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Original poster

Annoying in laws with new baby

71 replies

BMEC · 18/02/2023 14:22

My baby is 11 weeks old. Since day dot, the inlaws have been driving me crazy and are really intense with the baby. They want to visit every week and when we say no we are tired, they are offended. When they do see the baby, they hog him and become really intense. My father in law cried for the first 3 weeks every time he saw him.

When I say the baby is tired and needs a sleep they continue to stimulate him by talking, bouncing him up and down etc. My partner had actually said about 3 times "he needs to sleep so try and rock him instead". They literally take no notice. I then had to go downstairs and take the baby off them so I could get him to nap.

It's got to the point now where they are seeing less and less of the baby because 1) they don't listen to me and 2)they make me wanna puke with their cringey baby talk.

Am I being unreasonable? I feel like I'm being a crank but at the end of the day I look after him 24/7 and if he doesn't get his regular naps he is a nightmare. Has anyone else experienced annoying in laws?

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anotherscroller · 18/02/2023 14:24

Your partner needs to talk to them

CloakAndTin · 18/02/2023 14:25

How often do your parents see the baby?

Original poster
BMEC · 18/02/2023 14:37

CloakAndTin · 18/02/2023 14:25

How often do your parents see the baby?

My mum sees him regularly as she only lives around the corner but she listens to what I say and she helps with housework which is great. My dad and partner live over an hour away so they only see him once a month or so.

The inlaws live 40 mins away. Currently they're going weeks without seeing him as I cba with them.

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Whereland · 18/02/2023 14:46

This is where communication comes in handy. Get your partner to talk to them. Explain that their behaviour around the baby is just too intense and it's making you both not want them around. If they can calm themselves down and listen when you ask for baby back they will be welcome to visit more

AliceTheeCamel · 18/02/2023 14:55

Your partner needs to deal with arranging to see them and be around when they are there.

Seeing them less often is counterproductive as it will likely make them even more intense when you do see them

Others will disagree but I'm a believer in giving both sets of grandparents roughly the same number of opportunities to see your DC, even if one set are harder work than the other. Up to them if they take you up on it.

I found my somewhat intense MIL backed right off once DC got to the terrible twos!

JhsLs · 18/02/2023 15:01

I think you should be more grateful that you have in-laws who adore your child and want to involved because they love him, rather than wanting them to be around so they can ‘help you with housework.’ In reality, them coming around and spending time with your child would allow you (or your partner) to get on with said housework…

MTIH · 18/02/2023 15:02

They are not your DH’s in laws though. They are his parents and the grandparents of your child.
They miss their new grandson. Your parents don't as they see their grandson much more regularly.

Communication. You and DH with both families.
Maybe less time with your DH’s inlaws might make you all much more available and ready to be with your inlaws.

bussteward · 18/02/2023 15:03

CloakAndTin · 18/02/2023 14:25

How often do your parents see the baby?

Irrelevant: the OP’s mum could be there 24/7 and it doesn’t give the in-laws the right to stop a baby sleeping and ignore the parents saying the baby needs to sleep.

Isithotinhere · 18/02/2023 15:08

Can you go for a nap, have a bath or get put for a walk for an hour or two when they visit?

They could enjoy some time with their grandchild and son, without aggrevating you.

Your husband needs to tell them that you need to stick to nap routines, hand him over when he's tired etc. but I don't think it's fair to criticise them for using baby talk on a baby.

Would you agree to a routing of them coming say every Saturday morning for a couple of hours, and you can leave them and your husband to it.

Eatentoomanyroses · 18/02/2023 15:09

I’d start asking for help you can tolerate. Like asking them to take the baby for a walk or look after it while you get some jobs done. Children need as many people to love them as possible. You have to put your own annoyances to one side. You may need their help one day.

plumduck · 18/02/2023 15:10

Your DH needs to step up and tell them to listen. You say baby needs sleep they must hand baby back to him or you

shopmyfeelings · 18/02/2023 15:14

I don't think it's wrong to be pissed off that they ignore that the baby needs to sleep etc and you and your husband do need to enforce that more and tell them to respect you both as the parents.

You do sound pretty cold towards them though, with the comments about the baby talk and your FIL crying. I think that's actually really sweet and he is clearly really happy about his grandchild.

I cried the first time I met my best friend's baby because I was so happy for them and so excited to meet him.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 18/02/2023 15:19

JhsLs · 18/02/2023 15:01

I think you should be more grateful that you have in-laws who adore your child and want to involved because they love him, rather than wanting them to be around so they can ‘help you with housework.’ In reality, them coming around and spending time with your child would allow you (or your partner) to get on with said housework…

All of this.

Luredbyapomegranate · 18/02/2023 15:25

Well you are probably tired, but yes you are being cranky.

