Baby Whisperer - Self-soothing before sleep - how????

[MsJJ]

I know it's early days but our first DS is 2 weeks old and we had been rocking him to sleep. Midwife said this was a no no as will create association for months to come, as does Baby Whisperer Book we've been (loosely) following, so we've been trying for the last 3 days to get him to self-sooth off to sleep in his Moses basket. This is proving really tough. He just can't seem to find the sleep button during the day and gets increasingly agitated and even more tired. He is better at night but think this is down to having a feed, dark and quiet. BW book says not to have a break between feed and sleep so that he doesn't associate breast with sleep.

We're trying a dummy which he likes but even then, we have to sit by the basket and rub his tummy.

Any tips??? Has anyone used the Baby Whisperer book?

Thanks.

I know you may feel this is unhelpful, but put the baby whisperer in the bin, and ignore your MW. He is 2 weeks old, he has no idea how to soothe himself to sleep and he needs you to do it for him. What is wrong with creating an association that mum or dad's embrace = safety, warmth and sleepiness. God I wonder about some of the so called HCPs.

DS only started self soothing when he was 8 months old, and that was with a bit of the dreaded controlled crying (Georgiemama sees MSJJ run for hills) - no I do not recommend that for a 2 week old though - at least 6 months old before you try that.

He may have wind and thats why he likes his tummy rubbed, or he just likes the contact. He wants you, he wants you to cuddle him and comfort him.

During the day I would recommd, on a nice day like this, swaddled up snug as a bug in a rug and a walk round the block to get him off to sleep, or in the hall in the pram with white noise such as washing machine/hoover. It works.

My DS, nearly 1, is currently asleep in the garden in the pram. I took him for a walk, he fell asleep within 30 seconds (and he was really grumpy) and has been asleep for an hour.

Good luck. Listen to your baby, he will tell you what he needs.

georgimama is right. if you do a title thread search with 'babywhisperer' in it, there is a good thread for about a couple months ago which is very enlightening.

this one

Thanks so much for the advice! God, I was beginning to think i was getting it all wrong and ended up in tears the other day because he was so distraught and over-tired.

I will chill out about it and just told hubbie that we are going to soothe him if he needs it. Going for a walk also helps, he conks out in the fresh air and movement.

Thanks again. Sanity will be restored!

Agree with the others. I breastfed dd to sleep until she was 6-7 months old, and she gave that up all of her own accord. Then we did some very gentle things to help her fall asleep feeling safe and happy and secure. By that time she was old enough to feel confident with us. Just cuddle as much has he needs, throw the books in the bin and nod and smile at the midwife, while ignoring her. This "habits" thing really pisses me off, tbh - it can really blight the first few months with a baby, and stop you doing what your instinct tells you to do. I worried a lot about the whole feeding to sleep thing - next time round I shall do it with pride!

Just for info babywhisperer tells you not to do any pick up put down etc till they are about 16 weeks old.

I had very easy ds1, easy to read, easy to settle etc, then ds2 who was poorly with reflux, he slept propped up on me in the day until he was almost 1 yr old, I didn't give a monkeys what the MW or HV said as they weren't the ones listening to my son in distress.

He slept in his cot at night which was propped and he went into the cot in the day very easily despite lots of Mums on the school gates who told me he wouldn't.

Go with your instincts, all babies are different, trust your judgement. Books can guide you but don't follow them to the letter.

At the end of the day who doesn't want to cuddle their tiny new born baby, make the most of it as they grow up way too quick.

I wouldn't say put the book in the bin, it does have some good tips. But like any book it is only a guide - dip in and out of it.

DD is 11 weeks old and like you i have problems getting her to sleep - she is my first. General advice i was given was to give lots of cuddles and reassurence as baby has spent 9 months inside you, all warm and cosy so TBH for the first 9 weeks we kept her with us in the evenings untill she fell asleep. Then whe she was 10 weeks we started to introduce a bedtime routine.

Enjoy your baby, it is a very special time.

IME 2 weeks is too early to expect him to get off to sleep without some help. During the day a walk in the pram is good, or if you are enroute somewhere in the car anyway. At night a bit of rocking at such a young age doesn't have to be the beginning of a bad habit. I used to bounce on one of those big swiss balls with DS1. With DS2 I had a Amby Baby Hammock which is very snuggly and easy to bounce a little - when he was a bit bigger and I put him in the cot then I found he liked to fall to sleep on his tummy and then once he was asleep I would flip him over. When they are young it is easier for them to keep their thumb/dummy in their mouth if they are on their tummy.

I was following a book as well and was as strict as I could be but DS2 still didn't get into a routine till he was 14weeks.

If your DS1 really likes the feeling of warmth and weight on his tummy then you could use a little square wheat bag - heated very gently in the microwave - this is supposed to be good for achy windy tummies as well - I had DS1 in Germany and they loved these over there. HTH Sim

Some babies do and some don't, it is not a reflection on you. With my first son,we held/feed him to go to sleep, and if we'd try to put him 'cold turkey' in his cot he would cry blue murder (so we never did!). With my second son, I can put him down in his cot and he will fall asleep by himself within one minute, it's amazing! I put himd own, he has a big 'hummm' sound and he shots his eyes - lovely! But this has nothing to do with us, me, or any books. I did read the baby whisperer and found it very interesting, but I didn't follow the 'method'. I just think that it puts a lot of pressure to do things a certain way, and it doesn't work with every child. So you end up always thinking about what you are doing wrong instead of enjoying your baby. So I would recommend to bin the book!

MsJJ I am certainly not the voice of experience as my dd is only just coming up to 4 weeks but like you i have been given advice on routines etc and avoiding the beginnings of bad habits. Having given all this some really careful consideration and agonised about what is the right thing to do, i actually just think 'bollocks to 'em!'
She is a much-wanted and much-loved baby and i'm damned if i'm going to lose out on the first few precious months when i could be forming a really strong bond with my girl. i figure there is plenty of time for sleep-training etc in the future, even if i am making things more difficult for myself in the long-run. She is currently snoring on my chest while i try to eat my dinner and type at hte same time, all with the wrong hand! She won't go inot her moses basket in the day, but sleeps in it perfectly happily at night, so i figure i'll just give her time to get used to being in the outside world and deal with things as they happen. Good luck whatever path you choose!

Well said chief cook! I reckon there's no "habit" that isn't fixable later, and also I think it can actually be easier when they have developed a bond, and can begin to understand what you're doing and saying.