"You have to finish your plate"

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I was raised to finish my plate no matter what. Even if it would mean sitting there for hours or eating food that I hated. Otherwise, it was deemed disrespectful. I understand this ethos to a certain degree, particularly if you've cooked something nice that then goes to waste, but now as an adult, I find myself ignoring my body is signals that I'm full and feel obliged to finish everything that's on my plate (and then some...)

I tend to overeat I feel frustrated at myself for lacking the ability to eat more mindfully.

I don't want to raise DS this way. I want him to listen to his body, and if he is full up, he doesn't have to finish his plate. But that also means nothing till the next meal or dedicated snacktime, as you also don't want them to be overly picky.

I'm a new mum so eager to hear other peoples thoughts on this and what you teach your kids around food. I have struggled with an ED for years (for reasons that go beyond this) and don't want my child to inherit any anxiety around mealtime.

Put all food in the middle and help yourself to what you want. Start small and take more if you want it. Try everything but in small portions. Saves waste. A huge plate of food is daunting to a child.

Giving a child last night’s uneaten dinner for breakfast is grim. One of those things we used to joke about as teens in the 1980s and I thought we’d moved on from that mentality.

For my children, I always plated up a small amount of what we were having and said eat what you want, leave what you don’t want, you just need to try everything and you can have more of what you like. Always fruit and yoghurt available because I didn’t want pudding to be seen as a reward for eating the main course.

Desert here is Greek yogurt and fruit 99% of the time. Therefore it doesn’t bother me if he still has desert if he didn’t eat diner. It’s filling and nutritious, I would rather he ate something if still hungry, than wake hungry and affect everyone’s sleep.

If he’s hungry in the hour leading up to dinner, I just give him raw veg as a starter or count it as part of his dinner.

'Family style' hate the phrase but it really works, let them eat what you want. As an adult I don't want to eat everything on my plate if I'm full, I'd be sick or indigestion would kick in.

I chased enough cold peas around a plate, as a child, under the discipline of not being allowed to leave the table until I had finished what had been served to me.

In adulthood, I never do this; and I vowed never to force my own child to do the same. I feed DS what I know he likes and if DS decides he has had enough, then I remove his plate. It's not a battle worth fighting.

you just need to try everything

And if they don't? What's the consequence?

I was glad to reiterate at dinnertime to the older kids that the reason they serve themselves food is so that they don't get given more than they are comfortable with, and they need to listen to their tummies to see if they are full or not. They had seconds tonight. 😀

As for the 6 yo, because he doesn't even eat the bare minimum, and certainly not food that's healthy, we will continue to insist on the "you just need to try everything" approach.

I absolutely agree with the theory behind it. My son doesn't get dessert if he leaves his brocolli because he doesn't like it (he is only 18mo so obviously I don't force him to finish - I think when he's older he will stay at the table until it's done)

However, if he's eaten a reasonable amount of food and really doesn't want any more, then I don't have a problem with him leaving the rest. I will give it to him at a later time if possible, because I hate wasting food (sometimes it's inevitable)

Let me see … they did try everything because they knew that if they didn’t like it nobody would make them eat more of it. So no consequences or punishments required.

And now they’re both adults they eat food, not too much, and although I can’t say mostly plants, they eat well.

I don't put any focus on plate finishing, not eating until the next meal etc etc. We obviously try to make sure our children eat a healthy diet for the most part, but there's no weird rules around food and nothing is forbidden. I wouldn't carry on eating when I was full and I wouldn't sit there starving when I was hungry, I don't understand why you'd teach a child to do this? We have a healthy positive relationship with food in our house, hopefully this will rub off on our children.