I’m a bit crap with my toddler

[Stilllosingmyhats]

This isn’t a thread about regretting parenthood, I don’t, but I’m not very good with toddlers and I feel like my toddler is getting a bit of a raw deal as a result.

He is 2 years and 3 months and he’s fairly good - he has the odd tantrum which is normal and I don’t have any concerns re his development. However, I do feel like I’m reading another language on here when I read about things like colouring, tuff trays, helping me with housework or baking/cooking. I honestly think that the only result of any of these would be the most god awful mess, it would probably take ages to set up and I think he’d possibly look at it or throw some flour around for five minutes then wander off.

He just seems to enjoy toy cars (indoors.) He is more engaged outside and will play for a while rotating a little tykes car, playing with a toy lawnmower / filling up a truck with stones. But I can’t interest him in anything indoors for any length of time really.

I suppose I’m wondering are we all in the same boat here? I know all children are different but I don’t think any of the activities that are generally suggested would be enjoyable or interesting to him.

Actually came to make a very similar post! Following with interest

If definitely think baking with my 19 mo would be a total disaster. He's a very good boy, but his speech isn't as good as other kids his age (understanding is excellent, so I'm not worried). I am struggling for ideas for teaching-play though

My son loves balls, so we've just spent some time separating yellow/blue/red ones into different bags. I must have said each colour about a million times! It was more me separating each colour than him, but towards the end I think he was starting to get the idea. I'll do it again another day until he gets it. Could you maybe do something similar with your child's cars?

Would love to hear other ideas for teaching toddlers basic skills! Mine is just not very cooperative when it comes to playing together!

We are the same I had big plans to be one of those mums but it’s never worked out, I do try to put low maintenance stuff out like paper and pencils, or play dough. I keep to stuff like that where when it inevitably gets about 10 minutes use out of it’s not a whole ordeal to tidy it all away.

He’s just turned 3 and is now showing a little more interest in playing with things for longer but it’s mostly his toys rather than set activities I offer, we did make banana bread the other day and he stayed for pretty much all of it but this is something he definitely wouldn’t have done even 3 months ago.

I tend to find keeping my expectations low with things like painting and baking and being pleasantly surprised by what they enjoy.
DD doesn’t like playing with the dough when we make biscuits but loves playing with a little pile of flour on the worktop (with a teaspoon, tea strainer and some little cups for scooping and scattering) it does make a mess but she is happy to help with the hoovering(which is another game in itself!)
I think after 2, you can introduce a wooden toddler knife (under constant supervision!) and they can help chop things for lunch/dinner/snacks

Does he go to nursery/childcare? I rely on them to do that kind of thing to be honest and just chill with DS most of the time. He's not a particularly active child and likes playing with Lego/cars most of all. I do occasionally do baking with him but only because it's an excuse to make and eat cake really.

Hello. Mine is 19m too. He's a little like yours - loves his toy cars, loves playing outdoors. He's not too bothered about playing indoors with me, if I try to interest him in an activity he'll participate for a few minutes, but then tip everything on the floor. He has recently started enjoying a game where he pretends to be asleep and I count, if he wakes up before "7am" he gets tickled. He thinks that's hilarious. It's not so hilarious when he wakes at 5am in real life...

Anyway yes, hard not to worry that I'm not doing enough baking, painting etc too - fine motor skills stuff. But if he's not bothered and would prefer to push his car around the room or walk up and down the garden steps, then I think there isn't much point stressing while he's still so little, or trying to make him do something which doesn't capture his interest. I'll keep trying to interest him in other things occasionally on the basis that one day he might "get" it, but no point worrying in the meantime.

What about an outdoor tuff tray set up involving cars? Loads of ideas on Instagram etc you could put a load of sand and rocks in, make it like a dirt track for his cars? Stick him in an all in one overall so you don’t have to worry about mess if that’s an issue

I have spent the last approx 18months trying to do all of these things with my DD (3) and have recently realised that I am run ragged and as you said it takes ages to set up etc. I probably wouldn’t bother with hindsight and have made a decision to cut back with these types of activities

I mostly take him out. I find it's a struggle to keep my lo entertained inside (we play trains or Lego, read books, play with a a football etc.) but joining a few places as members mean we have inside and outside places to visit a walk away. For anything more adventurous, I would go to one of the free local toddler groups

Hiya, I'm currently pregnant with my 4th child, my eldest is 16 very soon so I have been a mum prior to the age of Pinterest parenting. And I'd like to just tell you as someone who's not just done the toddler thing, (including 1 over lockdown which was fucking wild) and about to do it again and I've been a nursery nurse, that you're absolutely not giving your child in anyway a raw deal here.

