Will my teen-agers hate me?

[Vicky118]

Hi all!

My husband and I currently live in a large town/small city area. We have three kids aged 13, 12 and 9. They are all happy in their schools and when we talk about moving they are very against it.

Me and my husband would love to move to Devon/Cornwall and have found a house which is in a pretty rural setting (approx 6 miles from the local secondary school). I read stories all the time about how teen-agers hate living in Cornwall and Devon, they feel trapped and have nothing to do.

Are we making a huge mistake considering moving the kids, will they likely hate us and be miserable?

Does anyone have any experience of moving kids from cities to the country... How did it go for you?

I would love to hear your opinions.

We are moving from our house to someone totally different, 6 hours away from where we currently live when our children will be 16, 11 and 9. The 16 and 11 year old will be starting sixth form and high school so it's a natural break for them which might help, but they're all really really excited. Our soon to be 16 year old can't wait to make a fresh circle of friends - she's sick of hers!

The fact you have two teens & a primary aged child who are all happy at school is no small thing. Some kids are more sociable/easily adaptable (maybe yours are?) but I’d definitely hesitate to move three happy kids from their schools, especially with GCSEs looming for the eldest.

Sorry, misread - thought your eldest was 15!

Why do you want to move what benefits will you have because you are glossing over a hell of a lot of potential issues that they will face and what you are asking of them.

I think it depends on your dc and your lifestyle. It's worth remembering that the solitude of rural life can be both amazing and depressing and is why Young Farmers was set up.
We are semi rural, so best of both worlds. One of my dc loves being outdoors, all weathers and is fully into a country lifestyle. Groups like Young Farmers are important for them to mix with the like minded people who are difficult to find at a local comp. The other dc is a townie who would hate the isolation.
If you can find somewhere that give you the best of both worlds you will find life easier and opportunities for your dc better.

My brother moved to Cornwall early 20s.

He married, has three children and they have grown up being able to go to the beach etc.

But now they are adults, the youngest is at uni but the others have moved away because a) there isn't a lot of work and b) housing is so expensive.

Do you have parents of your own? My brother found it hard to spend time with my mother when she was dieing, there was an awful lot of road before they got to the motorways and that was in winter, he checked the trains but they were expensive and took ages.

Your teenagers may or may not hate you but it isn't like going on holiday. Yes it is beautiful but it takes ages to get anywhere. That includes specialist health care.

You might only have the choice of one secondary school, depending where you are. My brother had a choice of two for his children and then at 16 the only option was the college of FE. Don't get me wrong my brother's children did very well and got into the uni of choice.

There is historically a lot of drug problems.

One of the families from primary school moved to a small town in Devon. The DC were Year 6 and Year 8 and one in 6th Form.

Both came back to Manchester for University and stayed here. The oldest is in London.

My siblings grew up an a hamlet in Yorkshire and loved it. My DstepM did a lot of driving, which they were aware of, but 2 of them chose to live in the same place to raise their families.

So I think it depends on the children.

Is the 13 yo Y8 or Y9? If they are Y9, I imagine they'll be taking their options about now? If they move now, they may well not be able to slot into the subjects they want at a new school.

My parents moved me and my brother (early teens then) from London to the arse end of nowhere and we do still talk about how that limited our education and opportunities. All the friends who carried on living London have great professions and me and my brother despite being limited with opportunities still went to Uni but could have done better. Our schools were literally did the bare minimum, the community we lived in and our social circles had no aspirations in life and considering that, we still did fine but could have been much better. Me and my brother now live in London and my parents still live in the arse end of nowhere. To this day, I still don't know what possessed them with the move considering they had a good life in London.

I get what you say about school in rural read @teacupnugget
Ours was definitely lacking in aspiration. But that actually didn't stop our children. I think these days the world is far more connected and kids, wherever they are, can see opportunities.

Another vote for parking that idea until the youngest has fledged. They will hate you forever. I was moved at age 14 across the country missed my friends and freedom terribly developed an eating disorder and nearly died.

When my kids were small we lived rurally then moved to a town when they were 10 (they are 20 now) and having them self-serve their social life and school has been wonderful plus their friends coming back to us.

Put them first. Your rural fantasies can definitely wait.

The fact you have two teens & a primary aged child who are all happy at school is no small thing

This is a great point. You have 3 happy kids, so why roll the dice? Even if only one of them hates the move, you will be worse off.