Baby makes days out miserable

[Creamcakesandpastries]

Baby is 10 weeks old, EBF, not particularly content in general tbh, and I can count on one hand how many times I’ve properly ventured out of the house with him. One of these times was last weekend when I needed to go to the nearest decent town (40 mins away) to do some in-branch stuff with my banks. I made the effort to put some makeup on and got quite into the idea, thought maybe we could also try to have a nice day looking in some shops (mainly Primark which we haven’t got locally!) and having a coffee in a cafe. Husband and 2-year-old were coming too.

Well as much as we made the effort to sit down somewhere so I could feed him as soon as needed, kept him lovely and snug in his bassinet on the pram, kept the pram moving most of the time, he grizzled/ cried/ screamed pretty much the whole day. We still looked round Primark and some other shops, eternally hoping he would settle and go to sleep, but although he got close a few times he didn’t, and we were totally frazzled by the time we went home.

I was hoping it was just a bad day, but yesterday we needed to go again as I had forgotten a piece of documentation I needed for the banks, and he was almost as bad again. I even offered feeds pre-emptively this time, including in the car when we arrived at the car park before setting him up in his bassinet, and yet again he whinged all day, getting close to sleep but never properly settling. At one point my husband had taken the two kids to a cafe while I whipped round the banks, and as I was walking through the shop to the cafe at the back I could hear him screaming and came up see my husband cuddling him trying to console him. We wondered whether last time he didn’t like being too trussed up in his coat etc, so this time we put a jumper as an extra layer and used blankets to keep him warm but not too warm, and didn’t make a difference.

I’m just gutted that I finally felt like I wanted to be brave and get out in the world (I haven’t been great emotionally), just to find that going out as a family is actually miserable. I did make a massive effort both times to focus on giving lots of attention to our 2-year-old, who has also hardly been out lately and was born during the pandemic so hasn’t had the same experiences as other kids overall, but was conscious the whole time of poor husband trying to keep the pram moving, getting baby out for a cuddle when he was properly upset, deciding whether to find somewhere to feed him again even though it hadn’t been long since the last feed, rushing to try and look at what I wanted in the shops etc etc. I suppose it must be the big bad world being overwhelming for him and stuff because he’s so little, which I get, but I wish it wasn’t so debilitating.

I’m not sure what I want to achieve here, just sitting at 5-odd in the morning feeding him (having also fed him less than 1.5 hours ago and 2 hours before that, each time woken up by the most blood curdling scream which he keeps up throughout nappy change until latched on) feeling very sorry for myself! Thanks for reading if you have got this far!

This.

My lad was just the same, grizzly and feeding so often I felt like my head was going to fall off. Turns out it was wind, and dairy/egg allergy so I abstain now. Sling was the best thing I ever bought else I wouldn't have been able to do anything. He did go in the pram, but needed to be kept moving in the early stages. Feeding him less, burping him more, dummy (we use nanobebe as they're shaped like a nursing nipple), keeping him upright after feeds, and not eating dairy/eggs were what worked for us. And of course his digestive system maturing. They do just get better with time.

My two are teenagers and 18 months apart. I remember the first 6 months of having two kids, we would get out to the local playground for an hour every morning so the older one could go on the swings and both got fresh air. That was about the extent of going out. Some days baby would sleep. Other days would be screaming and would need to be held.

Errands and shopping for clothes only happened when someone else was minding the kids. Properly fun days out didn't really happen until the youngest was more than a year old though luckily he loved sleeping in the stroller as he got older.

10 weeks is still super young. Frustrating for sure but this too shall pass xx

I think babies are just like this.
I would say your very lucky with your 2 year old.
My 2 year old is a nightmare in a cafe, last week he wanted the toilet 3 times ( only went once, just wanted to play with taps I think), and then legged it trying to escape out the door repeatedly. We only had a drink. Spent most the 15mins child wrestling. I very rarely go now and get a drink to go.
A trip to primark would just involve me hunting him down whilst he hides in clothing rails

At 10 weeks we were still in peak covid lockdown here so nothing open. But even a trip to essential places like bank, birth registration etc involved stopping, feeding in car, bouncing him up and down in offices, feeding again… I don’t think many 10 week olds just lay Down and nap for hours tbh

@Caspianberg my 2.5 yo is exactly the same. I can’t take her anywhere really except places she can be unleashed and not break anything.

