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Parenting

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Original poster

Would you let MIL bring new boyfriend when babysitting?

90 replies

bonkersconkers101 · 06/02/2023 19:40

I'll keep this short. My MIL has offered to babysit our four month old next week while we celebrate our wedding anniversary over dinner for a couple of hours. The baby will be asleep the entire time.

She's asked if she can bring her new boyfriend. She met him LAST WEEK ... I know nothing about him except his first name. I've not met him but caught a glimpse of him. He looks nice enough but I don't know him at all.

I don't think I feel comfortable having a strange man in my house with my newborn. I'm sure he's lovely but for all I know he could be casing the joint for stuff to steal or worse.

What would you do?

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Hoplesscynic · 06/02/2023 20:59

Blagdoon · 06/02/2023 20:49

My MIL has been with her boyfriend for 3 years and I still wouldn’t leave him alone with my child. I don’t know him and I don’t trust him, I know nothing about his past history or past convictions, and frankly it isn’t safe.

That's just too extreme. If you know nothing about criminal past and no red flags for 3 YEARS, why would you be so mistrustful?

LolaSmiles · 06/02/2023 20:59

Absolutely not and I'd probably want to find another babysitter because I'd question her judgement that she feels it's appropriate.

Hoplesscynic · 06/02/2023 21:03

Weird. I mean, leaving aside the risk around a total stranger, I just can't imagine how that went. They'd have hardly had their first 2-3 dates (at most!) in that week and she is already asking him to co-babysit her grandchild 😂

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7upandup · 06/02/2023 21:04

@Blagdoon yep I'm in this situation, although she's been with him about 7 months. He goes everywhere with her and she keeps asking to have baby to take out in the pram etc or to come watch her and of course he will be there. I keep putting it off. She invited him round to ours on Xmas morning - my baby's first Xmas. Em nope.

Original poster

bonkersconkers101 · 07/02/2023 05:47

Thanks everyone. I also find it a lapse of judgement on her part but I know she has a lot going on. We're going to say no but we look forward to getting to know new boyfriend. I think she'll be miffed but accept it and continue to babysit. If not, well, as many of you have said, it tells me a whole lot more about her ...

Thanks again!

OP posts:

SunlightThroughTrees · 07/02/2023 05:56

PennyRa · 06/02/2023 20:09

The only exception to no would be if he worked with children. A primary school teacher, a nanny, a paediatric doctor, someone you could normally trust with a child without knowing them personally

These are some of the professions that have the highest rate of child abusers. Predators deliberately go into jobs that give them easy access to their victims. Plus someone in those jobs will have done safeguarding training so therefore should be aware that this would be an inappropriate thing to do. I’d be even more disturbed by the request for the boyfriend to come along to babysit if he was one of the professions mentioned above.

Roselilly36 · 07/02/2023 06:17

saraclara · 06/02/2023 19:55

It's ridiculous to think that he'd abuse the baby, for goodness' sake. It's grandmother is there.

But even so I'd say, sorry, I don't know him so I'm not comfortable with him coming to my house when I'm not there.

Why take any risk? I certainly wouldn’t have done with my two children.

Sereni5 · 07/02/2023 06:49

SunlightThroughTrees · 07/02/2023 05:56

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PritiPatelsMaker · 07/02/2023 07:21

She's got a lot going on? Easy to manipulate by a man then.

Have you said you want her to still babysit but without him or have you said no completely?

Mummybearto3bg · 07/02/2023 07:30

No. I made it clear my mums new boyfriend wasn't allowed to meet my kids until they'd been together for a year. Even then I wouldn't let them be babysat with him. Takes years to trust someone with your children. Takes 2 seconds for them to ruin your child's life. I'm probably ott but I'd rather be that way

Armychefbethebest · 07/02/2023 07:46

Not a chance . My own mother did this offered to have mý youngest 2 who were 2 and 4 at the time .when they came back my 4 year old told me how much fun they had had with ' Steve ' he had stayed there the whole weekend. After I had been sexually abused at 8 by a boyfriends adult son I thought she would have had a little more awareness but no. The kids didn't have a sleepover ever again .partly why we are nc too.

Castle8 · 07/02/2023 07:55

No. I'm shocked she would ask she's not a teenager.

berksandbeyond · 07/02/2023 07:57

No chance and the fact that she even asked this means I wouldn’t trust her to babysit, clearly her judgment is way off and she’s thinking with another part of her body - not her brain!

custardbear · 07/02/2023 07:57

I can't believe she even asked!

FeinCuroxiVooz · 07/02/2023 08:49

nope. and the request shows such poor judgement that I would be booking paid childcare rather than having her do it. she's know him a week. she has no idea what he's really like, and she wants to bring him babysitting? she must be totally clueless and not a suitable person to be in charge of a baby.

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