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Original poster

Sometimes I regret my child.

54 replies

LolaFerrari · 19/01/2023 19:58

Got a fairly young child. Single parent. Ex does shifts and picks and chooses childcare. Currently he can't give me many weekends. I work full time and do 80 PC of care. Its such hard work. I just don't enjoy it and sometimes I wouldn't have had a child if I'd known it was going to be like this. I feel soguilty but I won't be having anymore kids because I feel this way.

OP posts:
Original poster
LolaFerrari · 19/01/2023 20:23

Anyone?

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iknowwheretheothersockgoes · 19/01/2023 20:26

When you say "like this" what do you mean? That it's harder work being a parent than you imagined or because you are a single parent. I think it's absolutely fine not to have more children. There's no reason to have another if you are already feeling overwhelmed by your first.

SpinningFloppa · 19/01/2023 20:28

I feel the same but my ex isn’t in contact at all and I have more than one child. No I wouldn’t have had children if I knew I was going to be a single parent.

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inkworks273 · 19/01/2023 20:28

It must be so hard doing it on your own. Just remember that they don't stay so little forever. It will get easier as they get older and you'll get some more time for yourself.

LaLuz7 · 19/01/2023 20:29

Your feelings are valid. Many many people regret their kids. But it’s taboo and would never admit it. You're not alone.

Itsoktonotbeok · 19/01/2023 20:40

I’m right there with you Mama, cheers to that lol 🍷
I don’t regret my child per se, but I regret the decisions I made and circumstances that led to him. I wish I had chosen a better partner.

Original poster
LolaFerrari · 19/01/2023 20:44

My ex plays games. He gives me his work shifts a week beforehand so I can never plan anything. I just find having a kid boring I know that sounds awful but I'm bored to tears most of the time.

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Original poster
LolaFerrari · 19/01/2023 20:46

I feel like society lied to me. I had no experience with kids. I didn't know what it would be like. My parents wanted grandchildren and were a bit pushy about it.

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RandomMess · 19/01/2023 20:50

Can you afford babysitters? Or swap having sleep overs with other parents?

Once him trying to control you doesn't stop you going out then he may not bother as much.

How far in advance does he get his shifts? If you take it court it can be stipulated that he gives you x weeks notice of his availability and so on. He can't just pick and choose and expect to have whatever he wants.

iknowwheretheothersockgoes · 19/01/2023 20:52

How old is your DC? I'm a single parent and I've found it easier as my DC has got older.

Original poster
LolaFerrari · 19/01/2023 20:52

RandomMess · 19/01/2023 20:50

Can you afford babysitters? Or swap having sleep overs with other parents?

Once him trying to control you doesn't stop you going out then he may not bother as much.

How far in advance does he get his shifts? If you take it court it can be stipulated that he gives you x weeks notice of his availability and so on. He can't just pick and choose and expect to have whatever he wants.

He has them weeks but won't give them to me for control.

OP posts:
Original poster
LolaFerrari · 19/01/2023 20:53

iknowwheretheothersockgoes · 19/01/2023 20:52

How old is your DC? I'm a single parent and I've found it easier as my DC has got older.

  1. Just started school. I've tried all sorts of activities and I just cannot wait for the day to be over.
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UWhatNow · 19/01/2023 20:54

Your feelings are ‘valid’ in that you are being honest, but your child didn’t ask to be born. You’ve made a poor life decision but I’m afraid part of being an adult is that you must bear the consequences of that (by being ‘bored’) and make sure your child does not suffer for it.

Get out and about with your child, try to make friends with other mothers and let your parents babysit now and again to get some respite. They wanted a grandchild, now is your chance to take advantage of that.

Original poster
LolaFerrari · 19/01/2023 20:55

UWhatNow · 19/01/2023 20:54

Your feelings are ‘valid’ in that you are being honest, but your child didn’t ask to be born. You’ve made a poor life decision but I’m afraid part of being an adult is that you must bear the consequences of that (by being ‘bored’) and make sure your child does not suffer for it.

Get out and about with your child, try to make friends with other mothers and let your parents babysit now and again to get some respite. They wanted a grandchild, now is your chance to take advantage of that.

Believe me I own it. I own making a mistake marrying an abuser. I own everything.

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Original poster
LolaFerrari · 19/01/2023 20:56

UWhatNow · 19/01/2023 20:54

Your feelings are ‘valid’ in that you are being honest, but your child didn’t ask to be born. You’ve made a poor life decision but I’m afraid part of being an adult is that you must bear the consequences of that (by being ‘bored’) and make sure your child does not suffer for it.

Get out and about with your child, try to make friends with other mothers and let your parents babysit now and again to get some respite. They wanted a grandchild, now is your chance to take advantage of that.

My child doesn't suffer. He's taken alsorts of places and sees friends regularly. He's luckier than a hell of a lot of other kids. He's loved

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RandomMess · 19/01/2023 20:56

When he asks for contact just say no that you have plans you need more notice.

Stop letting him control you.

kitcat15 · 19/01/2023 20:59

LolaFerrari · 19/01/2023 20:46

I feel like society lied to me. I had no experience with kids. I didn't know what it would be like. My parents wanted grandchildren and were a bit pushy about it.

You’re a grown up….your parents didn’t make you have a baby 🙄

Original poster
LolaFerrari · 19/01/2023 20:59

kitcat15 · 19/01/2023 20:59

You’re a grown up….your parents didn’t make you have a baby 🙄

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Of course they didn't. I was talking about society pressure and that does include family. It happens a lot to women. I thought that was common knowledge.

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UWhatNow · 19/01/2023 21:00

LolaFerrari · 19/01/2023 20:56

My child doesn't suffer. He's taken alsorts of places and sees friends regularly. He's luckier than a hell of a lot of other kids. He's loved

Show quote history

That’s great then. You’re a good mum. Mothering young children is boring AF but self sacrifice is what we do for our kids. It won’t last forever…

Original poster
LolaFerrari · 19/01/2023 21:01

OK thanks all for your input

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RaiseTheStakesAndMakeTheLastWordDuckhead · 19/01/2023 21:01

You should absolutely take that twat to court for scheduled visitation. Does he pay CM?

DeeplyMovingExperience · 19/01/2023 21:02

It's awful, isn't it? The "motherhood penalty" is real, and it's massive. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone.

Society needs to stop lying to women about what the reality of motherhood means.

RaiseTheStakesAndMakeTheLastWordDuckhead · 19/01/2023 21:02

And it is ABSOLUTELY FINE to vent feelings about finding parenting boring/hard work. Never, ever feel guilty about feeling that way.

Original poster
LolaFerrari · 19/01/2023 21:03

Yes he pays cm. I've approached a mediator firstly.

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Atethehalloweenchocs · 19/01/2023 21:03

I think you are really brave to be able to say this, too many people wont even admit it to themselves. You clearly are trying to be a good mum, and make sure your child doesnt suffer. It is hard and boring being a parent at times - most of the time during certain periods. Hugs to you.