@CupEmpty - I feel like I received the faulty child whose batteries never run out sometimes

Some babies seem to hate prams. Could you do longer days out with a sling and keep the pram for shorter trips untill baby is old enough to sit up in a pushchair? Could your husband watch the baby for an hour so you can take your 2 year old to a café or the park? It will get easier. My oldest was a very unsettled baby but improved as the months went on.

I agree with this, I think you have a very chilled out 2 year old and now having a fussier newborn is a surprise as you aren't used to it.

My first screamed whenever he was in the pram or carseat for longer than 30 seconds. We left our home city once in for 6 months I think, it was torture!!

Learn to feed with the baby in a carrier. Then you can go anywhere you like, no stress.

Thank you all for your replies, they’ve given me a good bit of perspective!

I have got an Izmi stretchy sling and an old Baby Bjorn we had second-hand for our first. He doesn’t like going into either of them and will cry and strain and arch his back, but after a bit of jiggling he does fall asleep and usually it will be a deep sleep where he copes much more with noise etc. I do feel quite uncomfortable and restricted when he’s in them though, and I find I slouch and my back hurts after quite a short time. The sling is more comfortable than the Bjorn and I’m pretty sure I’m tying it right, just don’t think I’m very strong/fit. I could definitely persevere with them though, and use one of them as a minimum to ensure he does get some sleep at a sensible time in the outing so that he doesn’t get overtired as some PP have mentioned. Although we haven’t tried babywearing out of the house so would have to find out if it’s as good at getting him to sleep then too. Sleep isn’t great at home anyway tbh, completely all over the place despite trying to do wake windows and stuff- could be a whole post on it’s own I think! I see babywearing mentioned as a solution to a lot of things and thought during pregnancy that it would be my saviour with having a toddler aswell, so am disappointed I kind of dread putting baby in it. This is me being a bit precious and selfish though maybe, so I should push through it and perhaps the more I carry him the stronger I’ll get? Our house is on 3 floors (kitchen downstairs, living room middle, bathroom and bedrooms upstairs), and I find this way more difficult to manage with 2 kids than I expected! Would love for the sling to be the silver bullet!

I don’t think my first was much easier but she wasn’t tested in the same way as we were in total lockdown and I had such anxiety I barely even got her out for walks round the estate. And come to think of it, when I did drag us both out I’m pretty sure she cried too. We used the bassinet on the pram to get her to sleep in the house for a while though as she was very resistant to sleep, so she didn’t hate it in the house? Very confusing! Maybe bright light, overstimulation, temperature issues associated with being out? She is an amazing 2-year-old so I have to keep telling myself it will all be worth it with the littlun in the end.

Unfortunately the seat with our travel system thingy wouldn’t be suitable for him yet as it doesn’t recline right back or anything and the design of it is very upright (Cosatto Giggle 3), and we definitely can’t afford another one, so we are stuck with the bassinet for now.

Reflux- maybe? I’m really not sure tbh. He does bring milk up a fair amount but I wouldn’t say it’s absolutely loads and doesn’t seem like a cause for concern compared to FF nieces and nephews, though his EBF sister was barely ever sick. He burps immediately sometimes when brought upright, sometimes burps on his own while still cradled feeding, then doesn’t burp at all at other times. He does seem to be straining and struggling at the other end sometimes. I don’t really know what to look for to be concerned about? We do always keep him upright for a while after every feed.

And finally on being realistic. Yes. I think I’ve been a bit silly to expect to be able to cart the two of them round the high street without a care in the world. Feel a bit silly now moaning about it. I guess I’ve been influenced by these people on social media with their perfectly content babies being taken here, there and everywhere. I do feel like all the other babies I see out are calmer and happier than my little grump, though! I suppose people with babies like mine are at home as they’ve learned the hard way that it ain’t happening! 😂

@MissBPotter I think that's harsh, op didn't say it would be a kid focused fun day out (they don't all have to be) she said they could make the best of it.

