I’m a bit crap with my toddler

[Stilllosingmyhats]

This isn’t a thread about regretting parenthood, I don’t, but I’m not very good with toddlers and I feel like my toddler is getting a bit of a raw deal as a result.

He is 2 years and 3 months and he’s fairly good - he has the odd tantrum which is normal and I don’t have any concerns re his development. However, I do feel like I’m reading another language on here when I read about things like colouring, tuff trays, helping me with housework or baking/cooking. I honestly think that the only result of any of these would be the most god awful mess, it would probably take ages to set up and I think he’d possibly look at it or throw some flour around for five minutes then wander off.

He just seems to enjoy toy cars (indoors.) He is more engaged outside and will play for a while rotating a little tykes car, playing with a toy lawnmower / filling up a truck with stones. But I can’t interest him in anything indoors for any length of time really.

I suppose I’m wondering are we all in the same boat here? I know all children are different but I don’t think any of the activities that are generally suggested would be enjoyable or interesting to him.

I think generation kids YouTube don't know how to focus on things for long periods and parents don’t often take the time to teach them.
Instead of letting kids help out with cooking, chopping/peeling/washing veg some parents just stick kids in front of a screen rather than putting in the effort to let them help as it may create more mess. Kids won’t engage in something if they aren’t repeatedly exposed.
Im a childminder and spend a lot of time detoxing kids away from tech, one they are involved with baking, gardening, drawing, painting they engage in it for longer periods and really enjoy it.
im not talking elaborate tuff tray set ups for insta but there is something to be gained from sensory/messy activities for children too and repeated exposure.

My son is autistic and has always loved sensory play so we have done everything you can imagine in his little messy pod. I don't care if he makes a mess I'll just clean it up.

But everyone is different. It doesn't make you a better or worse mum

You're doing better than me.
My toddler sits and watches Disney films most of the time at home.
Occasional bit of play dough, jigsaws and dolls house, but other than that, Cinderella for the 20th time.

My DS, now 9 wouldn't do any baking, painting, crafts, drawing, or anything like that!

His favourite things were very simple Lego junior sets when he was nearer 3, brio trains and track, a really easy remote control car, lots of books, Melissa and Doug fishing jigsaw and other things of theirs, usborne sticker books, supermarket till, medical kit, and orchard toy games!

What sort of gardening can a two year old realistically do, though? I’m not trying to sound like an arse, I genuinely have no idea where I’d even start. Same with cooking. I’d stand him next to me and give him a toddler friend day knife, but he’d just be trying to grab mine off me and nearly losing his fingers!

2 year olds can do so much gardening. Tuff tray or table with pots and soil - they can empty and fill the pots with soil - rake it, use spoons etc.
Plant seeds, bulbs, weeding, digging. Filling watering can from the water butt - watering the pots.
Putting bark/ mulch into a small wheelbarrow - wheeling it around the garden - getting them to mulch plants.
Collecting leaves, making leaf mulch.
Cutting back plants - great opportunity to use scissors.
kids love watching fruit and vegetables grow and love harvesting fruit/ veggies
collecting seed pods/ heads - putting them in envelopes to store for next year. Learning about the compost heap - life cycles of plants.
Finding twigs, pine cones etc and making habitats - using that to learn about animals that might live in gardens.
Collecting leaves and pairing them - matching them to images in books etc etc.
look up forest school activities if you’re interested, we spend hours outside everyday and the kids love it.

And in terms of knives when cooking. Set boundaries - ‘this is your knife, this is my knife, we don’t touch my knife etc etc’ - have your knife higher at a worktop and set your son up at a table chopping something like a Banana or mushroom, also scissors to cut herbs or similar is always good.

I think there is so much to be gained for involving kids in these things.

Yeah … anyway …

DD has plants she has to water with her watering can (she has a proper one, she would fill it up at the sink and go water houseplants) messy but she’s got more accurate. Cooking can just be washing veg in a colander at the sink. I loathe mess (hence why I don’t do baking) but a bit of water is ok. Having a waterproof smock is useful.