Kids activities nowadays are based often on parents wanting to show people their kiddos activities are a fulfilling and special experience, that their toddlers get to engage with all kinds of stimulation and hands on learning. They want people to know their children eat 7 varieties of fruit and veg and their kids are navigating the world to learn how to independently tidy up, read, count etc and whilst those people are doing wonderfully, those kids aren't getting more out of their day than those of us who give weetabix and banana brekkie, run around the park like were training for combat and occasionally shock horror, sit down to cuddle with Mr tumble on and a piece of toast.

Children will thrive with love, cuddles and play. They will thrive from a strawberry yogurt and fruit pouch as much as an organic tropical fruit grazing board.

Kids don't need trays of shaving foam and glitter, (although even I will do the washing bowl with bubbles and let them wash the car outside, but that's my limit most days!) They don't need to run wild with paint or playdoh if it stresses you out, they have years of that in nursery.

Do what makes you less stressed and choose battles about what to give energy to.

I give my kids icing and premade biscuits because baking is sheer hell with mine.
We have bubble baths filled with toys, keeps water play inside.
We do chalk outside but I don't do do paint or glitter inside.
We do parks and libraries and drawing, sometimes they've been given a duster to follow me with and they've not given a shit, but they've not had mini cleaning kits, I'm just not that type of mum.

I like cuddles and snuggles and rolling around the floor, not planning activities to take a picture of that looks impressive but my kids would rather just be rolled up in a duvet and dragged around the floor to great big "ZOOOOOOOM!" noises.

Some parents are very impressive and that's really cool for them, but most of us are just wanting healthy, happy and loved kids and that's what you're doing here, don't let someone anonymous on the Web who may not even have kids but just pretends they've a kid who's never seen TV, has a reading age of your average oxbridge professor who's cleaning like Mrs hinch and is already applying to be a sous chef for the roux family, because its not real, caring about your kids enough to even post what you have done above is so real.

And my older teen is the happiest and content lad, no treasurey box didn't do him harm x

My boy (almost 4) has always been the same, esp at that age, his attention span is slightly better now. I either went to messy play sessions at our local childrens centre or just let him do that stuff at nursery. Mine much prefers role play with toys and playing outside or in a soft play

I honestly think that the only result of any of these would be the most god awful mess, it would probably take ages to set up and I think he’d possibly look at it or throw some flour around for five minutes then wander off.

Agree, I don’t really do these things either. We paint but only for the benefit of my eldest. Nursery is for messy play. I’m big on outdoor time - nursery lacks outdoor space. I tell myself I’m giving the kids balance and am not lazy..!

This has made me feel better, I was worried about the same with mine!

I have studied child development and have worked with kids for 10 years. If you look into the Montessori/curiosity approach of childhood, it shows that all those fancy activities are not always beneficial. Kids will make their own fun out of nothing. Give them some material to make a den, a cardboard box to sit in, paper and crayons etc. If you are outside that is the best learning possible! Get muddy and messy and teach them how to be independent. They do all that shit when they go to school with tuff trays galore. Don't stress I'm sure you're doing more than enough.

Doesn't sound crap to me. He sounds like a very contented wee boy. Outdoor play is the best so the fact that he's happy pootling about outdoors is great.

I like different activities but can't be bothered to make them Pinterest worthy. My 17 month old is very happy to play on his own, indoors or out. But there are definitely activities that are worth setting up to occupy him. Tuff tray with various materials for him to scoop with his diggers is always a hit. I see some tuff tray set ups on Facebook that are just too much effort for me. Recently we gave him a pile of shredded documents to play with in the tuff tray. He loved that. After a couple of days it was flung on the fire and swapped for some sticks and leaves we'd picked up at the park.

You can do low maintenance versions of all the OTT stuff you see online for a bit of variety. As long as your wee boy is happy that's all that matters.

I don't like doing a lot of arts and craft type things. Too messy and we don't have the space. He goes to a toddler craft club once a week where he gets messy with an apron on. That's enough I think! He can get stuck into more of that when he starts nursery.

This was the joy of toddler groups for me, taking them to do all those kinds of activities with none of the chaos at home. I do enjoy doing those activities with my kids, but I have enough housework to do without adding sand, glitter and paint into the mix. They do it at nursery, then they do it at school. Home for my family is where we get clean and cosy, we read and talk and sing and watch movies and have the odd dance party with some glow sticks, or some bath slime to play with, or put the bubble machine on in the garden, but for the most part our home is quite a calm place. We do the busy stuff out of home. Home is a place for rest.