OP my son was similar when he was tiny, just all round miserable and hard work. He does have CMPA and reflux tho and once we treated those he was better. The constant feeding does sound a bit refluxy. Can you tilt your bassinet and keep baby's head raised? Or definitely look at slings like everyone has said.

Two is hard. 10 weeks is still very little. Solidarity.

I can count on 1 hand the number of times we used the bassinet. Miserable baby.
But, she didn't take to breast feeding either and was eventually found to have silent reflux.
Slings, upright all the time. She did not like being horizontal at all.

@Creamcakesandpastries - really recommend the ergo embrace sling the first year. It’s a soft sling but buckles so easy to always have on securely. We used a lot inside and outside.

@Creamcakesandpastries have you got a sling library near you where you could take your baby carriers and ensure they are fitted to you properly? I few tweaks can make all the difference to your comfort and ability to carry little one.

They’ll do that. It’s what they do.

Also I would definitely use the cosatto goggle main seat at 10 weeks. It lies flat from pictures, and they are 3 months almost.
I used our mountain buggy parent facing seat from 4 months as Ds could sit up and pull himself in carrycot so it was unsafe. The parent facing seat looks exactly like the cosatto giggle style.

It may be that baby just doesn’t like the bassinet, my boy didn’t. He wouldn’t get upset exactly but he would whinge a bit which was very out of character. When he was about four months old, we changed to the seat attachment and just had it fairly reclined. He was a big lad and had outgrown the bassinet anyway and he was much better, much more content when he was able to look around. We also had a sling but it was a pain in the arse and he didn’t like it that much, felt too contained I think. Worth a try for you tho!

I always had a carrier/sling in the pushchair until 6 months. I know what you mean about the back ache but maybe if you’re out with your husband he can wear the baby. Pushchair for me was a bit like a glorified shopping trolley those first few months 😂

What pram do you have? My DD was like this as long as she was in the bassinet. She hated being flat on her back and would protest the whole time. We had to use a baby carrier until she could go front facing, when she turned into a completely different baby. Now she loves being in the pram - she looks around happy as Larry and goes to sleep when needed. I don't miss those early months at all... I wish you luck!

On lying flat- that’s the thing! He is happiest lying flat in his play mat (one with a light-up elephant and dangly toys above him) and will sleep flat in his moses basket (though not every time, he has gone 6 blissful hours in there), have also had the odd nice time chatting to him with him lying on his changing mat after a change. So it’s not as if as soon as he lies flat he kicks off, maybe the bassinet just isn’t comfy?

@Caspianberg I just googled my pram and am amazed at that picture of the main seat lying flat because I had no idea it did that! I’m not sure if it needs an adaptor or something because it definitely doesn’t tilt into position like that when clicked into the chassis in the upright position- must have to be inserted into the chassis differently. I will have a look, thanks for pointing out!

@muddlingthrou the Cosatto Giggle 3 travel system. Come to think of it I do think my older one liked it better when she was sitting up!

Poor you; babies are blimmin' hard work and can be totally draining physically and mentally. Maybe you need a bit more practical help at home? Just don't let anyone try to convince you to give formula 😖

Mine would only settle in a sling at that age and for quite some time after. Once they were old enough, we would organise it so my husband would have baby in sling just after I'd fed them and I could get a bit of time to myself.

Other than that, sleep when you can, look after your own nutrition and hydration, drop unnecessary tasks (or delegate) and remember that this is only temporary. They grow so quickly.

I think that a lot of babies, although happy to lie flat, don’t like being bounced around in the bassinet. Probably don’t feel very secure?

i was forever pushing an empty pram whilst carrying baby in the sling, while people peered in to see if I had twins!!

The cosatto main seat should lie flat like this picture

I added a sheepskin liner to ours to make cosier.

If it’s anything like our mountain buggy, the clip on things are rubbish, and you just angle the seat how you want and click down. It doesn’t have a physical button.

I felt like everyone else had these sleepy newborns that they could cart around like a loaf of bread while they spent maternity leave visiting museums, seeing movies and sitting in cafes.

@StarsSand exactly! Loaf of bread made me laugh!!

Absolutely!
If biology permits, this could be amazing. Always envied mums who could do this.
Unfortunately mine could only use breasts as pillows when in the sling🙄