14 month old suddenly hates Grandpa???

[goodmorningsunny]

I am so lucky that my Dad is able to take DD while I'm at work. She was fine for the first month going to grandpa, completely thriving. In the last week, she has started refusing to go in the house when we arrive and will scream from the moment we drop her off until the moment I pick her up. My poor dad has tried everything, even resorting to putting on her favourite TV show but nothing helps. She just screams and screams all day and refuses to do anything for him. It's making me wonder what is happening there that makes her hate it so much!!!

What could have brought this on so suddenly? Is this common or should I be concerned? I don't know what to think.

Screams all day

So your father says she doesn’t stop screaming even after a short while after you’ve left?

When you collect her…

Is she screaming? Red faced? Hoarse? Exhausted?

How often going there?

How often is he looking after her. I doibt she is screaming all day but doesn't sound like its working out.

I have no idea what's going on more than likely she's missing you . How is she when you pick her up ?

You’re leaving your baby with the same man you started the thread on recently shouting at you My dad shouted "you feed her too much!" when she choked on a little crisp, and then took you aside basically to threaten you?

How old is your LO?
Separation anxiety is age-related and real.

As much as you'll be thinking along the lines of safeguarding, also think separation anxiety/awareness of the world, boredom (does LO just sit there all day or go out? what is the stimulation/activities?) when you're at home, how do you get LO down for a nap, is it different to how grandad does it? What is your gut telling you? How does your dad seem? (Just as stressed as LO?)

You’d know if she’s been screaming all day op

the child would be a wreck

is it possible your father doesn’t want to look after her so much?

and why on earth would you even want to leave her with him after your other thread

What other thread?

I did wonder if there was more to this than the OP.

Ah "'that'" dad !

Why are you feeding a 14 month old crisps. That doesn't sound like a very good idea. I didn't see your other thread.

She goes there every day, 8am-5pm. Yes, my dad certainly has very different ideas about how I should raise my child but I cannot afford nursery very easily in my area (I live in a particularly expensive part of the south) and on my income so having him take her is my only option at the moment and I really don't feel like I have a choice. Do you think it's possible there's something going on, or is this just normal? Am I over thinking it?

He calls me throughout the day to update me and everything she's red in the face and screaming (on FaceTime). She is teething and she's having calpol etc for that but she doesn't seem to be teething as soon as I'm back with her?

I feel awful for even suspecting that she's not 100% loved where she is but it seems so strange, it's come on so suddenly... obviously I was partly raised by the man and I know he can be strict and very proud but...

I didn't... I was feeding her other food and my dad gave her a crisp that she choked on. I was giving her finger food!

Fuck me OP. Every day.

and with that I’ll bow out

Do you think it's possible there's something going on, or is this just normal? Am I over thinking it?

NOT NORMAL
Something is going on (she’s spending all day with someone who is happy to shout at his daughter and basically threaten her over a crisp!)
and no… you are under thinking this

My dad doesn't get too stressed about her screaming and I have had a bit of a row with him about this because when it first started, I stupidly said "I know you don't care about her screaming..." and he got upset with my and said that wasn't fair because he does care (I did apologise for saying it). He doesn't show stress if her screaming does bother him. I'm hoping it's just separation anxiety, it's just so strange that it's started in the last week after a whole month! He does put her down for a nap differently to me but that's because bfing is part of my nap routine and he obviously can't do that.

I'm so hoping it'll pass, I hate having to doubt that she's okay with him, especially as it's not so easy to afford nursery at the moment.

Can you afford maybe one or two days nursery? Tax free childcare or some other support?

anyone else who can watch her?

basically you need to make some changes so you can see if she still acts like this in other places/with other people to see if she’s just upset she’s not with you or upset that she is with your dad

I'm not so sure that it's that he doesn't want to look after her, rather that he might think that it's an easier job than he anticipated? I do sometimes get the sense that he sort of leaves her to it and gets on with what he's doing (obviously keeping her mostly safe, as no serious harm has come to her), few bumps from climbing up and down furniture etc.

I wonder if she just doesn't feel as safe? I tend to toddler around with her all day making sure she's not getting up to anything and maybe she feels a little lost there??

So he isn't trying to comfort a crying baby and he has threatened you?
Proud and strict?
Dosing up on paracetamol to combat crying?
Don't leave your baby with him.

And 'bumps'? FFS!

You know she doesn't feel safe with him and you leave your baby there all day?

I'm sorry but if she is screaming all day for that long I don't know how you aren't rushing to collect her?? No work committments should be put before your child's welfare. Especially so young.

Did you do a proper settling in with her, visiting together to familiarise her with him, then leaving her with him gradually bit by bit, increasing the time slowly?
From what pp said and the fact you said that you said she is there because you don't have a choice this seems to be an arrangement put in place for all the wrong reasons, and it doesn't sound like your father is very child friendly person who is able to meet her emotional needs.

Do you know that you may be entitled to have a proportion of your childcare costs reimbursed by universal credit each month?

Your baby needs to be somewhere she is adequately cared for and happy.

No this isn’t okay. You need to find alternative childcare.

Normal separation anxiety is when you drop your child off, they cry when you leave. Then they calm down and get on with their day. They might fuss a bit when you come back.

It is not okay to leave a child crying all day. Your dad is obviously not capable of caring for your child and forming a good attachment.

She’s just left to her own devices every day from 8am-5pm, falling off furniture, being ignored, being really distressed. This is complete neglect, and you need to put a stop to it before she’s psychologically damaged.

"I am so lucky that my Dad is able to take DD while I'm at work."

I am so lucky that I can send my daughter to be hurt and neglected every single day just to save a few quid. If the guilt gets to me I'll post on MN and tell everyone how much I care and how much better I am than my dad when I look after her.