Parenting almost 4 year old - relentless ?

[Noshowlomo]

Feel awful writing this, and it feels so un-Christmassy but I am shattered!
DS is 4 in March and I love him so much, but I hate parenting. I hate the 6.30 starts with the “let’s play now” straight away. The tantrums, the play, the never leaving me alone.
He is so wanted, we tried for him for years and he’s perfect in so many ways, but I’m finding this stage hard and keep googling “when does parenting get easier”.
I feel like I can’t relax at all this Christmas, and keep thinking back to the days of just clocking off work, pouring a wine and watching crap tv for days with lovely lie ins. Now it’s constant play, or tidying and early starts.
Again, feel like a massive knob writing this but I would love time to myself and to go to bed knowing I can have 8 hours sleep.
Clearly not a natural mother at all! I can’t even say I’m in the house 24/7 as I have meals out with friends once a month, work etc
So my question is, does it get easier ? I know I’ll worry for life, I’m super anxious when he has so much as a cold and I just want to scoop him up and keep him safe from the world but at the same time, it’s so …. hard !!

Well good on you for doing the work to try and resolve some of these issues. And I'm sorry for your loss
It's good to get comfort on these threads that you're not alone - having kids is hard! But also I think you're doing the right thing to understand how some of these issues might be not just the norm.
I suppose what I mean is weve all had bad days where it feels relentless with young children but if all of the days feel like that and nothing seems to help do unpack what might be behind that.
Best wishes for Xmas and the new year

DS just turned 4 I absolutely agree with Pp We had a groclock which helped - set for 7.15 on weekdays and 7.45 at weekends.
We use the exact same times. I also make sure the heating comes on before he walked up as he's more likely to stay in bed if it's warm and cosy!
Today he got up at eight, bliss.
He's full on during the day, we've just made mince pies (ready made puff pastry and shop bought mincemeat nothing fancy!) . Then he helped me sort some laundry for washing. I'm now running him a bath so I can get some bits done upstairs, whilst. I'm in and out of the bathroom. I'm off now until the new year but usual I'm at work and he's at nursery, I don't feel bad about it, he loves it

Feel like this thread is saving my soul. I've just guiltily snuck upstairs to have a browse of Mumsnet and DD (4 in May) came up and asked me to come back downstairs. I explained to her that sometimes she likes to be on her own and right now mummy wants five mins alone to just read. I tell her that anything I do for myself like reading Mumsnet or doing mum groups on zoom is mummy school, so I can be a better mum for her. I mean saying that still means that my needs don't matter over hers, so I need to work on my boundaries a bit better. It is so so so relentless but hearing 5 gets easier is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Felt the same yesterday but woke up today feeling so much better, just back to normal. It’s so weird how my anxiety comes and goes. My son is still relentless but I can cope better most days. I think the fact he’s had two great sleeps has helped so we’ve all slept well.
Thank you so much for your responses. I hope you all have a lovely Christmas 😊

I love being with ds so much but im still recovering from a sickness bug and my god the talking has just not stopped all day. Just never ending. My ears! I set a 2 minute timer on YouTube on my phone and said we both had to not talk for that time and that it was a fun game. He did it and found it hilarious and that was a brief respite but other than that it's been almost constant. Anyone else??

I have a little boy the same age as yours OP, also a younger one. Just when I think I’ve cracked it he throws a mega wobbler. Took him out today and he had the most horrendous tantrum on arrival. The kind where you just have to pick them up - I went to the loos with him
to calm him down. Those moments are so hard. I am finding they are fewer and further between though. The early mornings are still tough and I find the days I have them both alone long.

I have both depression and anxiety. I let it become quite bad before I sought help (suicidal idealisation) my anxiety was crippling. I find things much easier now I’m in a better place. Although I’m not cured.

Similar age kid. Tbh I feel like what you're writing when I'm tired. It may be that you need to see how you can get more sleep, where possible and a break to do things you want to do, a walk,a hobby or whatever even just once a week.

I also find the issue with so wanting a child is you can have high expectations of how perfect it is, how you'll do wonderful craft projects, they'll play independently, help you with housework. You may need to adjust expectations. I try to avoid expecting certain things (that are not really behaviour related) from my child.

Yeah sometimes the playing superheros drives me mad. My husband does it whilst I do housework. I don't know if someone can help with this.

They say it will get easier and you'll miss them asking to do things together.

This is such a tough age. Mine was awful between 3-4.

He's nearly 8 now and much easier, although has now developed a bit of an attitude

I think all stages of parenting are tough to be honest!

How is everyone doing? I'm finding it a bit like ground hog day since Boxing Day was over. DS (3) has been unwell since before Christmas and still won't play independently for longer than 5 mins. Weather is crap, TV gets ignored. Can you tell I'm in a great mood? 😅

I have a 3 year old DD and recently a baby. Since having the baby I've had to be a lot more firm with DD and sometimes refused to play or started her on an activity but told her I've got to go to the baby. It's actually working quite well (although it's still exhausting). Just wondering if it might be worth saying no a bit more...(appreciate that is easier said than done)

Hi both ☺️
husband is ill and his parents are ill but I have to work so husband is looking after DS who wants to play constantly but we are getting better at saying no, and we need 5 mins to do XYZ. We were supposed to meet with friends day before yesterday but they were ill and I know DS is missing interaction with his school friends (they start school young in wales !). I don’t have the crippling anxiety I did but I think that’s because I’ve done a few shifts and spoken to adults about adult things ! But yes I just wish I had downtime to have a lovely bath or just go for a walk in the wind for some air on my own. Hey ho… it’s a phase it will pass (keep repeating!!!)

Parenting at this age is HARD and very full on. It is made even harder if they don't sleep through or are early risers and the lack of sleep makes everything seem harder.

It gets different, not necessarily easier, as they get older. So, you may find he manages to play by himself or watch a movie as their concentration grows. Also having friends over when they are older helps or asking help from your DH/DP or if you have any supportive friends or relativesto entertain him whilst you can have some time to do something for yourself can help you feel more sane.

FWIW my eldest could never play alone, demanded constant attention and was not great at sleeping either. It was exhausting. She was later in her late teens diagnosed with ADHD which explains a lot.

Also, wait until they are teens, when they tend to sleep until lunchtime, barely say anything, moan if you want to spend any family time together and still have toddler style tantrums!

Yep. I have a just turned 5 year old and a DS who turns 4 in March. It's relentless noise.