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Original poster

Ex giving night nurse to my 13 year old

78 replies

kl76 · 28/01/2023 01:50

Hi I'm a newbie here and looking for some reassurance that I'm not going OTT with my ex hub and his new wife's care of my DD ( 13) when she has a cold 🙈. I just found out off DD they've been giving her Night nurse
She's had manageable sore throat and common cold symptoms which imo can easily be managed by rest , Calpol , or even odd paracetamol tablet now. Night nurse is a pretty strong cocktail of drugs plus alcohol , and clean knocks out my DPs dad 😂. Thing is his new wife is a pharmacy technician 🙄and consulted her bnf book which stated it was fine for over 12s ( unlike sale license of age 16). The night nurse leaflet is full of warmings so I don't care about bnf tbh! Imo it's a strong drug that's not necessary for her. Exes wife has basically advised him to give my DD this and I'm really not happy . His new wife doesn't have a good relationship with me so I can't raise my concern with her . She was a friend of mine and started a relationship with my ex when we were separating ( me and ex and kids were still all living together ) and she involved my kids and all sorts far too soon. Despite this, I'm happy to talk to her , have no problem with her and it's been 3 years now since ex and I divorced. We have all since moved on with our lives , but they live around the corner and she refuses to be civil - won't even say hello or answer the door to me or to anyone related or connected to me; and my ex tells me she thinks I'm a hypocrite and drama queen for reasons I am honestly oblivious to 🙄. I've raised the medicine issue with my ex hub and he's saying that his wife knows best because she's a pharmacy technician . She's certainly not qualified to diagnose or prescribe and I myself am more qualified in a professional medical capacity , so its abit annoying that my opinion as my DDs mother isn't taken into account. My DD is far too young to be having night nurse when there are easily loads of other medications she can safely have for a simple cold. I'm always reluctant to raise any concerns as they are both so unapproachable and get super defensive when I raise anything to do with my girls - saying I'm controlling and a drama queen. Believe me ...I rarely approach them , I only ever raise the odd thing that I believe I should be involved in about my girls care/ school etc . I communicate in a non attacking way and I pick my battles and let a lot go . Im not trying to control what goes on in their home here ( he will say I am ), I'm concerned about my Dad's welfare. I think this is a subject ok to raise with him. Do any of you lovely Mums agree or should I have left it?

OP posts:
JenniferBarkley · 28/01/2023 05:57

Personally, I wouldn't be mad on giving it to a 13 year old. I used to take the tablets but stopped after I was feeling really groggy and out of it the next day.

However, he is her parent and it's an over the counter medication suitable for her age - he's well within his rights to give it, and I doubt you'd appreciate him meddling in every similar decision.

Could you tackle it via DD? Explain to her that it's strong and really just for when she's feeling truly miserable?

MrsDoyle351 · 28/01/2023 06:03

I got some Night Nurse for my adult son when he was very ill with flu and hadn't slept for 30 hours. He went straight to sleep, and then vomited ++ on waking up.

He's said he never wants Night Nurse again, as that's what made him sick.

Obvs - probably didn't - but yes, it's surprisingly strong for some people.

For a 13 year old with a cold - it does seem like over the top. Whats wrong with 2 paracetemol and some Vicks vapo rub?

The new GF sounds a bit nuts OP.

NewtoHolland · 28/01/2023 06:09

As a one off I wouldn't be too concerned.
But I'd be looking to avoid conflict where possible for the wellbeing of my dd.
It's a tricky balance isn't it but I would try not to sweat the small stuff.

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TwoPointFourCatsAndDogs · 28/01/2023 06:09

I’d have no problem with it. More than happy for a pharmacist to advise on a child’s condition. Our local guy is brilliant.

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 28/01/2023 06:15

TwoPointFourCatsAndDogs · 28/01/2023 06:09

I’d have no problem with it. More than happy for a pharmacist to advise on a child’s condition. Our local guy is brilliant.

She's not a pharmacist though, she's a pharmacist technician.

I think it's probably not as bad as you think, but I wouldn't give it for a regular cold.

AccidentallyRunToWindsor · 28/01/2023 06:15

Very gently OP, you are over reacting and despite you saying you 'have no issue with this woman' at all, your post doesn't read that way.

You trust your ex as you state, DD is poorly and he has given her medicine that's allowed for her age group that hopefully, might mean she feels less rotten sooner- is this not a good thing?

Do you run every medicine you give her past him when she's with you?

Dillydollydingdong · 28/01/2023 06:15

Isn't Exhub entitled to an opinion? DD is his daughter too, she's not your sole property.

LemongrassLollipop · 28/01/2023 06:25

Never used night nurse but am aware that it's used by alcoholics. Thanks for pointing out what's in it, that's an eye opener and I wouldn't want my DD having that.
Speak to DD and explain what else she can try to feel better. Perhaps keep night nurse as a last resort

davegrohll · 28/01/2023 06:58

One off is fine, all the time not so much.
I took it in the day once before not realising it would basically render me unconscious 😆 couldn't get off the sofa !!

rainbowstardrops · 28/01/2023 07:28

My memories of Night Nurse are that it used to completely wipe me out, so it wouldn't occur to me to give it to a young child.
She's got a cold, not the flu! A couple of Paracetamol and some vapour rub on her pillow or whatever, should have been enough.
Could you not just tell your daughter not to accept it or wasn't she that fussed?

