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Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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Original poster

Baby four week old and I really don't think motherhood is for me .

83 replies

Lollyathome111 · 25/01/2023 13:45

Don't even know where to start and I've tried to talk to my own mum&boyfriend but they just don't get it.
I love my son but I just wish I didn't have to look after him I hate doing nappies , I suck at winding him , he twines all the time when he's with me , I struggle at doing the getting up with him through the night like I know and want to be so grateful to have him but I feel like he doesn't even like me, like the baby knows I'm shit.
What makes it worse is my other half is back at work next week so I'll have nobody to take over when it gets to much or just nobody to help /be there , I knew it would be hard but I really didn't think it would be like this . My parents / his help and they go on about how good he is , how he always sleeps but honestly he doesn't for me he's up every 2hours that's if he actually sleeps usually just lies down making noises spitting his dummy in and out ,then its time to get up again for next bottle 😴 when it gets to overwhelming our parents they do offer to have him but I really don't think it helps as it's another day of me not getting to grips with it all . It just takes him away it doesn't actually help me . I just feel moody , tired and just no patience at all . I don't have any friends , I just hate me as a person . I thought by now I'd get the hang of stuff but I haven't - I just feel useless .I actually think bf and my son would be better off without me as I think the baby senses I'm sad and I feel like I'm draining life out of bf which isn't fair like my mood is rubbing off on everyone I just don't know what I can do . I actually hate feeling like I'm one big whinge

OP posts:

FeltedDogs · 29/04/2023 06:23

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 25/01/2023 13:52

First step is to go a little easier on yourself here. For all he is yours, your baby is still pretty much a stranger. Whilst many women seem to be 100% bonded and in love from birth or before, many many women are not. It's totally fine to take time to find your feet with each other.

On top of that, your body is adjusting from the pregnancy and birth, your mind is adjusting to new responsibilities, and you've basically been handed (whilst recovering) a temperamental expensive and complicated machine that didn't come with any instructions.

Similarly, your baby will know very little about what he wants or needs. Go back to basics - lots of feeds, lots of cuddles, and being 100% gentle on yourself. If you and baby spend all day when your dh is back at work just hanging out and cuddling with whatever you like on TV, and nobody makes it out of their pjs, that's fine.

If, over the next few weeks, you still find yourself feeling sad, why not have a chat with the GP? Pregnancy and labour can dump a whole vat of new hormones onto use that can be incredibly overwhelming, and chatting these over with the GP can help. They may even think it worth you taking some meds to help lift you out of the sadness. That's for a few more weeks down the line.

For now, I'd just soften how you think about yourself as a mother, spend lots of time closely with the baby and remind yourself that you are both still getting to know each other.

Listen to this person, absolutely sums it up. What a lovely, kind supportive post. We need more posters like this

Alainlechat · 29/04/2023 06:55

That's lovely to read OP. I too remember the early weeks being a full on slog and wondering if it would get better.

My best friend explained this was the hard part because "you are getting nothing back". She meant no smiles and interaction so it was sort of a one way relationship.

I remember feeling so much better when the smiles came along.

PotKettel · 29/04/2023 07:11

You have had lots of good advice, I remember these feelings.. I wish I could go back in time and give myself a hug and tell myself how fantastic it is having kids (once they are no longer needy babies making life a living hell!)

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JeanieJo · 29/04/2023 10:56

Lovely update OP - especially the part that you had actually forgotten how you felt! Wonderful how things turn around.

LauraSaidIShouldBeNicer · 29/04/2023 11:01

Love this update!! Babies are hard work and we're all new to it with our first one it certainly takes some adjustment.

Bbq1 · 29/04/2023 11:10

Skinnermarink · 25/01/2023 13:53

Having a little baby isn’t ‘really shit’!! It’s hard and exhausting and at times you can feel like you’ll never do it ‘right’ but I hate it when people say oh it’s just shit.

OP I think you might need to reach out for some mental health support. It doesn’t mean you’re rubbish at all or doing anything wrong. And other people taking the baby (you are lucky to have that so utilise it) it IS helping you if you can use it to sleep, as if you’re not so exhausted you’ll be in a better state mentally.

Hate this response too about it being shit. It's not. A lot of mothers come across as if they didn't choose to have a baby, it just happened to them. Who knew babies cry, need nappies changing etc... I loved all ages and stages and the newborn stage equally. It's OK to admit you find motherhood difficult but admit that you loved it then you are either flamed or accused of thinking you're perfect. It's rare that anyone posts about how amazing it is that they've just had a new baby.

This doesn't mean that I don't have sympathy for Op and other struggling women. She needs help from her gp and some support from family. I hope she gets that and feels stronger soon and stops being so hard on herself.
Telling her how shit and difficult it is though really isn't going to help.

Bbq1 · 29/04/2023 11:42

Lollyathome111 · 28/04/2023 23:19

Can I just say , I totally forgot I wrote this and really can't believe I ever did . He's 4 month old now and I couldn't imagine life without him , I love him so much . Wow , l I really forgot about this. I wish I could go back and tell myself while I was feeling like this that it was gonna be okay 🩷

Aw, that's great Op. I didn't realise it was an old thread when I posted with an update. That's a fantastic update - see it really isn't "shit"?! You sound like a lovely mum

MyUsernameIsBetterThanYours · 29/04/2023 13:39

Ahh such a lovely update.

I felt my first genuine rush of love for mine at about 4 months too. It really makes a difference. And from now on is when they will really start to develop into more of a little person - smiles, laughs, interacting with you and the world.

I found the early days such a shock to the system, and honestly I still find it hard, I don't think I'm a natural mum. I struggle with the constant demands on me (and now balancing work and home). But I can honestly say I love my little toddler - in between the emotional temper tantrums he's just a sunny, delightful, funny, energetic and loving little boy, and it's a real privilege getting to know him and having him in my life. And I don't think I can take any credit for who he is, he just came out that way!

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