Your partner needs to talk to them and lay out how visits need to work around nap times. They shouldn’t be stimulating him when he should be sleeping, but beyond that you can suck up a bit of annoying baby talk once a week.

It’s in your baby’s interests to have a close relationship with his grandparents. And it is unkind to separated grandparents from the grandchildren unless there’s a good reason - once a week is not excessive. A big family is a good thing for kids. Get your partner to be more active about managing them, and take the opportunity to step out if you need to when they are there. You obviously don’t like them much, but if you don’t teach your kids to be welcoming to family, you may find yourself in a similar position.

Phenolet · 18/02/2023 15:27

JhsLs · 18/02/2023 15:01

I think you should be more grateful that you have in-laws who adore your child and want to involved because they love him, rather than wanting them to be around so they can ‘help you with housework.’ In reality, them coming around and spending time with your child would allow you (or your partner) to get on with said housework…

No way should OP be greatful to her inlaws who ignore her wishes and deliberately overstimulate the baby. Their wants should not come before the baby's needs ever. That means letting him sleep when he needs it and giving him to his mother when required. He's not a toy. How difficult is it to show basic respect to your DIL, a brand new mother?

There's plenty of time for bonding. My parents are adoring of my child and always respected mine and the baby's needs. As a result, I trust them completely and they can take the child out whenever they like. Win, win!

DemelzaandRoss · 18/02/2023 17:09

Such a sad post. Sorry you feel this way.
Fast forward to being a MIL yourself.
No matter how much you think you’ll be perfect, you probably won’t be. Your partner wouldn’t even be here without his mother, your MIL.
Just another MIL bashing post with the majority agreeing.

unfortunateevents · 18/02/2023 17:13

The baby is 11 weeks old and your in-laws have gone "weeks" without seeing him. So how many times have they even visited yet? Isn't it possible that they will calm down once the novelty wears off if they see baby a bit more regularly?

angstridden2 · 18/02/2023 17:15

I am so grateful for my lovely,sensible and kind DIL.I’m sure I’ve irritated her at times, I’m human after all. She is very close to her mum, but she is always gracious in her behaviour to me and loves that I love my GC. The moaning about MILs on MN makes me quite sad.

Original poster
BMEC · 18/02/2023 17:45

bussteward · 18/02/2023 15:03

Irrelevant: the OP’s mum could be there 24/7 and it doesn’t give the in-laws the right to stop a baby sleeping and ignore the parents saying the baby needs to sleep.

Show quote history

Exactly.

OP posts:
Thesaucysalad · 18/02/2023 17:48

YANBU that they dont listen

YABU saying u wanna puke with their “cringey baby talk” stop being such a mean cow

Original poster
BMEC · 18/02/2023 17:48

I am grateful for them, I haven't said I'm not. I'm literally explaining the reason why they are annoying me as they're not listening. At the end of the day, my baby and his needs come first before trying to please parents. Being a parent is hard enough without having extra stress.

OP posts:
Original poster
BMEC · 18/02/2023 17:50

Something wrong with your life clearly if you're commenting on my post and calling me a cow. Hope you've had a lovely day :)

OP posts:
Original poster
BMEC · 18/02/2023 17:51

Also.. to put things in perspective. We both visited today.. baby was asleep in the carseat and FIL woke him up on purpose as soon as we got there by poking him. Its not just one occasion I'm talking about.

OP posts:
TheSnowyOwl · 18/02/2023 17:52

You sounds hard work and they sound like they have forgotten how difficult it is when you have a newborn. Had your partner spoken to them?

Eyerollcentral · 18/02/2023 17:56

BMEC · 18/02/2023 14:22

My baby is 11 weeks old. Since day dot, the inlaws have been driving me crazy and are really intense with the baby. They want to visit every week and when we say no we are tired, they are offended. When they do see the baby, they hog him and become really intense. My father in law cried for the first 3 weeks every time he saw him.

When I say the baby is tired and needs a sleep they continue to stimulate him by talking, bouncing him up and down etc. My partner had actually said about 3 times "he needs to sleep so try and rock him instead". They literally take no notice. I then had to go downstairs and take the baby off them so I could get him to nap.

It's got to the point now where they are seeing less and less of the baby because 1) they don't listen to me and 2)they make me wanna puke with their cringey baby talk.

Am I being unreasonable? I feel like I'm being a crank but at the end of the day I look after him 24/7 and if he doesn't get his regular naps he is a nightmare. Has anyone else experienced annoying in laws?

Yes, you are bring massively unreasonable. Once a week is not excessive. Your tone about your husband’s parents is shocking. For god’s sake give them some basic respect. You do sound like a crank. If you haven’t let them see the child for a few weeks they have seen him what 7 - 8 times in three months? I understand you want to establish a routine and it’s your baby you decide what happens, but you seem to resent their very existence. I feel sorry for your father in law being mocked for being overcome with emotion and love for your baby.