Son says he hates me

[Punchinthemothergut]

My seven year old was worried he was on the naughty list. He’s a kind boy so I asked him why he thought that and he said because he often thinks he hates me. Just me, he said he loves the rest of the family.

I feel so sad and sick. I was reassuring and said we all sometimes have negative feelings and I always love him and will always be there for him. He fell asleep cuddling me and I carried him to bed. But now I’m sat here feeling awful and like I’ve messed up for him to be feeling this way.

Has anyone else experienced this?

He knows you love him, you make him feel safe and secure. That means that a) he can tell you these things that are worrying him without fear and b) you are a safe space to direct his anger at. This is all just a sign of what a good mum you are and what a secure, loved little boy he is

Thank you Swanna. I’m unsure if I should just leave it or try tomorrow to find out why he feels like this. I don’t want to make it in to a big thing, but it might be that I’m upsetting him. Parenting is so hard.

He's just pushing your boundaries. IME "I hate you" means "please reassure me that you love me". You therefore handled it perfectly and the fact that he fell asleep cuddling you tells you how he actually feels about you.

I have a couple of useful lines to trot out that I learnt on here: That's a shame, because I love you very much; and That doesn't matter, because I love you enough for both of us.

Let it pass - you handled it perfectly and he can now put it from his mind. Don't bring it up again. He is learning how to deal with anger which we all feel at times. A difficult lesson, but he knows you have got his back now.

Thank you all. Yes you are right I just need to leave it and if it comes up again be reassuring to him, and not make him responsible for my feelings.

He doesn't mean it...they say things they don't mean!!! My son says it when he's annoyed/angry...but I know he loves me to bits

One of my DD once said the classic I hate you when she couldn’t get her own way. I replied with - that’s a shame because I love you.

As others said, he’s pushing boundaries and he is clearly feeling secure enough to tell you how he feels. Please don’t take this comment personally.

He doesn’t really know what hate is. He knows he felt angry or frustrated over something, that’s all.

You clearly have a loving and trusting relationship to be able to have the discussion ❤️