panicking i’ve hurt newborn

[choccyantelope]

baby is 4 days old. we’ve been doing shifts over the night, one sleep one hold her (she won’t be put down to sleep yet). been fine except it was my turn to stay awake holding her and i’ve just woke up to dh gasping and id fallen asleep and her head was bent back and she was still in my arms but loosely.

no idea how long it was for. could i have hurt her? how can i check?

The OP was on the rota to stay awake. She didn't. She fell asleep.

I ended up swaddling and using a dummy (weight gain was fine and I just used it after a big feed so I knew she wanted comfort, not milk) you have to watch that it doesn't interfere with feeding but it really helped us.

I think you should leave out the cot for now OP. Some babies just don't take to them and it's very dangerous holding a baby to sleep at night. The fatigue is real. Can you feed her and once she's asleep in your arms leave her cheek against your breast so she can smell and feel you and then shift down into a laying positing and co sleep with her on the end of bed.

This is why I had à to put my newborn to sleep on her tummy. She absolutely would not sleep on her back and I fell asleep holding her. The midwife told me that tummy sleeping is not safe but it is much safer than her slipping down me on the sofa into a cushion for example.
so I did tummy sleeping with supervised naps and a breathing mat. It was very anxiety provoking but she did sleep well.
After a few weeks she would sleep on her back and then I relaxed.
it turned out she had quite bad reflux that we had to medicate. So sleeping on her back was very painful for her.

Safe cosleeping all the way! Look up safe sleep 7.

mine wouldn’t even sleep in the next to me, she slept on my chest (made the bed safe, very upright z) until I worked out side feeding - then she’d fall asleep and stay asleep next to me.

instagram.com/cosleepy?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

Please put her down to sleep. Honestly, babies can be put down to sleep from the off. Read the stories 9/10 months down the line about the consequences of not doing so.

She’ll be fine! My baby was pulled out with forceps by the head, no last damage! I remember one obstetrician saying you could carry babies by the head and they would probably be fine and it makes him laugh to see how delicate everyone is about supporting their heads etc if that helps. Merry Christmas!

I did the same while in hospital. I'd not long been discharged from the HDU and was in a private room. God knows how long my baby was on the floor before the midwife came in 😥

Please start cosleeping, for all your sakes. I did it from the start with my second, following the guidelines. Made such a difference to our sanity levels!

No, co sleeping might buy you an extra hour or two a night initially but worsens sleep in the long run. If OP can push through the first few months sleeping ‘safely’ then it will pay dividends in the long run.

@Pinkflipflop85 so scary. Then they told me to sit in a chair - even worse as they could have got wedged!

How have you decided that she hates the crib,'Moses basket, swaddling, white noise etc, in 4 days?
You can't possibly have tried them much. Baby is new to the world. She needs to be given the opportunity to get used to things.
Some great advice on co-sleeping from other posters too. All the best

thanks everyone - don’t really feel safe cosleeping as my 20 month old cosleeps with us already and i’m worried she would roll onto baby or something as she moves all over the bed through the night.

she will go in the cot eventually as the shift thing isn’t going to work long term, i just don’t know how to do it as she just cries and cries as soon as i put her in the cot and i’m not prepared to leave her crying at this age

I used to work in a hospital, dealing with accident report forms. It happens more frequently than you would think (and babies generally bounce very well!).

But you’re prepared to risk her life this strange. At least she’s alive and not physically hurt crying in her cot. Very odd of you

Can you split up the night so one parent has baby 8pm - 2am and the other 2am -7am or something like that.
Then the one who is with baby stays properly awake, maybe in the living room or something and attempts to put baby down in Cot/basket. The other is in bed properly sleeping away from any disturbance.

@elevenplusdilemma that makes me feel slightly better. I can't tell you how awful it was looking down and seeing the baby just still on the floor. 'Luckily' their fall had been broken by something.

@choccyantelope my DD was the same. She is high needs but the fact that my partner never put her down made it so much worse. She got used to never being asleep in her own cot. I ended up kicking DP out of the bed and doing safe co-sleeping and we're still doing it now, She is 2.

The 20 month old needs to get in their own bed then. One parent in double bed with newborn, safely cosleeping (no duvet near baby). Other parent in with 20 month old elsewhere. Everyone safe.

Could 20 month old co sleep in another room with one of you and baby in the other? Holding baby and drifting off is much more dangerous than a co sleep set up. Id maybe look at trying a safe co sleep solution, not judging but if 20 month old is still co sleeping then you might be in it for the long haul with this one too. Id try to think of every practical way possible to make it work so you and your husband aren't awake for hours fighting sleep and holding baby.

I think this is either a divide and conquer - so you co sleep with baby and dh with toddler, or a case of completely rethinking your sleeping arrangements - big family floor bed for eg.

It is far far safer to plan out your sleeping environment and cosleep than to fight it and end up having these sort of horrible incidents.

I used a Snuza nappy clip alarm which helped me feel better.

Massive sympathies!

I did this fell asleep holding baby but the duvet was almost over my sons face I woke up crying , I was so sleepy deprived and ill- you need to co sleep because actually that will be more safe. I took all the pillows and duvet out the bed and my partner slept on the sofa. Make sure there’s no gaps around the bed, wear a hoodie in your top half and thin sheet wrapped around your bottom half, then place baby near your head in the bed.

that’s what made me feel comfortable co sleeping I’d be too scared otherwise , the midwife actually told me to do it when I spoke to her.

Agree with someone else put your toddler in a bed with dad and you co sleep with baby.