"You have to finish your plate"

[swipe]

I was raised to finish my plate no matter what. Even if it would mean sitting there for hours or eating food that I hated. Otherwise, it was deemed disrespectful. I understand this ethos to a certain degree, particularly if you've cooked something nice that then goes to waste, but now as an adult, I find myself ignoring my body is signals that I'm full and feel obliged to finish everything that's on my plate (and then some...)

I tend to overeat I feel frustrated at myself for lacking the ability to eat more mindfully.

I don't want to raise DS this way. I want him to listen to his body, and if he is full up, he doesn't have to finish his plate. But that also means nothing till the next meal or dedicated snacktime, as you also don't want them to be overly picky.

I'm a new mum so eager to hear other peoples thoughts on this and what you teach your kids around food. I have struggled with an ED for years (for reasons that go beyond this) and don't want my child to inherit any anxiety around mealtime.

Finish your plate is very out dated. I don’t know anyone who says this now.

I don’t make DS finish his food, if he says he is done I’ll say “OK, just so you know there’s nothing until xx time” sometimes he’ll have a bit more as he was hoping for a better option, and sometimes he says he is done.

This is a hard one, because on one hand I agree that they shouldnt be forced to finish their plate, and need to learn to control and understand their apetite

i try not to do that with my kids, however its hard because if i left it up to my 4 year old to decide how much to eat, she’d have 3 mouthfuls and say she is done and then 20 mins later say she is hungry 🤦🏽‍♀️.

i tell her she wont get anything else, she can have some fruit or a yoghurt if she really insists she is hungry.

Start with a smaller portion, with more available if still hungry.

Encourage them to try new things but not finish it if they don't like it.

I give my DC smallish portions. Large portions overwhelm them. There’s always more if they want it.

We never insist DD finishes her plate. She's also allowed to have dessert even if she left her main meal - there are no punishments on our house for not finishing your dinner. That said, she usually does clear her plate or come close, so it's not much of an issue. Like you, we don't do extra snacks between set meal/snack times, though honestly she rarely asks. The only times she really complains about being hungry is if food is delayed for some reason, like if we've ordered takeaway and it's taking a long time.

I don't know anyone who says this now. The portion on the plate is a random amount decided by an adult and doesn't really mean anything.

The closest thing now might be "You can't eat until dinner" because eating close to a meal would ruin appetite.

Cross post, agree with trying foods too

There's a middle ground between you force feeding them and them taking the piss. You just find it over time.

Eg mine don't have to clear their plates but they're not going to get a snack ten minutes later if they don't eat their dinner. And every meal includes at least some food they reliably like.

I was forced to clear my plate and it's really messed me up. With DS(3.5) I tell him to eat until he's full and then the food goes away. He gets two small snacks between meals anyway, so he's never going that long without food.

I make a point of letting him know that fruit and veggies are always available though. So if he won't eat his dinner, he can always have cucumber sticks or an apple, but he can't have crisps.

I don't know anyone that says finish your plate, it's really old fashioned isn't it? I don't always finish my plate if I can't manage all of my meal. Maybe I served you too much in the first place.

Absolutely not not ever

not only does it potentially create all sorts of psychological issues around food it is also bordering on abusive in fact personally I think force feeding is abuse.

Good advice about small portions and then they can always have more if wanted.

How about not plating and doing a more help yourself, asking how much they want?

I didnt force mine to finish the plate. However they didn't get to eat dessert if they hadn't eaten main meal (we also do not do dessert daily)

Many here will say that's making a food issue. However I see it as teaching them about what our body needs and what we like.
Body needs nutrients we like sugar and such
So if we chose to not fill up on nutrients we will eat too much of the sugary stuff to fill up.

I never did the overloaded plate using smaller plates until they asked for a large plate like you and dad.

All 4 of mine have a healthy attitude to food and acknowledge desserts and fruit are often. Go to sugar highs so will eat other stuff first.

It is really possible to teach kids from an early age that some food we need more of and other is treats. Without somehow making a battle of it or forcing the food down them.

All 4 in their early 20s now and none of them eat dessert daily.

Mine doesn’t have to eat it all. I also let him snack after if hungry.

He’s 2. I don’t feel comfortable leaving a 2 year old hungry just because he choose not to eat meal for whatever reason. He can have a banana or something. He will learn as he gets older and can understand and explain easier what he does and doesnt like

We don't make them finish their plates but they do have to try a bit of everything on their plate. Otherwise they'd only eat the carb and leave everything else 🙄

I remember being made to eat everything and it definitely has taken me a long time to listen to my body and only eat what I want/ until I'm full.

