panicking i’ve hurt newborn

[choccyantelope]

baby is 4 days old. we’ve been doing shifts over the night, one sleep one hold her (she won’t be put down to sleep yet). been fine except it was my turn to stay awake holding her and i’ve just woke up to dh gasping and id fallen asleep and her head was bent back and she was still in my arms but loosely.

no idea how long it was for. could i have hurt her? how can i check?

I'm assuming she's ok now? As in moving / her neck moving/ is she awake?

Is she behaving normally? Breathing okay? If you have concerns, you can seek medical attention. But if she is behaving and acting normally I would feel reassured.

Where were you when you fell asleep - bed or chair? Definitely worth looking at safe sleeping / safe co sleeping and Lullaby Trust advice just in case you fall asleep again, to make sure it’s in the safest place.

be kind to yourself, sleep deprivation is brutal and you sound like a very loving mum. Merry Christmas 🎄 xx

She is OK. Relax.

DP & I took our PFB to the A&E cos she was 'floppy'. She was just sleeping!

Im sure she will be fine. A hard lesson to learn but the idea of holding her in shifts isn't practical unfortunately. Have you got a next to me crib?

I'm sure she's fine, they're not as fragile as they look. But you must both be exhausted, is one of you holding her 24/7? Please put her down. Congratulations and merry Christmas.

Swaddle the baby and put her down to sleep. You can't do shifts for days - it is dangerous

she’s back asleep but definitely alert as she did the newborn startle when dh got up and made a noise. seems fine otherwise. just upset at myself we were doing so well with keeping her safe and out of the bed overnight and i screwed it up 4 days in ☹️

she won’t - tried swaddling, tried white noise, tried patting her when she wakes etc etc all the things that worked with my first but the second she realises she’s in the cot she wakes up crying and rooting for a feed straight away

yes and she hates it, i can’t seem to convince her to feed laying beside me and then slipping away. she seems to know straight away 😅

Would you co-sleep OP? I did with mine, following all safe sleep advice. Honestly this is far safer than the idea you currently have of sleeping in shifts and holding her

Cosleeping saved my sanity / sleep/ happiness. It is so much safer than being that tired. Hope you’re okay OP, your baby will be fine but you need some rest!

Hi @choccyantelope yes try cosleeping, my bubba would not go in the cot too, i bought foam bed dividers from Amazon.

Congratulations on your new baby OP. I had one who wouldn't be put down either. (Now a teenager and sleeps in when given the opportunity 😁). Like a PP co-sleeping helped us too. There is good, researched info about it here if it is something that you want to consider. www.basisonline.org.uk/

We tried shifts for 2 weeks as mine also would not be put down. We decided it was safer to cosleep than what we were doing.

Never looked back!

Sitting up in shifts is more dangerous than following the safe cosleeping guidelines because ultimately a tired parent will end up doing what you did last night safe which is usafe sleeping.

Read up on safe cosleeping. If you look up the UNICEF bedsharing info for professional it gives you the stats for UK SIDS death and you see that most are due to unsafe practices not safe bedsharing.

Hi op, in the past couple of years the Lullaby Trust, WHO etc have changed their guidance from ‘never cosleep’ to ‘if you need to cosleep here’s how to do it safely’. That’s because science and studies have moved on and proven that it’s not dangerous when done safely.

https//www.lullabytrust.org.uk/safer-sleep-advice/co-sleeping/

this may have changed since you had your first, so worth reading up and giving it a try as it would be safer than holding her in a chair and sleeping.
you both must be very tired and are clearly doing the absolute best for your baby and to meet her needs, remember to look after yourselves too and get some rest

Don't beat yourself up about it. You gave birth 4 days ago - your husband didn't. You're obviously exhausted. I fell asleep holding my newborn a few times when I shouldn't have. It's really hard, but you're doing a great job. Relax and have a lovely Christmas with your little one

I would definitely try cosleeping though! I'm a single mum so much easier for me to cosleep but I think it'll be easier than what you're doing now x

I also did this with our newborn and she was fine! Honestly, babies are far more robust then people think. If she was in any pain trust me she would let you know!

what I found worked better for me was to buy one of those semi circle nursing pillows from Asda (£15 I think), get comfy with my feet up on the sofa, pop it on my lap, place her on it then rock my legs gently from side to side with my hand on her tummy. That way if I fell asleep I wasn’t going anywhere, and she was still close & touching me so would sleep. Putting a used T-shirt under your DC will help them stay comforted aswell.

don’t worry, you are doing an amazing job. Merry Christmas xx

You haven't screwed up. Your obviously a lovely mum to be this concerned.

Very kindly, you are making life needlessly difficult for yourself. DC doesn't need to be help 24/7. It's not sustainable. They will be fine on a cot/bassinet. Maybe try the next to me crib. Works wonders for clingy babies.

This is so dangerous, just put the baby somewhere safe close by. It's not safe or practical to hold a baby 24/7.

She sounds fine but please don't fall asleep like that again, it's horribly unsafe. Look up safe cosleeping.

just upset at myself we were doing so well with keeping her safe and out of the bed overnight

Being in bed in a safe cosleeping setup is far safer than what you have been doing so don't worry about having baby in bed as long as you follow the cosleeping safe 7 rules. A lot of parents think baby being in bed is dangerous so then fall asleep sitting up with baby on them which is many magnitudes more dangerous.