Baby four week old and I really don't think motherhood is for me .

[Lollyathome111]

Don't even know where to start and I've tried to talk to my own mum&boyfriend but they just don't get it.
I love my son but I just wish I didn't have to look after him I hate doing nappies , I suck at winding him , he twines all the time when he's with me , I struggle at doing the getting up with him through the night like I know and want to be so grateful to have him but I feel like he doesn't even like me, like the baby knows I'm shit.
What makes it worse is my other half is back at work next week so I'll have nobody to take over when it gets to much or just nobody to help /be there , I knew it would be hard but I really didn't think it would be like this . My parents / his help and they go on about how good he is , how he always sleeps but honestly he doesn't for me he's up every 2hours that's if he actually sleeps usually just lies down making noises spitting his dummy in and out ,then its time to get up again for next bottle 😴 when it gets to overwhelming our parents they do offer to have him but I really don't think it helps as it's another day of me not getting to grips with it all . It just takes him away it doesn't actually help me . I just feel moody , tired and just no patience at all . I don't have any friends , I just hate me as a person . I thought by now I'd get the hang of stuff but I haven't - I just feel useless .I actually think bf and my son would be better off without me as I think the baby senses I'm sad and I feel like I'm draining life out of bf which isn't fair like my mood is rubbing off on everyone I just don't know what I can do . I actually hate feeling like I'm one big whinge

Yeah. It’s shit. I hated it. Was not a natural in any shape or form but managed to just about pull it together (with a good few breakdowns).

She’s nearly 4 now and hilarious. I love her so intensely I could cry looking at her.

I could not go through it again, however. I’m always a bit shocked when people say they’re have a second, third, fourth etc 🤣🤣🤣.

I don't know anyone who didn't find the early days really shit. I asked a good friend why on earth she didn't tell me how difficult it was and she replied that I wouldn't have believed her even if she'd told me!

It does get better OP, it's really early days, feet up on the sofa feeding and watching Netflix is the way forward. 💐

Amazing advice given on this thread so just wanted to chime in to say you will get through this and everything will be okay OP.

Thanks everyone feel abit less like a monster 🙈

It's just hit me today probably the all just built up as I've been "practicing" more nights for when he goes back ( hasn't gone great) and before my other half went to the shop & I realised ds needed changed as his pee had escaped ( a regular occurance ) 🙃 so thought I'd give him a quick " top to toe " which my mum said he loved , not with me he didn't . Then I put new outfit on he was sick so put another one spat up again then again on the next one,Fourth time lucky.
When I re read it I feel so stupid I got so worked up over it .
Just in my head I thought at 4weeks id be doing stuff like a pro ,adapted to broken sleep,got in some routine of wake -get us both ready- he'd nap,I'd do the house stuff then go for walks ect 😐 but that's just not the case,like I do probably need to just chill out&enjoy him and take stuff as it comes then worry about tomorrow or how tired I'm gonna be by next week if stuff carries on as that is what I do 🫣 it will be something I need to work on x

It was for me.

Big hugs OP.

I agree with PP who say it’s hard. I remember 3 weeks after my son was born, sitting with DH and we just looked at each other and said “what on earth have we done”. It’s really really hard, your baby is a stranger, people say “you know your baby better than anyone” and I’d be like “f*ing great, I don’t know him at all, I must be sh**, poor kid with me for a mother”

Look after yourself. You’re doing a great job.

It's not you. It's just ridiculously hardcore caring for such a tiny baby. One day at a time, one step in front of the other. You will come out the other side of this - it gets easier.

Like PP I was utterly shit at babies and hated it. Turns out I am great with every age past then so far!

I also had some MH symptoms whether from PDN or sleep deprivation so watch for that. And accept the help. I didn't have any family nearby and would have killed for some time.

I promise it will get better. And worse and better and worse and better! That's kids for you.

Huge enormous hugs OP

It is fucking hard! I didn't feel a rush of love when either of mine were born. Protective of them, but not rushes of love. I couldn't love them more now at 1 and 3.

And I hated motherhood until at least 4 months. Just because I didn't enjoy it, didn't mean I didn't do it AND was good at it. It just wasn't for me!

It will come Op so please just breath and try not to get worked up about it all. Do all the shortcuts that allow you to survive

I found it very shit to be in sole charge of a newborn OP. It was boring and relentless and thankless. There was no rush of love and the only thing that kept me going was I knew I was responsible for her existence so therefore was going to look after her. I faked it until eventually one day it became real. It probably took until she was 12 weeks or so, by which time there was so much less screaming, she smiled and slept better and we both knew what we were doing a bit more.

Go gently on yourself. You are tired, you gave birth only a few weeks ago which can be a huge physical shock, your hormones will be going nuts and your life has changed in so many ways. It's a lot!

Oh, and you do not need to get yours changed every time they spit up unless you really want to. It won't kill them to be a bit damp (obvs wrap them up if you go anywhere cold). Or they could wear a bib and you could just change that. Less laundry and less faff.

