Will my teen-agers hate me?

[Vicky118]

Hi all!

My husband and I currently live in a large town/small city area. We have three kids aged 13, 12 and 9. They are all happy in their schools and when we talk about moving they are very against it.

Me and my husband would love to move to Devon/Cornwall and have found a house which is in a pretty rural setting (approx 6 miles from the local secondary school). I read stories all the time about how teen-agers hate living in Cornwall and Devon, they feel trapped and have nothing to do.

Are we making a huge mistake considering moving the kids, will they likely hate us and be miserable?

Does anyone have any experience of moving kids from cities to the country... How did it go for you?

I would love to hear your opinions.

Don't do it. You'll be driving them everywhere for a start. They'll have fewer clubs and after school options than you have now.
Leave them to finish schools and college then consider moving.

My parents moved me and DSis 250 miles when we were 8 and 11 from a major city to the arse end of nowhere. We didn't hate them.

Don't do it! Teenagers becoming independant - much better that you don't have to drive and collect them from everything.

Yes, they’ll hate you, you’ll also hate ferrying them around. Wait until they leave home.

This

My parents moved us into the countryside at 15, 13 and 10. We were 3 miles from the nearest bus stop/shop and 10 miles from our secondary school/college.

They had to do a lot of ferrying around until we were 16 when we all got mopeds, lessons, tests and licenses for our birthdays.

My children were a bit younger when we moved from London to Cornwall - 8 and 10.
Clubs wise I'd say they had as much access as their old city friends. Just different. Think surfing and lifesaving instead of competitive lane swimming. Lots of music opportunities too - tho brass band based rather than orchestra.
Yes you'll have to ferry them about. But they'll be driving themselves at 17 - something. V few of their city friends can do now, even though they're all in their mid twenties.

It's just different is what I'd say.
Both mine went a long way away to university and have remained a long way away. That to me is the biggest disadvantage. Tho they love coming back in the summer!

They'll be fine. You are the adults. If you want to move then move. They're still young and will adapt.

I'd ask in the teenager section as well @Vicky118. You might get some different responses in there

Don't do it! Can't you just wait a few years until they're older and finished education? We have children the same age and wanted to move rurally but they were very against it and didn't want to change schools. We respected their wishes and moved locally instead. We decided we'd move to the countryside when they're 20 or so. Then it's up to them if they move with us or go to uni or whatever. I think it's very unfair to disrupt their schooling and lives in general at that age.

I think it would be awful to move them schools now if they are happy. Honestly Devon is not all it's cracked up to be, I'm from there and wouldn't move back. Finding work there is really hard.

I have loved experience in growing up in a remote village (like reaaaally rural - no buses, no trains or public transport, no takeaways, local cinema was 20+ miles away same for shops and even McDonalds was that far away ha).

However, this was from birth and I loved it. My friends I went to playgroup with went to the same primary school and then secondary school. I got a local job at 13 and then a job at a pub at 14 and worked as much as I legally could. We would go to each others houses, go for long walks, go to the pubs etc. Couldn't wait to learn to drive at 17 for independence.

There wasn't many groups but we went to brownies and guides etc. Also did a bit of swimming and music, but this tailed off due to commitments and driving distance for parents.

I miss this rural life. I moved away for uni and then jobs.

However, my eldest sister absolutely hated growing up in a village. Was embarrassed about this, but then her friends from school were all in a local town about a 30 minute drive away and I think she felt she was missing out.

I know it's not the same as this is all I knew. So I think an upheaval like that for your children would have quite an impact unless they are all for it. Is this something you can delay until they are older (at uni or working).

I doubt most teens would thank you for moving anywhere that's away from their friends TBH, be that to an exciting city or the sticks 🤷🏻‍♀️

Is your 13 year old in year 8 or 9 at school? If it's 9, they'll soon be choosing their GCSE options and starting those in September. It a difficult time in their lives. They'll also have to adapt to a whole new lifestyle and make new friends.
There will be less options for clubs, extra curricular activities, socialising now they're getting older, places to go with friends etc. also less options at post 16.
I personally wouldn't move my kids at those ages. I'd wait until they're at uni first. That's not a long time to wait and then you can do things for you and your husband but before then I'd think children come first.

Really check out this ‘nearest secondary school’. Post it here if you want.
Do your DC have SEN? If so, really check out the schools and read the LA ofsted report and follow up report (that showed no progress made).
Do your DC enjoy any particular hobbies? Are they available in the area you’re planning to go? Are you all used to theatre/ cinema/ shops?
Think about how far/ availability of post 16 provision.
How transferable are your own jobs?

My parents moved us to a little village age 13 & 14 - no public transport, nothing to do, 5 miles from the town we had lived in and our school.

We absolutely hated it and my parents hated having to drive us everywhere.

We missed out on (or had to stop) a lot of the growing up experiences that my kids are having- walking to school with mates, cycling to the park, walking into town to the shops or cinema, having a local part time job that's nearby, impromptu sleepovers with their mates, playing in the street with the neighbours etc.

But you know your kids best and how they will likely feel about moving!

Can you hear the anti-rural rhetoric coming from the thread?
That’s what you’ll be up against.
It has a basis in reality. Rural areas are where ‘levelling up’ should also have been targeted.

You'd be nuts to do this now, just as your older DC are at an age to enjoy some independence and freedom of movement.

It's not anti-rural rhetoric. I grew up in the countryside, I live in the countryside now. It was great when I was at primary school, it's great now. It was utterly shit, isolated, lonely and miserable as a teen. I missed out on so much.

Would there be school transport provided for high school, or would you have to drive them every day, plus to/from clubs and activities?

Could they continue the sports/activities they do now?

Is the house within a village setting or would a car be required to go anywhere, e.g. to buy a pint of milk?

Would you have 2 cars to enable ferrying 3 kids around, as well as getting to work, shops etc.

What are the public transport links like for DC wanting to get around independently, e.g. to meet friends in town on a Saturday?

How outdoorsy are the DC now? Would they embrace outdoor activities (in all weathers) or be bored to tears on yet another a rainy weekend in February?

I grew up rurally and loved it until I was a teen, felt everyone knew my business and all my teenage misdemeanors were under a spotlight. I think moving DC at particularly the eldest's age would be tricky. I would wait 10 years and move once youngest has finished school.

I know. But there shouldn’t be vast areas of the country that are intolerable for people between aged 10-30. There should be good transport links, access to services and wide ranging opportunities.

There absolutely should but unfortunately the reality is there isn't. And this leads to the depopulation of rural areas, essential jobs left unfilled and houses sold as second homes, bumping prices up.

It isn’t just about being anti rural, though.

If someone with children of these ages wanted to move from a rural location to a city I would advise against, just because it’s totally the wrong age to change schools and homes and friendships, it really is.

Absolutely this!