Baby makes days out miserable

[Creamcakesandpastries]

Baby is 10 weeks old, EBF, not particularly content in general tbh, and I can count on one hand how many times I’ve properly ventured out of the house with him. One of these times was last weekend when I needed to go to the nearest decent town (40 mins away) to do some in-branch stuff with my banks. I made the effort to put some makeup on and got quite into the idea, thought maybe we could also try to have a nice day looking in some shops (mainly Primark which we haven’t got locally!) and having a coffee in a cafe. Husband and 2-year-old were coming too.

Well as much as we made the effort to sit down somewhere so I could feed him as soon as needed, kept him lovely and snug in his bassinet on the pram, kept the pram moving most of the time, he grizzled/ cried/ screamed pretty much the whole day. We still looked round Primark and some other shops, eternally hoping he would settle and go to sleep, but although he got close a few times he didn’t, and we were totally frazzled by the time we went home.

I was hoping it was just a bad day, but yesterday we needed to go again as I had forgotten a piece of documentation I needed for the banks, and he was almost as bad again. I even offered feeds pre-emptively this time, including in the car when we arrived at the car park before setting him up in his bassinet, and yet again he whinged all day, getting close to sleep but never properly settling. At one point my husband had taken the two kids to a cafe while I whipped round the banks, and as I was walking through the shop to the cafe at the back I could hear him screaming and came up see my husband cuddling him trying to console him. We wondered whether last time he didn’t like being too trussed up in his coat etc, so this time we put a jumper as an extra layer and used blankets to keep him warm but not too warm, and didn’t make a difference.

I’m just gutted that I finally felt like I wanted to be brave and get out in the world (I haven’t been great emotionally), just to find that going out as a family is actually miserable. I did make a massive effort both times to focus on giving lots of attention to our 2-year-old, who has also hardly been out lately and was born during the pandemic so hasn’t had the same experiences as other kids overall, but was conscious the whole time of poor husband trying to keep the pram moving, getting baby out for a cuddle when he was properly upset, deciding whether to find somewhere to feed him again even though it hadn’t been long since the last feed, rushing to try and look at what I wanted in the shops etc etc. I suppose it must be the big bad world being overwhelming for him and stuff because he’s so little, which I get, but I wish it wasn’t so debilitating.

I’m not sure what I want to achieve here, just sitting at 5-odd in the morning feeding him (having also fed him less than 1.5 hours ago and 2 hours before that, each time woken up by the most blood curdling scream which he keeps up throughout nappy change until latched on) feeling very sorry for myself! Thanks for reading if you have got this far!

My second was like this, we couldn't go anywhere and I was so embarrassed that people would think I was a terrible mother because he seemed so unhappy. My first had been a breeze and I took him to a billion baby groups and classes which he just smiled his way though, so I wasn't prepared at all.

I genuinely think my second just didn't like being a baby. He got much better with time though and at about four to six months became a lot more settled. He was still really hard work compared to my first, but it was more manageable.

He's five now and for the last couple of years he has been the easiest child I have by a country mile (I've got three), he's an absolute joy, so smart and funny and affectionate, I can take him anywhere. I know it seems like a long time to wait but things do get better. I totally know how you feel though.

Most are going to disagree with me, and also will tell me I’m a dick to suggest this but I’m going to anyway. You don’t have to take my advice of course. But put the baby on formula. Or maybe even mix feed. It does often make babies content for longer.

if you don’t want to do that, I understand, but it is an option.

other than that, it’s a difficult age, I’ve had 6 babies, and there are always tough days like that regardless of how you feed them, but I do find that helps. Like I said, if you love ebf then carry on, you’re doing great. Does baby have a dummy? Most my babies didn’t take to them but it’s worth a try?

I should add - mine never went in the lay flat pram after the first time. I got a newborn insert for the pushchair and he seemed to hate that marginally less.

@MrsChipsreturns its not harsh, it’s real life ime! Two little ones is definitely hard, I had a similar age gap to op and I think op needs to adjust her expectations.

get an appointment with a sling library and get properly fitted. I hated my baby bjorn, it was horrifically uncomfortable. Then I had a stretchy sling wrap and dd3 has just grown out of her ergo one. So much better.

@Biscuits1011 it makes sense to suggest formula because I do think the fact that I EBF is making it harder in a lot of ways. A few people in real life have suggested the same as I have been struggling with never getting a break. We have tried a few dummies but he hasn’t taken to any of them, just messes around and if we don’t keep a hand nearby to keep pushing it back in it’s out within seconds. When he gets a bit of rhythm he instantly starts looking like he might drift off, but then he starts fussing with it again.

I do pump but I only get enough in a day for my husband to sometimes do one night feed (much needed because I’m also crap when I’m sleep deprived!), which means that we don’t have milk on standby if I want to go out anywhere without the baby. I could try to pump more but it’s a faff, even if I pump the other side while feeding, because I have my toddler around too, always wanting to be near me, and can’t always get downstairs to the kitchen easily to wash and sterilise the pump ready to use again at the next feed (which will be at some unpredictable time in the future!). In this case maybe a few bottles of ready made formula would be good, but I think I’ve been a bit brainwashed on the supply issue and I’m a bit scared to do it!

