Parenting almost 4 year old - relentless ?

[Noshowlomo]

Feel awful writing this, and it feels so un-Christmassy but I am shattered!
DS is 4 in March and I love him so much, but I hate parenting. I hate the 6.30 starts with the “let’s play now” straight away. The tantrums, the play, the never leaving me alone.
He is so wanted, we tried for him for years and he’s perfect in so many ways, but I’m finding this stage hard and keep googling “when does parenting get easier”.
I feel like I can’t relax at all this Christmas, and keep thinking back to the days of just clocking off work, pouring a wine and watching crap tv for days with lovely lie ins. Now it’s constant play, or tidying and early starts.
Again, feel like a massive knob writing this but I would love time to myself and to go to bed knowing I can have 8 hours sleep.
Clearly not a natural mother at all! I can’t even say I’m in the house 24/7 as I have meals out with friends once a month, work etc
So my question is, does it get easier ? I know I’ll worry for life, I’m super anxious when he has so much as a cold and I just want to scoop him up and keep him safe from the world but at the same time, it’s so …. hard !!

Having young kids is HARD. And relentless. You are not alone in feeling the way you do.

Imagine if you had two of them!

It's relentless because in our small family groups, we are forced into an unnatural situation. Our ancestors had at least five aults caring for each child.

Mothers bear most of the stress, responsibility and unrealistic expectations.

@gillybean89 even reading that has made me feel better. Just so much anxiety I don’t know what to do with it sometimes. And tiredness … and the feeling like crap coz I don’t want to play all the time

Oh I feel you.
My DD wakes up at 7 every day. I'm not a morning person at all so that's early for me. She watches kids stuff on my phone for a bit while I snooze. Yep top parent right here.

It is hard though. I feel like I'm chasing my tail all day long. I just want to be able to sit and play computer games for hours and do nothing!

I feel the same as you.
It is so fucking hard.

I had a second baby when my eldest was 2.5 and it has really been quite an experience.

I do have to say though that my eldest is way easier now at 5 years old.

Youngest one still drives me mad but I would say another year or so and it does get better.

I've had a shocking day with my 4yo today, I love her so much, but she has tested everything today!!! Especially hard at this time of year I think, with their excitement about Christmas and the pressure we put on ourselves to make everything as magical and sparkly as possible. You're not alone, parenting little ones is flipping hard!

OP I wish I had a magic wand for you, and myself!DS is just 3 and dear lord he's hard work. He makes me so angry and irritated with his constant moaning and NOT LEAVING ME ALONE!!! I'm not proud of the way I shout sometimes but it's a way of getting through the day.

It doesn't help this time of year we're all stuck in the house more. Sending you solidarity xx

I have a 1yo and am finding it relentlessly difficult. You are certainly not alone!! Christmas feels a bit pointless because I won’t get any sort of break at all and DS is still too little really to appreciate any sort of Christmas magic. I feel like a tired old drudge (and like you we tried really hard to have him and he was very much wanted -still hard though!!).

Just to answer your Google... I'm really enjoying my 5 year old now. I found 2-4 really difficult

@MsChatterbox thanks. I love you!

@MsChatterbox for saying it gets better as they get older I mean… although I don’t fancy waiting a whole other year.
when do they start wanting lie ins??

I don't know OP. Mine is 2y 3m, DC2 due next month. Ive brought my toddler to see my dad, which usually I love, but I'm struggling to relax or enjoy the build up to Christmas because of the constant demands from toddler and being knackered / sore from pregnancy. It's made me really appreciate how much DP does tbh.

What time does yours go to bed? Mine usually sleeps 7.15 - 7.30 so evenings are time to relax and not hear "mummy mummy mummy!" Does your partner support you properly?

My almost 4 sleeps til 8:30 but stays up til like 9pm. My elsest also get up ar 5:30. Sometimes I get up at 5:15 for a quite coffee. Yesterday DS got up to and tried reading my book over my shoulder asking questions like. Why are the paragraphs that far apart? I love them all. But they drive me crazy.

OP I only had one (now 22 years old) because I hated the job of being a mother. It’s ok to hate it, it’s not for everyone. It’s something more women need to speak openly about. I’d rather chop off a limb than have another child so much so I got sterilised 10 years ago after a scare.

It does get less intense I promise.

Parenting is relentless, it's just the way it is... Nobody told me that when we TTC 🤦‍♀️
I have a 6 year old who is an early riser and a 6 month old, 7am is a lie in as far as I'm concerned. I'm exhausted.

Haha! I will take a declaration of love! I'm not going to comment on the lie ins as I'm not there yet 😬

As the parent of an 18 year old, it never gets easier, just "different". I'd give anything to be back at age 4, where everything (in hindsight) is so simple and uncomplicated and you know where they are and that they're safe. Also, it all flies by sooo quickly, that in what feels like the blink of an eye, you too might be wishing you were back at age 4. I'm not trying to minimise how you're feeling. It's tough, and days can feel like weeks at that age. But please try to find the pleasure in the smallest of things, yes, even the 6.30 am starts (which I miss now I can't get him to wake before 11am).. will any of this matter in 6/12 months time?? Choose your battles and breathe throughout the rest. Sending hugs.

Five onwards is really much easier (I’ve had 7 kids). I find the ages one to four soul-destroying tbh, so please don’t feel you aren’t a great parent.

Not easy. Tbh I find it easier with two as there's always a plausible explanation why you can't play with one the whole time, and they play with each other when they're not whacking each other, which is a whole other world of fun

Set some expectations, eg 'ok I'll play with you for ten minutes then you can play with your cars while I have some tea'. Or say you're cooking now but he can play with some pots and pans near you, etc.

My eldest is 6 and between them I don't get much time, I no longer expect it tbh so DH and I plan in breaks where we hide upstairs. Dc1 is currently harder than dc2, it doesn't exactly get easier but different!

I taught dc1 to read early and now getting started with dc2, he can recognise some three letter words - once they read, they can sit in the corner with a book!

I think once the youngest in 3 then it’s easier to have more than one. I personally find 2 year olds much more difficult than 3 year old stage.

It’s a few days before Christmas and this makes parenting so much more difficult.

As for them wanting lie ins mine seem to want them every school day and then get up early at weekends.

I know you're seeking empathy and solace which is fine but is there also anything that could improve the situation / change your mindset?
Most people seem to reflect that they wish they hadn't wished their time away so just thinking is there anything that could be done to stop you falling into that trap 🤷‍♀️?

Agree with the screen time. Does wonders when you are sapped. Try and sleep when they do and do minimum housework.

@toffeeapple77 I get that ! I absolutely would love to go back to when he was 6 months and a lump of chunk when at the time I hated it and wished the time away, so I know I’ll look back on this time and miss it, but in the moment it’s so so hard.
This thread has helped massively though.

I know and I really am part of the empathy squad I promise ! I think letting go of the longing for Christmas past (the lie ins, the unbroken telly etc), can be a helpful part of the process. It's like you tell yourself things have changed and you root yourself in the now.
That and low(er) expectations - no one is watching and the only thing that matters is trying to have a bond with a child, whilst knowing we are imperfect and sometimes even a bit crap.

I have a 5yo, a 3yo and a 1yo. The 5yo is by far the easiest!!! They really do get easier as they grow - I guess maybe it helps that I have the mini ones as direct comparisons