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Original poster

What is wrong with me?

26 replies

NaatQ968 · 27/01/2023 00:44

Hi all.

I have a three month old girl and she is the light of my life.

Although since having her I've had some strange thoughts about everyday life and certain situations. For example: partner was holding her and went to check on the dinner... I was frightened he was gonna drop her in the pot of boiling water or something (ridiculous I know)

But these kind of thoughts keep on coming.
Myself and my family are very close, always have been but my parents are divorced.

Now my little girl is getting older I want her to start having a couple hours here and there with family members without me, so she can interact with people other than me and her dad and also gives me a break.

So I want her to interact and know her family, I don't want them to feel like strangers... but at the same time, I'm frightened out of my mind..."if sister takes her upstairs, will she fall?" "If she won't stop crying what will they do"

I totally trust my family. But why do these thoughts come into my head.

It's driving me nuts and making me very upset and anxious. It's like I know it's rubbish but my mind won't stop producing them...

Has anyone had thoughts like these before since having children?

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minipie · 27/01/2023 00:47

Could be post natal anxiety perhaps? Obviously all new mothers worry about their baby’s safety but if it is getting out of hand and feels irrational then it might be turning into PNA. Have you spoken to anyone about it, your partner or family? Speaking to your GP might be a good idea (although sadly IME there’s a big variation on how helpful GPs are on this).

Aquamarine1029 · 27/01/2023 00:52

It's anxiety and it's manifesting itself with intrusive thoughts. This is very common and there are many ways to help yourself in dealing with them.

I highly recommend the DARE book about anxiety.

What is wrong with me?
Original poster
NaatQ968 · 27/01/2023 00:53

minipie · 27/01/2023 00:47

Could be post natal anxiety perhaps? Obviously all new mothers worry about their baby’s safety but if it is getting out of hand and feels irrational then it might be turning into PNA. Have you spoken to anyone about it, your partner or family? Speaking to your GP might be a good idea (although sadly IME there’s a big variation on how helpful GPs are on this).

I didn't know that was a thing...
anxiety is pretty high about certain things, I just put it down to being a new mother.

Family members have offered to take her for a few hours just to give me some rest, I want to say yes.... but it's like..

What if they don't settle her?

What If they try and don't do it right and it makes her worse and I'm not there to comfort her?

What if they hurt her? (Which I know they'd never do but the thought still comes in)

What if they don't buckle her in right in her car seat and there's a crash?

It's a fight with my mind and it's pretty upsetting...

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Original poster
NaatQ968 · 27/01/2023 00:54

Aquamarine1029 · 27/01/2023 00:52

It's anxiety and it's manifesting itself with intrusive thoughts. This is very common and there are many ways to help yourself in dealing with them.

I highly recommend the DARE book about anxiety.

Thank you!! I will definitely look at this xxx

OP posts:
StormSeason · 27/01/2023 00:59

Absolutely talk to someone!Asap!
You don't have to continue to feel this way and it's great that are actually recognizing it instead of just "living" with it.Although you want to be thriving right?!
Good luck to you and enjoy your precious baby❤️

Original poster
NaatQ968 · 27/01/2023 01:03

StormSeason · 27/01/2023 00:59

Absolutely talk to someone!Asap!
You don't have to continue to feel this way and it's great that are actually recognizing it instead of just "living" with it.Although you want to be thriving right?!
Good luck to you and enjoy your precious baby❤️

Thank you for your kind message! I want to be the best I can be, I'm constantly told I need to have a break, even my partner says so, he's hands on and he's great but I always insist, her crying breaks my heart and I just want to comfort her... the thought of her being upset and me not being there genuinely makes me feel sick with worry🥺🥺

OP posts:
afty · 27/01/2023 01:07

Hi OP!

Definitely talk to your GP if you can, it sounds like anxiety. I had terrible anxiety last year and was referred for CBT and given Sertraline.