Can't your husband have the baby in a sling? My husband used to do this for our children, the grandchildren and even my daughters puppy before it had its vaccinations. 😁 It will solve the problem of you finding the weight too much.

Forgot to say that my first baby was the most contented ever znd slept through the night at 3 weeks old. The second was awful. However she was the most delightful toddler, so there is hope. These phases are very short lived usually and there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Definitely get a sling, I got the Ergobaby 360 and DS would sleep in it the whole time and I had toddler DS in the pushchair which meant I had somewhere to hang the shopping.

See if there is a sling library near you so you can try some slings out before purchasing as they can be expensive.

A sling bus also useful for places that don't allow pushchairs, airports, stations etc.

Also, when you're out with your DH could he wear baby in the sling, away from your boobs and the smell of milk maybe he might sleep better, if he's not a fan of the sling so far.

I could have written this a year ago. Turns out my little boy had reflux and CMPA. Once we got on top of those he’s a delight. Not saying either are a definite for your little one but maybe try getting them upright in a sling and if it continues I’d look for another cause of the misery.

OP maybe try a different sling? Some people love the baby Bjorn but lots, like me, don’t get on with it at all. I have an ergo 360 omni that I used from a couple of months to 4 years with DD and I e used from birth with DS (now 11 months). He’s too big to do much around the house with in the sling but it’s great out and about. Maybe look and see if there’s a sling library near you or try an online consultation as some help can make a world of difference in how comfy carrying feels .

My DS went through a stage of being like this around that age, I could manage one shop before we had to just give up. It only lasted a few weeks though, I think it was just as he became more aware of the world and could see more and it was a bit overwhelming! But by 4 months was happily falling asleep in carrier or pram wherever he was.

So it may be a bigger issue, but it might just be a phase, fingers crossed!!

Could just be hungry - as in not fully satisfied? I realise this comment may incur wrath but worth a shot as it's making your life miserable and hard. And if it's not the solution (trying a bottle to supplement) then fair enough.

You haven’t met my youngest. He hated the sling. Much preferred the pram. I think it’s because he had colic/reflux so lying stretched out was more comfortable than the sling position.

Have you tried eating porridge which can sometimes make milk more filling?

Mum eats porridge and her milk is more filling? That can't be a thing?

I've now seen reports that eating porridge can help produce more milk. Zero about making it more filling, which makes sense to me.

Is the increase in milk supply anecdotal?

I’d try not having baby flat in the bassinet, like PP have mentioned. My kids both struggled to sleep in busy bright places like that. Especially once they “woke up” a bit and weren’t just tiny newborns after 3 months ish.

Also that kind of day out would’ve sounded pretty unenjoyable to me when mine were those ages, but for us it would’ve been the toddler making it challenging rather than the baby.

Dc1 was like this, I would cry because everywhere I went dc would cry! I remember leaving a hot meal in a cafe when dc was about 18 months old as dc had massive melt down that didn't stop, suddenly; I lost my appetite anyway as a result! We had no support so leaving with a relative wasn't an option! It improved when dc was about 2ish! Second dc was much better and a dream as a baby and still is (apart from when was 2 (terrible 2s) They are all different. I felt like my life stopped for acouple of years, and couldn't enjoy anything. It is only now as youngest is 3 that I really am enjoying things better!
Hope I haven't scared you, it was only my experience, yours might get better sooner!

'Carriers are your friend. Baby often just wants to be close to you. Never met a baby who didn't like a sling'

You didn't meet my oldest who hated it with a passion, and would stretch/arch right back and look at ceiling, terrible on my back! Screamed when ever was in the thing and I tried several kinds, definitely not a velcro baby; highly alert and fussy/grumpy from day was born!

Dc1 did also have reflux too so I'm sure that added to it, it was temperament also though.

You'll appreciate I don't have time to write much but I've got a 3mo and a 2yo and we are in the eye of the storm. The baby has been so unsettled, difficult to feed, short naps, is a wreck by lunch time.
We've not even attempted taking them both out together for more than 30mins locally.
I sit holding her in the dark for all naps trying to get her to sleep longer.
Anyway just wanted to say that I've written off my life for the next few months and am just focusing on making it through each day.
I don't know how other people do it!

To be honest I think you might have had unrealistic expectations. A walk around clothes shops then sitting in a coffee shop isn’t likely to be a super fun experience with a baby and toddler. In future I’d take turns and go by yourself then you could actually enjoy shopping.

Surely reflux is a good reason to keep baby upright rather than flat on their back?

I remember sitting watching netflix alot when breastfeeding in a dark room with dc1 ALOT. Dc2 was a breeze and would be fed on the move no issues, loved the sling, went to the cinema, meals etc. Complete opposite of dc1.