Uninterestedfamily · 28/01/2023 07:32

I've looked at the ingredients. It's not 18% alcohol.

It's Alcohol, 18%vv. Which is a strength of alcohol, similar to proof. Like if you buy a 10%proof wine, it doesn't mean that 10% of what's in the wine bottle is alcohol.

Hollyhead · 28/01/2023 07:42

I can understand your initial reaction, and I personally think night nurse is a bit much for a cold.

However it is unreasonable to think the leaflet is a better source of accuracy in making a decision than the BNF, and if you’re a health professional you should know that!

I agree it was a bit much but extremely unlikely to cause harm now or in the future, and at least she was cared for.

Hollyhead · 28/01/2023 07:43

@rainbowstardrops 13 is not a young child…

megletthesecond · 28/01/2023 07:48

I wouldn't give it to a young teen unless they were very ill. I take a quarter of the adult dose if I'm ill and it knocks me out.

AlmostOver22 · 28/01/2023 07:55

No I wouldn’t give a medicine that knocks you out to a child, but I also probably wouldn’t get involved with my ex’s choices unless there was a reason to do so eg DD was too sleepy to go to school the next day.

rainbowstardrops · 28/01/2023 08:01

Hollyhead · 28/01/2023 07:43

@rainbowstardrops 13 is not a young child…

In your opinion.
My opinion 13 is a young child when it comes to giving a medication such as Night Nurse which was totally unnecessary.

VanCleefArpels · 28/01/2023 08:01

The reality of shared parenting is that stuff will happen in the other household that you would not choose or prefer wouldn’t happen. Short of neglect or actual harm this is what you have to suck up

lunar1 · 28/01/2023 08:01

We wouldn't give it to our children, I'm a nurse, DH is a doctor.

WhoNeedsSleepNotISaidMyBody · 28/01/2023 08:04

@rainbowstardrops she's 13 YEARS, not months. Young child???

come on, seriously.

@kl76 I wouldn't give it to her under those circumstances and I wouldn't be happy that they did, but as long as it's a very rare event, I'd let it go. Pick your battles & all that.

I'm sorry for how your Ex husband & Ex friend behaved, that's really scummy & she's behaving like a proper twat now! Are your girls happy staying there? If they are I'd try to just let as much go if possible. If they're not then this DD (at least) is old enough to choose not to go. School stuff just depends what it is.

LyingDogsLie1 · 28/01/2023 08:07

tilestoclean · 28/01/2023 05:46

Give a 12 year old calpol? How ridiculous. You are overreacting because you're trying to find fault with this woman and it's clouding your judgement. The manufacturer says 12+ which will be erring on the side of caution. Get a grip!

Yes that was clear from the post. You want to criticise the SM and find issue in her judgment. This is such an over-dramatisation.

Smidge001 · 28/01/2023 08:08

Uninterestedfamily · 28/01/2023 07:32

I've looked at the ingredients. It's not 18% alcohol.

It's Alcohol, 18%vv. Which is a strength of alcohol, similar to proof. Like if you buy a 10%proof wine, it doesn't mean that 10% of what's in the wine bottle is alcohol.

This is a major distinction!

You are definitely being ott @kl76 . There is no way manufacturers of medication would say it was suitable for 12+ unless it was. There are so many regulations in that industry, they tend to be over cautious to protect themselves. (I realise you've already said you feel a lot better about it now you know it says 12+ rather than 16+).

I know you will struggle to trust your ex's new partner but the fact she researched and checked suggests to me she was trying her best to do the right thing, and is in fact a safe pair of hands.

DerangedViper · 28/01/2023 08:09

Pack insert information leaflet

www.medicines.org.uk/emc/product/354/smpc

Should not be given to u16s except under medical guidance. I don't know if a pharmacy tech's advice is sufficient

MissyB1 · 28/01/2023 08:11

This is not about inappropriate medication, it’s just different parenting styles. Night nurse is perfectly safe for a 13 year old when the instructions are followed correctly.
OP doesn’t agree with it but her ex does - just a difference of opinion. You will have to get used to that OP.

Mindymomo · 28/01/2023 08:13

Like most posters, I think Night Nurse would be my last resort. I think it’s changed from when I used to have it. It also depends whether the 13 year old is able to take it, ie if she’s nearly 14, small for her age etc., and I would want to know how she was the next day and that would be a concern if it knocked her out so she couldn’t function normally the next day.

trrk · 28/01/2023 08:23

I wouldn’t give it to a child either unless all else had failed but if they were following the instructions on the packet they were not in the wrong as such.

It’s not the alcohol I would worry about. The Promethazine in it is what makes you sleepy and can be brought separately as a sleeping pill and is quite powerful. The dose a doctor will prescribe for insomnia is only slightly more than you get from 2 tablets of Night Nurse. Since it can make most adults drowsy the next day I wouldn’t give it to a child and definitely not 2 tablets at a time (or equivalent dose of the liquid). Amazing stuff when you are feeling like crap though!

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