, was affecting her business and “as a woman, it was her duty to call social services on us unless we keep him quiet”. I explained this was normal behaviour for a toddler, he wasn’t well and we were doing our best, but she told me he was the worst child she’d ever known, he screams too much and no other child is as bad as him.

I was devastated. I know I’m doing the best I can with my son. Nursery say what a wonderful, calm and happy child he is, family love seeing him and he’s so funny. But I’m having a total crisis of confidence. They’d literally threatened us to have him taken away (which I know won’t happen but it’s the worst thing you could hear as a parent).

I’m currently 4+ months pregnant with planned baby two but now I’m worried how we will cope with a toddler and crying baby if we’re getting threatened by noise during the day constantly?
Everytime my son cries I get panicked to keep him quiet as quickly as possible and it’s leading to bad habits of him having a bottle again overnight when he wakes or us getting up very early in the morning with him instead of letting him self settle.

Sorry about the long post, I just needed to let it out. My husband is so so supportive and furious at the neighbours but it doesn’t help my feelings when he’s at work and I’m home all day by myself trying to cope and terrified about another knock on the door or them forcing their way into the house.

OP posts:
CheeseMeltCracker · 02/04/2023 13:52

Ring doorbell, chain on door at all times, keep a record of this harassment on your email, and remember YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG. They sound absolutely vile, I am so pissed off on your behalf!

Bananapants2022 · 02/04/2023 13:53

Oh gosh, what a nightmare. Let her call social services, honestly. It doesn't sound as if you have anything to worry about. If the situation as you describe, no one will take your son away just like that or in fact ever.

I suggest you log all of these instances of the neighbours transgressing boundaries, pushing their way in (I mean, wtf) and generally hassling you as this looks a lot like harassment. Might be worth contacting a solicitor or the police for advice once you have a list of their transgressions.

Bunnyhascovidnoteggs · 02/04/2023 13:56

Imo you never engage with them again.

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heldinadream · 02/04/2023 13:56

I'm sorry you're having a crisis of confidence because they sound insane, ESPECIALLY the creepy husband, ew!

I'd be going down the ignoring them route as far as possible OP.

olympicsrock · 02/04/2023 14:01

I would write them a letter recorded delivery asking telling them that they contact is unwelcome , they are not to knock on your door or enter your property and if it continues you will be contact the police.

Lolapicklepup · 02/04/2023 14:02

Thanks for the kind messages! We’ve been keeping our heads held high, carrying on as normal and not engaging with them at all. We do have nearly all interactions on a ring doorbell recording including him coming into the house and her threatening social services.
All family and friends tell us to ignore them and carry on but it still doesn’t help the anxiety of “what’s next” with them. I really think they’ve got much worse since we announced this pregnancy and dread to think what would happen when baby comes.

OP posts:
Iluvfriends · 02/04/2023 14:03

Your neighbours sound unstable.
For starters i would be seeking police advice. Let them know that he has come into your home uninvited.

Buy some pepper spray.

TwoGorgeousKids · 02/04/2023 14:07

Please don't let them intimidate you. You should counter complain about their unacceptable behaviour and tell them you are keeping a log and if they enter your property again without permission you will call the police. What a nasty couple.

whowantssmore · 02/04/2023 14:26

I'm sorry you're dealing with that. I know from personal experience dealing with pain in the ass neighbours is the worst. Feeling on edge in you're own home. Sometimes you have to stop trying to be reasonable. Stand your ground and tell them to fuck right off with their bullshit.

SErunner123 · 02/04/2023 14:26

They sound a nightmare but to be honest, there isn't an awful lot you're going to be able to do about it. They are who they are and they probably aren't going to stop. Yes their behaviour is OTT but other than them accessing your shed without permission, none of what they're doing is criminal. You are either going to have to grow a much thicker skin and ignore it all, or move I think. Personally I'd move - I couldn't be dealing with that all the time (especially as you're having another child).