Mine was very similar to yours - catastrophising and imaging the worst possible scenario eg. taking my DD on the London Underground and panicking in case someone pushed her as the train was coming along the platform, so many everyday scenarios became terrifying. Anxiety is exhausting, let alone with your little one being just a few months.
Do speak to someone, honestly it will get better 

Original poster
NaatQ968 · 27/01/2023 01:10

afty · 27/01/2023 01:07

Hi OP!

Definitely talk to your GP if you can, it sounds like anxiety. I had terrible anxiety last year and was referred for CBT and given Sertraline.

Mine was very similar to yours - catastrophising and imaging the worst possible scenario eg. taking my DD on the London Underground and panicking in case someone pushed her as the train was coming along the platform, so many everyday scenarios became terrifying. Anxiety is exhausting, let alone with your little one being just a few months.
Do speak to someone, honestly it will get better 

Thank you very much for your message!

I also think if I speak to my health visitor or GP then I worry they will take her away from me.... I KNOW THEY WONT... but why is my mind doing this?

It's so hard.

OP posts:
afty · 27/01/2023 01:13

Your mind makes you think that because anxiety makes you question everything.

But the fact you know they won't - and that you can see the differentiation between that and the anxiety - is fantastic. Flowers

Lavender14 · 27/01/2023 01:15

Oh I totally get this. I have a 2 month old and it has ruined car journeys for me, I get intrusive thoughts of what if another car comes into our lane and hits us, what if my husband didn't brake in time and there's an accident, what if a car left the road and hit me out walking with the pram or what if I fell unconscious and baby was left alone. Was talking to a friend about it recently because she also experienced it as a new mum and her explanation is that it's because your heart now lives outside of your body in this little person and you can't control that. Which i thought was lovely and summed it up pretty well. I do think the jump in anxiety is normal providing it isn't stopping you from going about your day to day life or is getting you down. Your job as a mum is to keep her safe so your brain is in overdrive looking for potential danger because you love her and are being a really attentive mummy. It's a sign of the wonderful bond you have with her. If you feel its getting out of hand I'd get a chat with your hv or gp, it shouldn't get to the point where its making life difficult.

Original poster
NaatQ968 · 27/01/2023 01:20

afty · 27/01/2023 01:13

Your mind makes you think that because anxiety makes you question everything.

But the fact you know they won't - and that you can see the differentiation between that and the anxiety - is fantastic. Flowers

I know they won't... but I can see it now, they will have her a few hours and I'll be at home an absolute mess waiting for the time that she comes home.

I know nothing will happen to her, no one will harm her.

I just wish I didn't feel this way xx

OP posts:
Justasec321 · 27/01/2023 01:22

The baby is three months old I think?

These intrusive thoughts are draining BUT can also indicate that while you might think you would like a break from the baby you are not ready!

I always found it very difficult in the first months to be separated from them. I am just built that way. One of my friends found it much easier - would hand the baby off and happily go out for a while.

I was only able to that with ease month six or seven.

Original poster
NaatQ968 · 27/01/2023 01:22

Lavender14 · 27/01/2023 01:15

Oh I totally get this. I have a 2 month old and it has ruined car journeys for me, I get intrusive thoughts of what if another car comes into our lane and hits us, what if my husband didn't brake in time and there's an accident, what if a car left the road and hit me out walking with the pram or what if I fell unconscious and baby was left alone. Was talking to a friend about it recently because she also experienced it as a new mum and her explanation is that it's because your heart now lives outside of your body in this little person and you can't control that. Which i thought was lovely and summed it up pretty well. I do think the jump in anxiety is normal providing it isn't stopping you from going about your day to day life or is getting you down. Your job as a mum is to keep her safe so your brain is in overdrive looking for potential danger because you love her and are being a really attentive mummy. It's a sign of the wonderful bond you have with her. If you feel its getting out of hand I'd get a chat with your hv or gp, it shouldn't get to the point where its making life difficult.

