"You have to finish your plate"

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I was raised to finish my plate no matter what. Even if it would mean sitting there for hours or eating food that I hated. Otherwise, it was deemed disrespectful. I understand this ethos to a certain degree, particularly if you've cooked something nice that then goes to waste, but now as an adult, I find myself ignoring my body is signals that I'm full and feel obliged to finish everything that's on my plate (and then some...)

I tend to overeat I feel frustrated at myself for lacking the ability to eat more mindfully.

I don't want to raise DS this way. I want him to listen to his body, and if he is full up, he doesn't have to finish his plate. But that also means nothing till the next meal or dedicated snacktime, as you also don't want them to be overly picky.

I'm a new mum so eager to hear other peoples thoughts on this and what you teach your kids around food. I have struggled with an ED for years (for reasons that go beyond this) and don't want my child to inherit any anxiety around mealtime.

We waste very little food though. Generally I always serve Ds just a tiny amount then he gets more if he wants. Dh and I also serve ourselves a normal amount and leave extra in pans. If hungry after we eat more. If not, that food hasn’t been touched so we just pop in fridge and Ds will eat as leftovers for lunch the next day

I am glad to hear this approach is outdated (as it should be). In my childhood it actually changed overnight - we used to be able to eat what we want and one day my mum just said "nope I've had enough of this everyone needs to finish everything", and it was like this forevermore. I was about 12. I also vividly remember hearing things like "an animal died for your meal so you have to finish it". Lots of guilt tripping.

Interestingly I think intuitive eating starts with breastfeeding for my DS (he's only 5 months). He chooses how much he wants to eat, and when he is satisfied, which I think is a wonderful thing.

Also I didn't realise a dedicated snacktime isn't a thing (I was more thinking of school time which was the norm?) I'm not even at the weaning stage so I'm not quite with all of this just yet as a parent.

@theemmadilemma that's so interesting to hear your comparison. Unfortunately I tend to feel sick/unbearably full very often, it's horrible. I also inhale my food!

He often gets ill and we are trying to make him value family dinner time.

And this you plan to achieve by engineering "painful breakfast times" in which he is presented with the cold, unappetising remains of a dinner he's already rejected. Good luck with that

I have no problem laying down the law with my children when it's called for (and sometimes, it is). Controlling attitudes around eating, however, aren't helpful to anyone.

I had to finish my plate even if i was full or hated the meal, i remember hours of misery at the dinner table. I don't feed my children food i know they dislike and i do not force them to finish their plate BUT if they are taking the piss by taking one bite and announcing they are done i do say 'i would like you to have 5 more bites please' they do and normally a few more.

So my daughter doesn't have to finish her plate, but she doesn't get anything else if she doesn't eat it (unless it's something she really doesn't like or is poorly!)
We also don't do snacks as much, so she can have some fruit if she's hungry mid afternoon or mid morning, but other than that there isn't any snacking. I have lots of friends who tell me constantly that their child is fussy and doesn't ever eat their dinner, yet are constantly fed crisps and yoghurts and chocolate and ice cream an hour before they sit down for their tea!! Of course they won't eat their dinner!!

Also, we don't put food on other people's plates - food is served in the middle and then you serve yourself. So if you're not feeling hungry or don't fancy it, you don't put it on your plate! If it's on your plate and you put it there, you are expected to eat it.

To add though, I was brought up in a house where waste was frowned upon which is fair enough imho, and I have a very healthy attitude towards food now.

I wasn't really brought up like this although I distinctly remember one time that's stuck in my mind if being made to sit there to finish. And I remember hating it.
And yes It's because of this that I don't do it with mine.
My rule is to try what's on the plate (even if she's had it before) but that's it, she doesn't have to eat it.

No, I don't believe in finish your plate. It creates unhealthy habits.

I don't have the exact same hunger every day - some days I'm more hungry and some I'm less. As long as they eat what they need and aren't just trying to get round dinner food in the hunt for something more treat-ish I don't mind.

The majority of our meals the veggies and sides are in bowls on the table for folks to serve themselves so they are actively encouraged to eat to their appetite. We encourage to take an amount and then add more if still wanting rather than piling a plate full.

Ours also have snack boxes. At the start of the week their snacks/treats for the week are selected and put in their boxes. It's entirely up to them if they sit and binge everything on a Sunday or eek it out over the week. The first week they (mostly) ate everything quickly and then moaned, but I stood firm.

It stops the unnecessary eating when someone wants something just because someone else having it. They know their share will still be there later/tomorrow/in a few days so there's no need to want an apple or crisps or sweet just because a sibling is having one.

The children all have far better food relationships than I did/do.

Yeah you're right to say that listening to your body is the lesson to teach, not finishing the plate. But it can be a real tug of war between snacks and dinner, and sometimes they will deliberately not eat enough dinner because they prefer snacks.

