Invited to a wedding without toddler

[GHxx]

My husband and I have been invited to a family wedding in April but it’s obviously a child-free wedding (fair enough) as our toddler hasn’t been asked. It’s far away from where we live so would mean we’d need to stay overnight or drive 2 hours home. All of my family are attending and we don’t have any local family on my husband’s side we could ask to babysit. If he was older I’d probably ask a friend with kids if he could stay over at theirs but I don’t feel I can ask a friend to come to our house when it’s all day and all night. I’ve looked into an agency nanny, even if I was to drive home but he’d just meet them for the first time on the day and I think he would very confused. I’d also feel a bit weird about someone putting him to bed or giving him a bath when it’s just a random person, although I know they’re obviously ‘safe’ 🤦🏼‍♀️ Do you think my husband not going is the only other option? I would have paid for the nanny in advance but they said they can’t guarantee they’d have the same one available twice so might not even be the same person

In this situation I would definitely go alone (/with your relatives), DH would stay home with kids.

@smizing ah! No worries, just seen your update😂

I drove a 500 mile round trip to look after my best friend's child "all day & all night" when the child was 2. I was happy to do it so that the parents could have a night away. Just ask your friends - they will probably jump at the chance.

What's the 'excuse' to be used here though? I don't understand? You can't exactly say 'sorry I can't come due to childcare' when you have a husband...? Not that people should go to weddings they don't want to go to, the bride and groom would far rather you tell them you don't want to go than pay for people who don't want to be there. However don't understand how there is any reasonable 'excuse' to give in this type of situation anyway as there's no reason she can't go?

A child free wedding?

I’d be thinking “hurrah, a ready made excuse not to attend a boring wedding or waste money on clothing and gifts.”

Go on your own if you want a night off from parenting and actually enjoy other people’s weddings. 🤷🏻‍♀️

If one of my family members didn't invite my DS and it was that far away I wouldn't bother going. What do they expect you to do with your child?

I’d just say that my toddler needs me. I did extended BF to 26 months though which was a huge help in that regard. As it was DD was quite happy to be left with DH as a toddler but if I didn’t want to do something I said she couldn’t be without me. Complete lie once she was about 15 months but I’d happily say it.

To be fair I’ve never missed a bedtime either and DD is 3.5 (combination of Covid and my choices) and I have used that as a get out to other things too. I’m too old to go to things I don’t want. I used to feel obliged when I was younger. I know I could say “No I don’t want to” and I do say that to people that aren’t offended, but sometimes a white lie is received better with others. DH’s job also used to include weekend working, it doesn’t now as he changed role but I don’t tell people that as it’s another marvelous excuse to throw in.

Fortunately everyone I know has been married at least once now so I’m safe. Well, there’s my unmarried brother but the odds of him settling down are slim and he’d invite DD anyway so moot.

Eh? This child has two parents, maybe the other one could care for them for one singular night?

@WeightoftheWorld but they've invited both of them?

It's just what some people would do - personally if I couldn't figure out childcare I'd stay home...but I'm not super into attending weddings and would surely not want to go without my husband. It wouldn't be that big of a deal.

Other options are: going on your own which works for many people just fine or figuring out a nanny in advance (not applicable in this scenario)

Anything can be an excuse if you can't be bothered to go somewhere :P

You know that joke, that if your husband tells his friends he needs to check with his wife before he confirms his attendance, he has already decided to not go and will blame it on you? That's the same thing :P

I don’t know why people have this attitude when it’s pretty obvious the bride and groom
will be fully aware people may not attend, otherwise they wouldn’t make it child-free 🫠