6yo DD wants to be a boy

[thefatpotato]

She's recently asked for a v short haircut, which we've gone ahead with. She has now said she won't wear dresses when school starts back as she 'wants to look like a boy'.

I've always been quite laid back about clothes being clothes, and I've always skewed away from things being 'girly' and 'for boys', but this has really thrown me for a loop. I have suspected for a while there is some neurodivergence going on so we will be seeking support with that.

I'm just flummoxed to be honest. She's a beautiful kid whose doing really well at school, and I want to support her her with style choices, but my brain is really rebelling against her saying she wants to look like a boy. Does anyone have any advice/has been through similar?

All the clothes are for all the children.
All the colours are for all the children.
You can wear what you want.
You can do whatever you want.

These are the mantras in our house. People non conforming to gender stereotypes are noted and celebrated. Joe Lycett with his fun nail varnish, her female cousin who hasn't worn a dress since age 4.

Everyone can be who they want to be.

These are the values I'm trying to instill so we (hopefully) don't get the I don't want to be a girl thing.

Nothing wrong with being a tomboy, I was as a child

Me too! Trotted and galloped about neighing. One of my (now adult) DC wanted to be a train. These things pass. Sadly people are falling for it.

Kids want to express themselves and sometimes that's through their looks. If your child wants to wear certain clothing and have their hair done a certain way then I don't personally think there's an issue. If she ever goes further to identify as a boy, cross that path when you come to it. My niece's classmate has been coming out gradually as trans since 9, he's now 14 and has socially transitioned. But that's not always the case, sometimes it's just clothes.

maybe try getting her a diagnosis of gender dysphoria?

My youngest DD is also 6, and shes as tomboyish as they come. She hates dresses and anything pink, loves star wars and cars and gross stuff and playfighting with her brother, and all her friends at school are boys. She likes to dress in boys clothes and recently she had her hair cut short. People have come up to her and mistaken her for a boy before, but she says "im not a boy, im a tomboy!".

Very likely she'll grow up to be a butch lesbian which i have no objections to at all, as long as she's happy. But I do worry for her future because i dont want her to be groomed into thinking she was meant to be a man

Its so hard, but you need to tell your daughter "you are not a boy. you are a girl you silly sausage." and if she continues, ask her "why do you think you need to be a boy?"

fuck off

Could have written this myself 10 years ago and that’s exactly how I imagined my DD would be.

she’s now in 6th form loves fashion, is obsessed with false eyelashes, has a good mix of male and female friends, plays football and is in a band and is bisexual but more keen on the boy side

you just never know. I wasn’t and am not bothered either way but I feel incredibly strongly you just let them ride the wave and do what makes them happy but never ever suggest to them that they’re anything other than a girl who likes what she likes.

to the person suggesting gender dysmorphia diagnosis. Just NO, 6 year olds are children they are not trans they just like what they like it means nothing other than they might not follow the crowd

Why have you replied on a nearly year old thread?

I noticed this is an old thread.
I think this is more about not wanting to follow girly stereotypes and being able to spot this from an early age. Nothing to do with feeling like you should be actually male. This is from my own experience when I was young. I am straight, married with three kids. And I am still not girly but sporty and value my own independence etc. Nothing to worry about!

I was like this when younger and I think what would have helped is 1) letting me dress how I wanted but also 2) finding female role models who were also like me , so I could see I was definitely a girl, just a different "type" to the really femme ones I saw around me

I was the same at that age, and most of my childhood really. My parents just went with the flow, but there was not really any talk of genders etc I was just me. I grew up knowing I didn’t have to conform to be me. I could be a girl and enjoy what I wanted.
I was born female and still identify that way. I love dresses and I love being a mother.

I also love plain sports clothes, extreme sports and action movies!

This is interesting. I shortened my post thinking the thread was dead.
I do think it's important for kids to follow what they like and not stereotypes!
I still remember looking at boys when young and feeling jealous of their toys, so much more interesting than my toys! And loved "action" games too. Cops and robbers. Play with a ball etc. They were allowed more freedom and definitely looked more fun!

Very much off topic but my DD has sensory issues and these were brill as school trousers if she is allowed black. They have fleece lining so nice and warm and pockets at the back so look like trousers but are really more like leggings.
https://www2.hm.com/en_gb/productpage.1193336001.html

Some primary schools are reading books to the kids about how boys can become girls and vice versa. Some children are being told you can be a boy trapped in a girl’s body. She’s heard something from somewhere that makes her believe she can become a boy.

She’s old enough to be taught the science. Teach her about female biology and how she is different to boys on a DNA level and always will be. Read her the book “My body is me.” Teach her about the trans movement and the fact that many people have been left with painful wounds and infertility for life because they tried to achieve the impossible and change sex.

If she’s getting brainwashed by someone at school, consider whether you’re happy for her to continue at that school.

Explore with her what she thinks a boy is. Is this about her disliking uncomfy patent shoes? Get her some better shoes that are like boys wear (but don’t let her see you if you buy them from the boys section). Is this about her school uniform being uncomfy? See what can be changed. Etc.