Yep I've had the exact same thoughts. I should be asleep now but I needed to write this, get it off my chest. I have such a supportive family and I just feel like I'm wasting precious time with my little girl and her family who love and adore her all because of these awful thoughts.

Are you still like this? Or has it died down a bit? Xx

OP posts:
Original poster
NaatQ968 · 27/01/2023 01:23

Justasec321 · 27/01/2023 01:22

The baby is three months old I think?

These intrusive thoughts are draining BUT can also indicate that while you might think you would like a break from the baby you are not ready!

I always found it very difficult in the first months to be separated from them. I am just built that way. One of my friends found it much easier - would hand the baby off and happily go out for a while.

I was only able to that with ease month six or seven.

Thank you for sharing this. It is difficult.

I just find it weird that it's always over the top thoughts that I have about leaving her...

OP posts:
Justasec321 · 27/01/2023 01:26

Also - the baby won't remember a thing from this time. Your family will not disappear, nor will the baby.

You are creating a pressure for yourself! Easily done when you have a lovely new baby. Slow down and give yourself permission to feel it out.

You may find the intrusive thoughts recede a bit if you ease off on yourself a little.

Justasec321 · 27/01/2023 01:29

I just find it weird that it's always over the top thoughts that I have about leaving her...

So in that case don't leave her yet. You are both new to this. You can concede. It is only for the next while. When you both have gained more confidence you can revisit the idea and see if these thoughts come back.

Work with yourself on this one.

Justasec321 · 27/01/2023 01:30

And GO TO SLEEP!

😁😜😀

LadyJ2023 · 27/01/2023 01:40

You sound exactly like you have post natal depression I had it with 2 of our 4. Ring the Dr's or health visitor in the morning and get it sorted , trust me if you don't it will get worse and worse out of control and make life a misery for those around you aswell..I learnt from my first lot of postnatal depression and because I quickly acted on second child it didn't get bad

Original poster
NaatQ968 · 27/01/2023 20:03

Update, woke up today thinking let's go visit family, had a great day.

My sister asked if she could see my little girl for a couple of hours and let me shower etc etc... less than an hour in, I get a phone call from my mum saying my little girl won't stop crying and my sister is in a state as she can't settle her. Worst fear has happened and now I don't want anyone else to have her in fear this will happen again.

She cried that much her legs went purple and her face was bright red, but she'd finally fallen asleep and is now currently napping on me.

I'm honestly feeling like shit, totally defeated and I don't know what to do

OP posts:
minipie · 27/01/2023 20:14

I’m sorry it went badly. Honestly, looking back, at 3 months I wouldn’t have been able to hand DC1 over to anyone except DH (and even him only for an hour). She’d been pretty much constantly on me for all her life at that point (velcro baby) only really knew me, and anyone else would have struggled to settle her. I don’t think this is unusual at this stage tbh.

I think being worried about her not settling well with others, is a separate thing from anxious thoughts about her coming to harm.

missally · 27/01/2023 20:25

Im so sorry you're feeling this way!

Intrusive thoughts can be so debilitating.

Have a read of this and please do ask for some support: graziadaily.co.uk/life/parenting/intrusive-thoughts-motherhood-advice/

Original poster
NaatQ968 · 27/01/2023 20:43

I understand she needs to see more people, it'll be healthy for her too. But I just have one massive feeling of dread 🥺

OP posts:
WeWillRockyou · 27/01/2023 20:52

I think the way you are feeling is pretty normal and not necessarily an indication of anxiety or post natal illness. Maybe start by letting family care for her whilst you are there, then move to being in the next room etc etc. Eventually family will be more confident caring for her and you will feel happier leaving her. No need to rush, she is still very young. She will develop healthy relationships without being left with them, you have plenty of time to build up to this.

Namechangethisonetime · 27/01/2023 22:34

Anxiety

See your GP

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