I did all that tuff tray stuff, cooking, games set up etc with my DD when she was a toddler in lockdown, because I was hideously bored and she was pretty bored too (we were in lockdown for over a year effectively due to medical vulnerabilities in the family). With my son I much prefer to get out and about and I think a journey on a bus together or hanging out in a park together is just as valuable, and I am still grateful to be able to do it. You do what you both enjoy! With my DD I did get into the habit of talking with her a lot, as I was afraid she would be isolated, and that seemed to be the one thing that really helped her development. But you can do that whatever you are doing.

Thats such a good way of looking at it @fussyferalkids especially as kids get older and they are out more. I am going to adopt that attitude.

Yep, everyone’s preschoolers seem more independent than mine on here. My 3 year old is nowhere near the point of scootering everywhere, being able to accurately spoon cake mixture into cases, or taking herself to the toilet. She’s good at entertaining herself and isn’t ‘needy’ but I know she needs help with those things or she will make an enormous mess or have an accident.

You really don’t need to be doing messy creative things with them. All they really want is your time - reading books, playing with cars, jigsaws etc are all just as valuable as mucking about making mud pies or painting.

Actually I think it’s good for children not to be bombarded with organised activities and crafts and to just enjoy the toys and games they already own.

I honestly think that the only result of any of these would be the most god awful mess, it would probably take ages to set up and I think he’d possibly look at it or throw some flour around for five minutes then wander off.

This isn't correct. It's more like 3 minutes before mine wanders off Leaving me tidying up.

He doesn't want to bake and if I let him "help" me there would be so much mess.

He is also happy playing with his cars, then his trains, then running at high speed through the house, then banging some pans, then back to the cars.

Exactly the same boat as you here!

mine liked cleaning the car this afternoon if that helps. Only the inside, but he liked using hoover attachments not attached to anything, and some cloths with bowl soapy water to wipe down muddy plastic. Wasn’t messy and i actually needed to do it as loads of sand and gravel in from said toddler

Don't think I did any baking with my daughter until she was 3. Would never have attempted it before 2.5 and she was the most docile toddler you've ever met. My current 2.5 year old is a tornado and I'm lucky if he does any "activity" indoors for longer than five minutes. (Not that I can be arsed to set it up- playdough and paper/crayons is about my level!) His favourite things are when I pretend to shut him in a really big book, push him along on a rideon car and - this one is really special- shake out the bin bags really vigorously and pretend they're monsters

IME they get a lot more able to focus on craft/baking etc around 3 1/2/4.

Well, you’ve set my mind at rest! To be honest, I survive with him by being out and about, it’s hard though as he wakes so early and so I do rely on screens to get us through the 6am-7am period. Or more.

He’s at nursery for three days a week and seems to enjoy it. Then for the other four days, Thursdays we go to a group and park walk/play, Fridays same, Saturday mornings he has swimming and then a tumbletots sort of activity in the afternoon. Sunday we generally go to a national trust place or a wildlife park or farm or something. It sounds awful but I do minimise his time at home as he just makes a mess!

Mines a little older now but I never did crafting, baking or tuff trays. He has plenty of toys available indoor and outdoor. I’d have spent an age setting up and cleaning up for him to have been occupied for about 2 minutes. He does more messy play at nursery and comes home covered in glitter. We did loads of ‘free range’ outdoor activities, parks, gardens type places where he could run and play in the fresh air. I feel good about this in hindsight, fresh air and physical activity is a healthy way to spend time with a small child.

More recently the thing that occupied him the longest was playing at the kitchen sink with some plastic cups and a tub of water.

DD liked bubbles, letting her have a big bowl of pasta, she would use a spoon to transfer between the two and sometimes just chuck them, the park, really basic stuff, stirring things, helping to load the dishwasher (she had been doing that since before 2 but absolutely no interest now) or washing machine. Try ball games, rolling the ball along the floor to each other etc. or fill up a tuff tray with water and chuck some stuff in there. Honestly don’t expect too much from yourself or him.

DD just turned 3 and there is more imaginative play, we play shops or wicked witches. She now cracks her egg for breakfast or peels an avocado for me (I tried getting her to make a pizza a year ago and she was absolutely not interested). We play cricket with her baby tennis raquets or I stand in goal while she kicks a football at me, she paints and colours. Honestly they change a lot in a short space of time. Keeping them outside is the best way to get through long hours of the toddler years.