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Original poster

Invited to a wedding without toddler

62 replies

GHxx · 31/03/2023 11:33

My husband and I have been invited to a family wedding in April but it’s obviously a child-free wedding (fair enough) as our toddler hasn’t been asked. It’s far away from where we live so would mean we’d need to stay overnight or drive 2 hours home. All of my family are attending and we don’t have any local family on my husband’s side we could ask to babysit. If he was older I’d probably ask a friend with kids if he could stay over at theirs but I don’t feel I can ask a friend to come to our house when it’s all day and all night. I’ve looked into an agency nanny, even if I was to drive home but he’d just meet them for the first time on the day and I think he would very confused. I’d also feel a bit weird about someone putting him to bed or giving him a bath when it’s just a random person, although I know they’re obviously ‘safe’ 🤦🏼‍♀️ Do you think my husband not going is the only other option? I would have paid for the nanny in advance but they said they can’t guarantee they’d have the same one available twice so might not even be the same person

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SheilaFentiman · 31/03/2023 11:36

I’d go by yourself.

SellFridges · 31/03/2023 11:37

The simplest option is you go and DH doesn’t.

I know you say DH’s family aren’t local, but can any of them come with you to the wedding and maybe look after DD while you’re there. Treat them to a night in a hotel as a thank you. They might be in the opposite direction.

When ours were little we did anything for a weekend away without them though so would have driven ours to family then travelled to the wedding. It’s so nice to have some time together it was worth it to us.

TomatoFrog · 31/03/2023 11:37

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Rollerpiggy · 31/03/2023 11:37

I would go alone, or both decline and tell the couple you’ll take them out for dinner on another night.

Viviennemary · 31/03/2023 11:39

I wouldn't go at all. That's the risk they take if they want a child free wedding.

CornishGem1975 · 31/03/2023 11:40

Just one of you goes.

I never take my toddler even if he's invited, I couldn't think of anything worse!

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 31/03/2023 11:42

How not local are dhs family? Could they come stay for a good few days for a holiday, with you then away for 24 hours within that while they stay with ds?

Original poster
GHxx · 31/03/2023 11:43

@CornishGem1975 if it wasn’t a family wedding, even if he was invited, we would go and leave him with my parents but it’s the fact they’re going this time that’s the issue 🙈

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CornishGem1975 · 31/03/2023 11:44

GHxx · 31/03/2023 11:43

@CornishGem1975 if it wasn’t a family wedding, even if he was invited, we would go and leave him with my parents but it’s the fact they’re going this time that’s the issue 🙈

Yeah I understand that!

smizing · 31/03/2023 11:47

The only option as others have said is one of you will have to miss the wedding.

AlltheFs · 31/03/2023 11:47

I wouldn’t go but I’d consider it a lucky escape, as I hate weddings. Load of faff and expense to stand around cold, hungry and with sore feet. We have used DD as a get out for lots even when they haven’t been child free!

Of course it’s fine to go on your own if you want to, I just can’t ever muster the enthusiasm myself. But if you want to go the best thing is to go alone. I wouldn’t entertain using strangers, absolutely no chance.

Original poster
GHxx · 31/03/2023 11:47

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz I did wonder about that, they’re about an hour and a half from us but have never babysat or offered to babysit so I feel like if I was to ask them it may be seen as a huge inconvenience to them

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Original poster
GHxx · 31/03/2023 11:49

@AlltheFs if I had to go totally alone I probably wouldn’t but as the rest of my family are going I would be going with them at least. The stranger thing does make me feel very uneasy

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arethereanyleftatall · 31/03/2023 11:50

Just go yourself as it's your family, husband stays home with toddler. Or you all 3 go to location. You go to say bit. Father put toddler to bed. Babysitter local. Joins you at wedding.

Snugglemonkey · 31/03/2023 11:52

I would not go.

dietcokelime · 31/03/2023 11:52

I mean do you want to go to the wedding? Have you already RSVPd if it's in April as in April this year?

Would you be able to both go and take him with you, book to stay in a nearby hotel and have a nanny go to the hotel until you both get back from the wedding?

Train007 · 31/03/2023 11:53

CornishGem1975 · 31/03/2023 11:40

Just one of you goes.

I never take my toddler even if he's invited, I couldn't think of anything worse!

This . My friend stayed for a weekend at our house and looked after the children so we could both go but if she hadn’t been available I would have gone and left husband at home.

Broadbeachshallow · 31/03/2023 11:56

If you want to go to the wedding, because it will be enjoyable, then go without dh. Your family will be there.

If you don't actually want to go, then send your apologies.

Original poster
GHxx · 31/03/2023 11:58

@dietcokelime got a few days left to rsvp. I did wonder about this but then I thought leaving him somewhere he doesn’t know with someone he doesn’t know might be worse than leaving him at home

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GHxx · 31/03/2023 11:59

I think probably just going myself with family sounds like the best option. My husband isn’t a huge fan of weddings anyway so that gets him out of it.

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Greentree1 · 31/03/2023 12:02

Tell them you won't be able to go if the toddler isn't invited (no suitable child care, which is true). If you have a hotel near the wedding you could attend the important bits with toddler then one of you goes back to the hotel with toddler. If toddler plays up you can just disappear back to the hotel when or if necessary.

How much do they want you there?

PippaF2 · 31/03/2023 12:04

Go by yourself or decline the invite.

If you decline, send a lovely card the week of the wedding saying you'll be thinking of them and can't wait to see photos and have a catch up to hear all about it.

If the bride/groom are any level reasonable they will totally get it.

I had a child free wedding and the people who sent a card with a lovely message, gave me all levels of - ahhhh that's so lovely of them.

Anyone who declined due to childcare - 100% I completely understood. I figured it would be the case but I still wanted them to know they were invited.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 31/03/2023 12:04

Greentree1 · 31/03/2023 12:02

Tell them you won't be able to go if the toddler isn't invited (no suitable child care, which is true). If you have a hotel near the wedding you could attend the important bits with toddler then one of you goes back to the hotel with toddler. If toddler plays up you can just disappear back to the hotel when or if necessary.

How much do they want you there?

The child has a father who can stay behind with him.

smizing · 31/03/2023 12:13

PippaF2 · 31/03/2023 12:04

Go by yourself or decline the invite.

If you decline, send a lovely card the week of the wedding saying you'll be thinking of them and can't wait to see photos and have a catch up to hear all about it.

If the bride/groom are any level reasonable they will totally get it.

I had a child free wedding and the people who sent a card with a lovely message, gave me all levels of - ahhhh that's so lovely of them.

Anyone who declined due to childcare - 100% I completely understood. I figured it would be the case but I still wanted them to know they were invited.

This is manipulative to me. If it's child free then it child free. OP can either choose to go on her own or not go at all.

No need to say things like "well I ain't going cuz my child isn't invited.

Whenever I'm invited to child free events, I plan it well in advance, if my childcare falls through then I just don't go.

Fueledbycoffee · 31/03/2023 12:14

I'd ask DH's family if they could help out and if they don't want to, could you take DC with you anyway to the location and take it on turns to dip in and out? I had no children at my wedding but best man and his wife did this as they'd had to travel and their DC hadn't been left before. But we also said they could bring DC if it was too complicated. We were just glad to have them both there. We also have an immediate family wedding next year with no children but the bride and groom have made an exception for us as we literally have nobody to look after our DCs and DH and I both involved in the wedding. Before you rsvp, I'd speak to bride and groom and explain your options.