Honestly I’m definitely on the “how the hell are we going to get through the next 20 minutes” kind of mum. I used to just stick the laundry basket next to the washing machine and say “oh, sweetheart can you put those clothes in for me”. At this age they love being helpful or feeling like they are making an important contribution (it wears off quickly so take advantage). Give him a microfibre cloth and ask him to help you dust something. It’s the everyday stuff they love at this age. DD didn’t really play until 3 but she was keen on just normal stuff of day to day living. The world is still really new to them so the most mundane things can be fascinating. Anything to do with water is usually a winner.

Never could be arsed with the fancy tuff trays but I did always like baking with DD- at that age the key was to have everything in pre measured bowls before we started so she could just dump it all in the mixing bowl and stir.

I think anything you do with them at that age is valuable really, they’re little sponges. There’s nothing inherently more valuable in painting with foam vs scribbling with crayons, the latter just doesn’t look as good on Instagram!

OP, just do what makes you and your toddler happy.

If you want to add some new activities then gardening is fun for toddlers but it's enough to just let them muck about with a watering can, or give them a little trowel and let them dig about a bit and look at bugs. If he loves vehicles he'd probably enjoy traipsing about with a wheelbarrow and filling it up with sticks and stones.

Gardening and baking are things that are fun to get them involved with but depending on age and stage it's enough to just let them feel like they're involved and let them mess about with safe equipment and some dough or whatever.

Don’t ask for ideas if you don’t want them then 🤷‍♀️
if you’re happy with what your doing that’s fine but the fact that you’ve started this makes it seem like you’re not happy with what you’re doing.

My son was exactly the same. Loved cars, trucks and trains. Being a clean freak I discouraged anything that would cause too much of a mess indoors until he got a bit older. I did buy a play mat with roads and a town on and he loved pushing his cars round that. He also had a wooden train set that could be set out across the floor and he’d have loads of fun with that. Or we’d sit in his tent and have a teddy bears picnic on a rainy day. Anything that keeps them entertained for even 20 minutes at that age is a god send! We have some play doh but it ends up everywhere and stuck in the carpet. I left the painting and messy play for nursery to deal with at that age!

He might be more interested when he’s older so I wouldn’t write it off completely. Having said that it sounds to me like you’re doing an awesome job with him and he’s getting lots of different experiences. I also think that spending a lot of time outside is extremely valuable.

a lot of instagram aspirational ideas are inside because it’s easier to film tbh!!

Oh, he’ll wander around with a wheelbarrow, but that isn’t gardening, is it? It’s wandering around with a wheelbarrow

@Sillyheadoooooo I don’t think your ideas are particularly sensible, to be honest, if you think a just two year old is going to stand for several minutes watching as you chop veg and will meekly agree that ‘no’ is sufficient deterrent to a sharp knife moving at speed. Likewise, telling them to ‘find a pine cone’ - really? Yes, they’ll pick up sticks and proudly walk round with them saying ‘my dick!’ (yep) but I doubt many children DS’ age would be able to collect pine cones, or have the patience to pair leaves. Again, I think I’d spend ages finding a leaf to pair with the one ds found, turn round to exclaim ‘wow! A pair!’ and discover he’s gone toddling off to his car or toy tractor.

But if it works for you, that’s grand. It’s just that it was a nice thread until you poured judgement on it, and that is a pity from someone who is a ‘professional.’

3 yo DS has only really got the idea of ‘playing’ indoors over the last couple of months and the only thing he’s really interested in is Lego or occasionally his train set. My MiL tried baking with him recently and he wasn’t the least bit interested and was more keen to fiddle with the oven switches. I’ve tried setting up themed activities or painting a number of times and it’s just been monumental waste of time. He’s much happier playing outside. He can spend hours playing with his water table or watering the plants or doing some digging or often, just pottering around our small garden and the surrounding estate exploring. At 2 years 3 months i would be lucky to get 5 minutes out of him indoors for one activity, and that was usually destroying exploring the house. And contrary to a PP DS had zero screen time at that age, so I don’t think that’s to blame for his concentration span. You can only parent the child you’ve got is what I repeat daily

I didn’t pour judgement on anything. You don’t like the ideas and don’t think they’ll work that’s fine - you asked how to get a two year old gardening and I took the time to write some ideas. Wandering around with a wheelbarrow is gardening too! Anything that gets kids engaging in the outdoors is great.

