Ex giving night nurse to my 13 year old

[kl76]

Hi I'm a newbie here and looking for some reassurance that I'm not going OTT with my ex hub and his new wife's care of my DD ( 13) when she has a cold 🙈. I just found out off DD they've been giving her Night nurse
She's had manageable sore throat and common cold symptoms which imo can easily be managed by rest , Calpol , or even odd paracetamol tablet now. Night nurse is a pretty strong cocktail of drugs plus alcohol , and clean knocks out my DPs dad 😂. Thing is his new wife is a pharmacy technician 🙄and consulted her bnf book which stated it was fine for over 12s ( unlike sale license of age 16). The night nurse leaflet is full of warmings so I don't care about bnf tbh! Imo it's a strong drug that's not necessary for her. Exes wife has basically advised him to give my DD this and I'm really not happy . His new wife doesn't have a good relationship with me so I can't raise my concern with her . She was a friend of mine and started a relationship with my ex when we were separating ( me and ex and kids were still all living together ) and she involved my kids and all sorts far too soon. Despite this, I'm happy to talk to her , have no problem with her and it's been 3 years now since ex and I divorced. We have all since moved on with our lives , but they live around the corner and she refuses to be civil - won't even say hello or answer the door to me or to anyone related or connected to me; and my ex tells me she thinks I'm a hypocrite and drama queen for reasons I am honestly oblivious to 🙄. I've raised the medicine issue with my ex hub and he's saying that his wife knows best because she's a pharmacy technician . She's certainly not qualified to diagnose or prescribe and I myself am more qualified in a professional medical capacity , so its abit annoying that my opinion as my DDs mother isn't taken into account. My DD is far too young to be having night nurse when there are easily loads of other medications she can safely have for a simple cold. I'm always reluctant to raise any concerns as they are both so unapproachable and get super defensive when I raise anything to do with my girls - saying I'm controlling and a drama queen. Believe me ...I rarely approach them , I only ever raise the odd thing that I believe I should be involved in about my girls care/ school etc . I communicate in a non attacking way and I pick my battles and let a lot go . Im not trying to control what goes on in their home here ( he will say I am ), I'm concerned about my Dad's welfare. I think this is a subject ok to raise with him. Do any of you lovely Mums agree or should I have left it?

You know what will harm your daughter more than a bit of Night Nurse? You looking for spurious reasons to criticise the care she recieves at her Dad's because of unresolved adult conflict.

I'd tell your dd to refuse it next time. That medicine isn't necessary

It sounds like there are several versions of nightnurse. The boots website clearly says 16+.
So it might depend exactly on what night nurse product she is being given.
It wouldn't be my first choice, but then at 13 my kids would have quite a strong opinion on what to take when ill.

Off to Google 18%vv, as I've clearly got it wrong. I thought it meant 18ml of alcohol in 100ml of product.

If she was 3 I would hit the roof but 13 as occasional use I wouldn't be her up over it. If you don't want her to have it send her with some paracetamol instead and tell her to refuse it

The real issue is the stepmother overriding your wishes.
No matter her qualifications she’s overstepping boundaries and your ex needs reminding of this.

I don't like it for myself so no I wouldn't give it to a child. It totally zonks me out, gives me a migraine and I'm fuzzy headed most of the next day

the issue is not the stepmother overriding the mums wishes. While the child is in the care of her father he can decide about what medication is and isn't appropriate and he has taken advice from current partner which he is entitled to do.

I considered giving it to my dd recently as she struggles to swallow tablets. The bottle said over 16 but medical advise under that.

Your dd sm has taken medical advice and deemed it safe.

It’s not a “drug similar to codeine”. The ingredient which has a mildly sedative effect is the Promethazine which is an antihistamine. The alcohol content you mention is irrelevant. You’re completely overreacting. A child your daughters age can safely be given up to 60mg promethazine in 24 hours. There’s no reason your 13 year old DD can’t have this medicine when needed.

I worked in Boots pharmacy for a number of years, amongst other community pharmacies. There are a number of P medications that cannot be sold over the counter for children under 16 but are perfectly safe and legal to be given under medical advice. Similarly, there are over the counter products that a pharmacist is not allowed to sell to pregnant women but that a GP would be happy to prescribe.

This. He's her parents as much as you and can make decisions while she is with him.

It's fine for 12 and over. You should be pleased that they are giving appropriate treatment to your I'll child.

Is this about the night nurse or husbands new partner ?

What relevance as your husband shagging her when he was with you got to do with her being qualified (or not) to recommend night nurse (which book states safe to give anyways).

I'm sure daughter had a better sleep and feels a bit better for step mum trying to help her recover and not leaving her to suffer whilst with them.