Just here to reiterate all the pps - I felt the exact same! I could’ve written your post at 4 weeks post partum. I cried all the time. I dreaded the evenings and night times. I constantly asked myself and my husband what we’d done and how we could undo it! She’s almost 4 months now and things are a million times better. Gradually your baby will sleep for longer stretches, smile, and you will learn about each other. Things will get easier. Take lots of help, try and get outside every day, ignore housework and take one day at a time. You can do this.

Only 0.0005% of people actually enjoy the new born stage. I think it takes a few months to start to get to grips with it.

Lots of great advice here. Don't put pressure on yourself. I found once my husband went back to work, I was able to get myself into a routine that suited me.
I had days were I planned nothing, days where I just walked for hours with the pram and days where I set myself little jobs, shopping. Even just shopping for a nice lunch. Decide what you need, company? Sleep? Alone time and work towards that.

I have been there OP and I want you to know that you are doing a fantastic job. You are keeping your little boy fed and safe and warm. You love him, and he will sense that.

I felt exactly like you when my son was 4 weeks old. I used to lie in bed next to him with my eyes tightly closed trying to literally rewind time to get my old life back. I actually felt that there was a greater chance of me successfully time travelling using the powers of my mind than of me being a good mum. I used to wake up and count down the hours until I could sleep again, in 15 minute blocks. I loved him in a sort of abstract way, but I didn't get him and always felt overwhelmed, like he deserved so much better than me as his mum. Also, sleep deprivation is a bastard.

For me things really turned a corner at 8 weeks. I felt much more confident, and I felt like I knew DS much better, that we understood each other and that I could be a good mum to him. But for me at least were still tough until 6 months, and got progressively easier. At around 18 months thinsg really fell into place and now, 2 years on, I genuienly love every single minute I spend with him. We are a team and we love each other.

Things that helped me, in case they also help you:

DP going back to work. Once I was by myself weirdly I felt like the pressure was off, like it was just me and son fending for ourselves as best we could, and it helped me bond with him. No judgement, no one to see my attempts, just me and son doing our own thing.
Going to baby group and meeting up with other mums. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely did not want to do this, in fact, I stood outside of the first one and openly sobbed. But it gave me something to do and the mundane chit chat made me realise that I wasn't alone, that other people were also struggling and most importantly it made me realise that I actually did have lots of positive things to say about my son. I also made lifelong friends at those places.
Making time and effort to do things that I loved with DS. Taking DS for walks in placed I liked, going to my favourite bookshop, going out to a cafe and ordering whatever I liked. Slowly doing more and more things that I wanted to do helped me gain back control of my life and see how I could still enjoy it, which made me a better mum.

It was really shit for me, both times

It absolutely is shit for some people and any woman can choose whatever words she wants to choose to describe how SHE finds something.

Next you'll be telling her to be careful as she'll look back and regret not actively enjoying these days.

I could have written this myself 😭 especially the time traveling!

Also, agree actually gets easier when the spouse goes to work. You get in to your own rhythm.

Having a little baby isn’t ‘really shit’!! It’s hard and exhausting and at times you can feel like you’ll never do it ‘right’ but I hate it when people say oh it’s just shit.

Women can describe their own experience any way they like. It was shit for me. Once she starting crawling it was more fun, after 2 was even better. But yes, newborn was shit. Painful, depressing, lonely and shit. It doesn't mean I don't love DD. She is the most brilliant person in the world bar none.

It can be massively shit! The first 6 weeks especially when you’ve got a non-sleeper.

You will get your confidence as you go along. Don’t be too hard on yourself.

Definitely worth exploring whether you have pnd

But also-i found the baby period incredibly hard but have loved every other age of parenting, even the toddler years and the dreaded teens. So don't write yourself off so soon!

@Skinnermarink OP can say it's shit if she wants to ffs.

OP I understand. Like other posters have said, it will get better.

My kids are 35, 30 and 24…motherhoods not for me either😂

I can relate to this so much, you definitely aren't alone.

Mine is 7 weeks and things do feel a bit better now. He's just started smiling which always cheers me up even on a bad day, it's nice to get something back.

If you have willing family members to help, let them help. Especially when your boyfriend goes back to work. You don't have to do this alone and it's nice for baby to bond with family members too. Mine had his first sleepover last weekend and it was so nice getting a full night to recharge and refresh.

It will get better. I agree that this stage so far is mostly shit, it's exhausting and mind numbingly dull.

You can do this.

The first months can be terribly hard.
But as time passes, it'll just get easier and more fun as your baby starts to sit up, laugh, reach for toys, eventually crawl, say mama. It's just hard to keep going now, I know, but try to take each day at a time without assuming tomorrow will be as hard as it is today. It'll take time, but things really will get better.

Most people don't enjoy this bit op, it's exhausting and relentless but it does pass. U always tell new Mum's they in 6 months things will look so different. Your baby will be able to smile, giggle, gurgle, grab things, maybe even sit up unaided, they will sleep more, be starting solids and generally will offer a lot more reward for all the effort. Hang in there!