I've discussed this with my Mum more than once recently.

I was not raised to clear my plate. I was raised to eat to sufficiency. I was given an appropriate portion and there was more if I wanted it.

My DH was raised to clear his plate. It shows. He hates wastage, hates leaving food. But the effect of that is on the waist. And he eats so quickly.

And for example, if we are eating out, both my Mum and I have small appetites but enjoy food. It's perfectly acceptable for us to leave some of our mains to leave room for a yummy dessert!

I hate feeling so full I feel ill/sick. Why?

nothing till the next meal or dedicated snacktime

I feel a dedicated snack time is odd. As an adult I have a snack if I’m hungry, I don’t tell myself I can’t have something until X time.

Completely agree with you @swipe. It sounds like I have similar issues and concerns around food to you.

I have 1 DS (2.5years). I’m incredibly lucky, so far he’s been a fantastic eater. Will try anything on his plate and doesn’t turn his nose up at anything. As much as possible, I try to have us eat at the table together and eat the same meals. I serve small portions and tell him “if your tummy still feels hungry you can ask mummy or daddy for more”. I think that’s also been really good for helping his speech. He names specifically what parts of the meal he’d like more of.

I also like to get him to help with meal prep as much as possible and often get him to choose what’s for dinner Or what veg to have with it etc.

As an adult I don't really snack at all except on a special day like Christmas or something, and I eat meals at more or less set time, so it doesn't seem odd to me.

It's this for us too. And especially if it's a dinner we know they like but they are holding out for pudding, we'll agree a minimum amount they need to eat in order to get pudding. More often than not once my 4yo stops being an obstinate wotsit and starts eating he forgets the fuss and clears the plate anyway!

I think the "finish your plate" ethic was dying a well-deserved death, along with other forms of pointless parental authoritarianism, but we're seeing a partial resurgence of it because of the current obsession with "food waste".

Personally I feel that food is just as wasted if it is forced down by someone who neither wants or needs it as if it is thrown away. Nobody should be pressurised to eat beyond their level of hunger; it's abusive. Genuine eating difficulties like ARFID and phobias need professional advice and an informed, sensitive approach.

I also think the "no pudding if you don't eat your dinner" is harmful in its own right. It sets up a dysfunctional, unnecessary binary between "treat food" and boring, sensible nutrition which can dog a person's lifelong relationship with food. The previous poster poster who justified it with stuff about "our bodies need nutrients, but we like sugar" is buying into this; puddings contain nutrients, too. Custard, for example, yoghurt, home-made cake - eggs, milk, cream contain nutrients. They may be better for some bodies at some times than the constituents of a main meal, with refined carbs and more protein than is needed. It's not about good food and bad food.

Dessert for my DD can be fruit on its own e.g. apple, banana, or fruit such as berries and plain yogurt. She loves plain yogurt.

Anyway what I've noticed is that just before she has a growth spurt she clears her plate for every meal. Other times she can leave it as she simply isn't hungry at all. She can even leave desserts.

You are absolutely right. Nonsense like this around food can easily sow the seeds of an eating disorder. Food should never be made into a big issue for children.
My parents were like this, it was all about cleaning your plate and having to eat food you didn’t like. My father used to make mealtimes into a race to see who could finish first. My mother used to try to literally force food into my mouth. Hey presto, my sibling became a fussy eater and I have had a lifelong struggle with my weight.

I also think the "no pudding if you don't eat your dinner" is harmful in its own right. It sets up a dysfunctional, unnecessary binary between "treat food" and boring, sensible nutrition which can dog a person's lifelong relationship with food.

I completely disagree with this. Children want to eat crap. Adults need to ensure they eat healthily. I do feel there are too many parents who baulk at having to be the grown ups and say no sometimes.

Our youngest (6) is a pain around food. If he had his way he'd eat nothing nutritious whatsoever. He often gets ill and we are trying to make him value family dinner time.

He eats a lot through the day and so by dinner time is never especially hungry. So, we give him a tiny 'tasting portion' of whatever the rest of us are having. A truly minute portion - it looks like we are starving him! Even this, he can kick off about. If he doesn't eat it, he will have it for breakfast. We've had to have a couple of very painful breakfast times, but the message seems to be getting through, finally.

Of course, when he likes the food he'll ask for more, and get what he needs/wants.

We emphasise that the main thing about dinner is to have a taste of everything, not be rude about the food, and enjoy sitting for 5 mins with his family to hear about their day.