I do these things day in day out with two year olds, so it is possible. They are all free easy to do things, I haven’t said anywhere anyone should be doing elaborate Instagram style set ups making huge messes. I do think that getting kids to engage in everyday things you do can be really beneficial.

Anyway over and out, I was only trying to be helpful.

Oh, he’ll wander around with a wheelbarrow, but that isn’t gardening, is it? It’s wandering around with a wheelbarrow

Of course it is! But that's ok. The point is he's happy and he's "joining in". When my 17 month old sweeps up with the broom he's not helping me at all. But he's mimicking and he's learning and he's happy. That's all they need to be doing at this stage.

At his age digging mud with a trowel and wandering about with a wheelbarrow is gardening. This is how you start to develop their interest in things. By letting them "join in", "help" and just generally be round about you while you do daily tasks.

No need to overthink it. Just enjoy pottering about together.

So long as he's not just watching TV the whole time, it's fine. Kids are individuals, they like different things.

Re baking/gardening etc though, you need to see that as then learning about processes rather than the end result. Of course they're not going to produce something amazing, but you start somewhere and they learn if you do a and b, you get c.

You can do super basic stuff like mixing melted choc and cereal to make crispy cakes, putting seeds in mud and watering them (cheap seeds or acorns etc, doesn't matter if they grow really!)

Doing activities builds up their confidence and helps them understand the world. It doesn't have to be that involved, let them wave a duster round for two minutes, if they get bored and want to stop then that's fine. My dd used to love cleaning windows with a squirty water bottle and a cloth, I cd just sit back and watch, it was great!

It's worth trying these things in a low effort way. If they're not interested, it's not a big problem.

I don't think the only reason a child doesn't engage in something is because they're "generation kids YouTube".

My DS doesn't watch YouTube or sit still long enough to want to do cooking/gardening etc.

Some children just aren't into these things.

I can't see that OP mentioned YouTube or plonking her child in front of a screen either.

OP I think you do a great range of activities that your child enjoys. Totally acceptable not to do activities he's not into!

@Sillyheadoooooo i honestly don’t wish to sound argumentative or difficult here but

”I think generation kids YouTube don't know how to focus on things for long periods and parents don’t often take the time to teach them.”

“some parents just stick kids in front of a screen rather than putting in the effort to let them help as it may create more mess”

“Im a childminder and spend a lot of time detoxing kids away from tech”

are very judgey comments and not entirely pleasant, either towards the parents who I’m sure would be mortified to know what you really think of them, or towards me.

I haven’t had much to do with toddlers before having my own, and I’m afraid that yes, many of the suggestions often made on MN and indeed by you - again not intended to sound unpleasant - just aren’t helpful. I don’t mind them being made, I just think it’s much nicer if they can be made without putting others down.

Agree. I let nursery tick the boxes and then stuff I do is just for fun. Also the older mine gets the more I enjoy it. Setting up an activity for a 18 month - 2 year old felt next to pointless. But at 2.5-3 she's really getting into playing for a bit with some kinetic sand and a few diggers in a tray, helping me chop things for dinner, helping with baking etc.

I find if you just try and get on they like just being around shadowing you. Generally they take control of whatever tool you try and use. My 19m old likes to pull up grass!

cooking - my 19m old might lob something in the pan or pass a bowl. My four year old helps stir and make things like pancakes. A packet cake mix and taking turns throwing things in the bowl. Both “hold” the electric whisk.

I totally agree with everything you say omg I am exactly the same x

Mine are adolescents now and Instagram and 'tuff trays' weren't a thing when mine were small, but I was on MN then and it was all about the 'treasure basket' 🤣🤣

Honestly, just ignore this shite. Really, you're doing great.