Playdates without me- what age?

[Whathappenedto]

Evening all!

DD is four and a half and in reception. We've so far only had playdates where I or DP will go with her to the other kid's house and have a cup of tea and a chat with the hosting parent and generally supervise etc etc etc.

At what age did you start to have another kid over without their parents, or let yours go to another house without you there?

I feel like DD still needs quite a lot of supervision in other people's houses and I worry she would not behave herself! It's a whole other story but we are experiencing a lot of behavioural issues since starting school and now there's a suspected SEN etc so I was wondering if I'm being more concerned about it than other parents of more 'normal' (ha!!) children.

She's been asked over to play after school at her friend's house, and the mum suggested she pick them up and I come and collect at dinner time. I worry the mum would think I was a bit of an oddball if I said that I should probably come too!

By school age I would expect to do as the other mum has suggested i.e. one parent picks them up from school and the other parent collects a couple of hours later.

However, if your DD has some additional needs and won't cope with that then you need to explain that to the other mum and go along with her.

In reception I tended to go along to the first playdate they had with a new friend and then, assuming it went well, let them go on their own after that. But if someone told me they felt they should still come over with their child for extra support or said they didn’t feel their child was ready I’d be fine with that. You could try going over the second time and staying half an hour or so to see if things are going well and then leave. Just to get them used to the idea of being in their friend’s house without you. But up to you. You know your child best.

Thank you both, it's really helpful! I'll talk to DD and see how she feels about it too. I think @Himawarigirl I'd be the same if another parent said they wanted to come, so I shouldn't worry about it.

Due to Covid ds was 7. Perfect ime.
Sleepovers are secondary school age here though!

I went on play dates from Year 1 onwards. One of our mums would pick us up, we’d play at one of our houses, have dinner and then go home. Sleepovers started around the age of 7 (our mums would be friendly and know each other). Most girls would have sleepovers but there was 1 or 2 with strict parents. I’m in my 20s.

I stopped going along at reception age. DD also had behaviour/SN issues and I was often incredibly nervous about sending her to others without me being there. However, in case it helps you, I think she mostly behaved much better when I was not there - according to what friends have since told me anyway. I think I represented “home” and so when I was around she stopped masking/being on best behaviour and let it all hang out 🙈.

About 6 or 7, though she didn't really have play dates before that due to Covid. However there are only two friends she has play dates with and both mum's know about her SEN. Oddly she normally behaves better at play dates than at home/school.

Thank you for your responses! Yes I have definitely experienced her behaving loads better with other parents if she kind of forgets that I am there - these days I try and hang back during playdates. One issue comes when it's time to leave, she clocks that I am there, and though she gets plenty of warning there's very often a tantrum or a fight- it's so stressful, embarrassing and unpleasant for all involved!

Looking at these responses it seems like reception/year 1 is kind of the norm so I might give it a go for a short playdate on her own, very close by, as the other mum is willing and I've made her aware of some of DD's issues.

Thanks all!