Finalstar · 02/04/2023 15:05

Next time she turns up on the doorstep, open the door, tell her to fuck off and close the door again. Then ignore her. If she wants to call social services then let her - you are doing nothing wrong.

If you have fence panels that sit between concrete posts, you can stick a screw in at an angle at the top on either side, to stop people from sliding them up. We've done this on ours - if you need to take the fence panel out you just need to remove the screws first.

Lolapicklepup · 02/04/2023 17:58

Thank you! That’s really helpful to know! They’ve kicked down two which are broken beyond repair (they were very old anyway). But we’re in the process of replacing them so will do this!

OP posts:
chocolatecheesecake · 02/04/2023 18:12

I would contact the police now if you have recordings - could a community pcso speak to them? Trespass, threats…

In terms of night bottles, if you're confident it's not hunger, have you tried gradually diluting the milk with water? My son stopped bothering waking for them when it got to more water than milk.

Hintofreality · 02/04/2023 18:14

The second the Husband came in to my house uninvited and tried to touch me. Ai would have been straight on the phone to the police. Why are you allowing them to get away with this behaviour?

Phineyj · 02/04/2023 18:16

I agree with the previous poster - contact the police non emergency number and ask their advice. Don't open the door to them. They are harassing you!

Suzi888 · 02/04/2023 18:16

Ring the police.
Do not answer the door to them.
Keep a log.

They sound unstable.

Babies cry- it’s one of those sounds you can’t do anything about. The police /council will not do anything about a crying child.

Rockingcloggs · 02/04/2023 18:18

PPs are a lot more polite than I am.

Next time she or he trots round tell them in your most assertive voice to 'fuck clean off or I will ring the police to report harassment'.

In fact, I would have rang the none emergency number before now to report just that. Stop conversing with these absolute arsewipes.

QueenOfThorns · 02/04/2023 18:19

Hintofreality · 02/04/2023 18:14

The second the Husband came in to my house uninvited and tried to touch me. Ai would have been straight on the phone to the police. Why are you allowing them to get away with this behaviour?

Yes, this! ‘My male neighbour forced his way into my house, closed the door behind him, and tried to put his arms around me.’ I would think that would be sufficient for them to have a word with him, at the very least.

shetlandjumper · 02/04/2023 18:35

We had a horrible ndn when DC small. I tried for years to try to get on with her. But actually she backed right down when I got more assertive. Even if she reports you to SS, what is she going to say? You have a baby who cries and wakes up in the night. Seriously, they'll find nothing wrong. If they want absolute silence they need to go and live on a hill somewhere. We moved and our ndn have young twins. They wake us up now and again. it's normal. I'm just glad it's not me trying to get them back to sleep.

Itstillgoeson · 02/04/2023 18:36

So sorry. Agree strongly with those that say to keep a record and call the non emergency police line. It is harassment and crosses a major line with him coming into your house and touching. I would be very tempted to tell them to FO, but probably better to completely ignore or smile and wave, while making sure the police and maybe even social services have a record.

Do not worry about babies crying/young kids playing. This is normal. Expecting complete silence in a residential area is not. Nuisance noise is loud music after 10pm.

Greenshake · 02/04/2023 18:36

Hintofreality · 02/04/2023 18:14

The second the Husband came in to my house uninvited and tried to touch me. Ai would have been straight on the phone to the police. Why are you allowing them to get away with this behaviour?

Exactly. I am amazed that you have continued any sort of communication with them after this incident. Stand up for yourself!

Tradeup · 02/04/2023 18:45

Can you not inform the police that he entered your home without your permission, closing the door and attempting to touch you? That is terrifying.

Beautiful3 · 02/04/2023 18:52

I would ignore them. All babies cry. Homes are for families, not for work. If they're that bothered, they need to get their walls sound proofed.

Ginger1982 · 02/04/2023 18:57

Sell. This will not get better.