If she give her nothing you'd be up in arms about that too. Nobody has died.

Move on ...

Thanks for all your input everyone . Btw it's night nurse I'm talking about not Calpol for some saying massive over reaction😂.
I personally don't think I've over reacted as I haven't launched an attack , I've simply logged it as a concern of mine as I'm not happy about that being given to her every time she has a cold. I rarely raise anything and pick which things I feel necessary to raise , she is my daughter after all and her stepmum I can't trust for full reasons not mentioned here. Of course he's perfectly able to care for her without my input. There's confusion on whether this is a medicine for a 12 year old or 16 year old, and I'd read the latter and been told by friends that it was very strong so hence my opinion

I only came on here for advice , not to be told I'm meddling , I should butt out etc ( I've only raised one issue here , as I said I rarely raise anything and approach in a way as to not rile their defenses ). I'm very happy if they were to approach me to discuss anything they had an issue with. Its unfair to be told I'm meddling because I have an issue with stepmum? I've accepted her and treat her with respect despite the past, but I don't get that back (name calling through my ex to me is unacceptable). I talk about her with my daughters and about their baby half sister in a positive way and have actually told my ex to thank her for all she does ! This medical thing was something that I thought right to raise in a non attacking way. I wasn't expecting to get personnally attacked here.

Thanks for everyones advice, I don't need any more input . It just shows how we are all different and that's cool.

The daughter is in the care of the father and his partner/wife

They have responsibility and he has parental responsibility to make decisions for the daughter during those times. No one is overstepping OPs boundaries because she is not carrying out the care of her child at that time, the father of the child is and has every right to make decisions that he sees fit and right.

You're right in that I think I used to because of the past. Me and exDH were living together whilst seperating and my friend lived in the house attached ( as in semi detached next door). They were openly dating when I was trying to move out and move the children. My kids were 6 and 9 and confused. Their stepmums last words to me (as I was discussing the consent order with my ex) were I'd made my exDH miserable for the last 23 years. We were married 18 years and together 23. Now if i occasionally over reacted in the past towards her caring for my daughters , I think I can be forgiven .

Now I've moved on from that as much as im able ,im in a great relationship for 2 years now,... living together etc , my girls really like my partner and his DD.

. Back in summer I raised exactly what you have just commented. I told my exDH that we all have unresolved issues causing this mistrust , and I'm happy to talk openly and calmly with them both so it helps to clear things . I've even thought of writing a letter to her. I am perfectly capable of being an adult and have been nothing but civil. I would never act in a way to cause both my girls undue stress. I don't get this same civil treatment back though , and she refuses to have any open dialogue with me or wants to be involved at all ( I can pass her in the street and she will blank me). I have to respect her wishes though, so I've pulled back from trying with her.. I've been offering the olive branch for almost 2 years with her despite my ex telling me what she thinks of me. I've thanked her through my exDH , I've had the girls when she had to have an emergency scan on their unborn baby , been the bigger person blah blah...honestly done with trying. She flat out refuses to look at me let alone say hello. She refuses to be at home when my DDs need dropping off or I need to collect anything without my ex being there, despite me never causing a problem . So.. I have to leave it now because it was draining my energy and getting me extremely down. Things would be so much better if she and I were on speaking terms , we don't need a relationship but do need to be civil for the girls . The girls are happy so I have to just accept that my exDH wife doesn't want this. Just makes things hard sometimes.

I'm talking about night nurse not Calpol , and we are talking for a bit of a sore throat. My DD was with me the day before and I kept her off school. ...she was fine with paracetamol and improved before she went to my exes the next day. You need to read the post before you call me overdramatic. Thanks

Wow.

Look to the BNF for a simple cold ? 😂. My DD didn't want the night nurse and told them !

No, you look at the BNF for information about medication and what contraindicatations/side effects/useage there is for the meds

I have one in the house, useful generally but Ive also used it to challenge my GP when necessary

But you asked if you were being OTT, you're told you are. You're now arguing

You clearly dont like this woman and keep bringing up information about what was happening when you split and they got together, who cares, its past history, its irrelevant and it has nothing to do with the query about night nurse

Under 16's cannot buy medicine. That doesn't mean they can't take it. You have confused the two.

I personally don't take these mixed medicines with multiple active ingredients so I do understand your concern, but as far as the guidance your ex is correct it is 12+

what is the medication similar to codeine in Night Nurse?

It's fine for age 12+

Dextromethorphan hydrobromide

@kl76 but thats only similar to thr cough suppressant properties of codeine isnt it? Not the Opiate, addiction, pain relief part?