Also, some kids literally barely eat anything and getting them to eat at all is a massive win. My eldest is 5 and has never ever eaten half a plate of food, let alone a whole one. She's underweight and the whole thing is a daily source of stress.

So maybe wait and see how you go before you stress too much about the big questions

Like I said, @Grensleeves, it's working.

Some parents just can't bear to be unpopular.

So if you made let’s say a pasta bake and he didn’t eat it you’ve made him eat it cold from the fridge for breakfast?

Yep, last night's dinner for breakfast. Heated up, not cold.
Looking forward to the accusations of child abuse to start. 😄

I just can’t imagine being that worked up about my kid not eating their tea that I’d do this to them the next day.

little tubs being put in the microwave when their peers are having cereal or toast. It’s beyond proving a point or educating them to me but then I’m not trying to turn meantimes into some sort of boot camp

Mealtimes not meantimes
that was a Freudian slip if ever there was one 😂

My rules, not many and no empty plate policy …

if it’s something new that they claim they don’t like (when they haven’t tried it), 3 mouthfuls before they can leave it. This was often enough to make them realise that they did like it, if not then I avoided serving it again or gave an alternative if I did.

Finishing the veg that has been served is the one non-negotiable (again I only served them what I know they like or at least don’t hate!)

If they left most of a meal bc they didn’t like it then offer somewhat nutritious alternatives such as eggs/beans/cheese on toast or pasta in veggie sauce. Not dessert.

With dessert, it wasn’t a case of not being allowed if they hadn’t eaten but if they hardly ate anything and then claimed to be full then my argument was ‘how can you eat dessert if you are full?’ - so there would be some negotiation about eating more of the nutritious stuff before the sugar!

I think this comes from a time when there really was nothing until the next meal. Parents genuinely needed to make sure it was eaten.

We have the opposite problem now. So much snckibg that a child never actually comes to the table hungry. If course they'll it eat if they're hungry, but they very rarely are that hungry

I've got one who's an excellent eater and was from day one, I could have told you all about how it should be done then. Then I got DS who taught me not to be so smug 😆

I have never done finish your plate, that seems cruel. Although I remember having to finish mine when I was little! We discuss being full and my dc stop eating when they are full up. If they don’t like something, I try and encourage them to try a bit, which they are normally happy to do. If they don’t like it after trying then that’s fine, they can leave it. If they really don’t like anything on their plate I’ll do them some toast, although this rarely happens. My main aim is to try and make meal times enjoyable and sociable!

Definitely agree with your choice to not force DS to finish his plate. I am the same with DD. (2). She can tell us she's finished and sometimes if she's barely eaten I'll ask if she's sure as there's nothing else until snack/lunch/supper whatever the next meal is. Sometimes she then has more but most of the time she says she's done so we just let her be finished. If we're still eating she waits until we're finished before letting her out of her chair (she's strapped in so can't just get herself down) but we don't force her to eat any more she just sits and chats to us while we eat.

Mine isn't so much a dedicated time as it depends on what time they've had the previous meal but "snack time" would be between 9-11am for example, but if she tells me she's hungry at like half 11, I'll just make lunch earlier

When my two were little I would put out a healthy platter (enough for two children) of bite size protein/carbs/fruit/veg - varied each day - and they would eat what they wanted.

I would insist they sat together at a little table until, like a lot of children, they’d had enough, get bored and want to go and play. I’d leave the platter out for ‘grazing’ and that was usually gone by the end of lunchtime. Then they could have a little yoghurt or a rice pudding etc which would see them through until teatime.

It was bliss. No battles. No ‘faddiness’ around certain foods - they could try it and see if they liked it. Self regulated and lots of variety.

I think forcing to finish a plate is harsh. I think offer a small portion first (as they get older, ask them how hungry they are / how much they’d like). Encourage trying each part of the meal even if they don’t finish it.

Being forced to finish my plate has led to a lifetime of overeating for me.

I don't make my kids finish due to the above and also because I'm not great at judging portion sizes.

I was raised to finish everything, DH too. He still does it. It took me a long time to realise why I was over eating.

When DC were born, I was in my early 30’s, I decided that I would not repeat my parents behaviour. There was a lot more than being forced to eat food.

I gave them small portions and if they needed more I put more on their plate. That way I knew they had enough, but they had the amount they needed. Also, they ate what I ate once they were past the baby stage.

When I wanted to introduce new food items I put them on my plate, this made them curious.

I hate this. My father used to to this to me and just thinking about it now fills me with an uneasy feeling. It’s horrible. I never force my daughter to finish her plate. She eats what she wants and finishes when she has had enough. I tend to think whatever issues kids get now, they grow out of them anyway, I.e fussy eating.

Erm hard one our 4 do get told to eat up and mostly they do knowing they get dessert afterwards..if its a new food then lenient if I can see there trying but struggling. Its getting the in between of them not thinking it's ok after 4 spoonfuls to say they've had enough or forcing them to continue. You will figure what's right