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Parenting

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Original poster

The sadness of bringing home DC2

68 replies

LoveYouHoneybear · 17/12/2022 21:11

Did anyone else feel an overwhelming sense of sadness when bringing home DC2? Along with the happiness of having another baby, I can't help but feel so sad I will never have the same time for my DD1. She is only 20 months old and adjusting so well to her new little sister, but I am basically crying all day long thinking about how our lives have changed forever. I know they have changed in so many good ways, but I can't shake this sadness too! Would love anyone else's experience with this. Thank you.

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WaddleAway · 17/12/2022 21:14

If it’s any consolation… yes I did feel like that. But there are 20 months between my 2 girls, they’re now 9 and 7, and honestly they are the very best of friends. They would be lost without each other. From the beginning DD2 adored DD1, and vice versa. The first 6 months were hard, but I wouldn’t change it for the world.

picklemewalnuts · 17/12/2022 21:14

It was fine for me, because I'd had nightmares all the way through pregnancy about having to choose between them! Actually having them both was nothing like as awful as my dreams! It was a relief. Try not to worry too much- you've created another family member for DD1. Barring calamity, the sibling relationship is the longest relationship anyone ever has.

mitsy5 · 17/12/2022 21:16

I think I was maybe more the other way round in that DC2 would never get the same amount of attention DC1 did.

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OnlyFoolsnMothers · 17/12/2022 21:16

Honestly nope because having a sibling is the best thing imo- and I was just so excited to see my girls together.

sdra · 17/12/2022 21:16

I felt the same. It passes. It's a massive change again. Be kind to yourself, and congratulations

Passportpondery · 17/12/2022 21:17

Yep! I remember that first few nights crying and thinking what the hell have we done.

Once my hormones settled and we got into a routine as a family of 4 it was all fine! I now couldn’t imagine having my eldest as a single child.

NameChangeLifeChange · 17/12/2022 21:18

sdra · 17/12/2022 21:16

I felt the same. It passes. It's a massive change again. Be kind to yourself, and congratulations

This x 100000. I cried many hormonal tears those first few weeks. My DC are the best of friends at 5 & 3 now!

SillyBub · 17/12/2022 21:18

mitsy5 · 17/12/2022 21:16

I think I was maybe more the other way round in that DC2 would never get the same amount of attention DC1 did.

Definitely this. Right now your strongest bond is with DD1 but soon the maternal guilt will shift to feeling bad for neglecting your second. There's no escaping the guilt!

Congratulations on your new little one!

Reindeersnooker · 17/12/2022 21:19

It's really common. It passes quickly.

WineIsMyCarb · 17/12/2022 21:20

I have 22 months between my DDs. Giving them each other so close in age is the best gift I could have given them.

Take your time, pour a glass of something and enjoy/survive the chaos that's about to be your next 2 years!

Congratulations

Rushingfool · 17/12/2022 21:21

mitsy5 · 17/12/2022 21:16

I think I was maybe more the other way round in that DC2 would never get the same amount of attention DC1 did.

But when DC1 starts school, DC2 will have you to themselves (unless you work full-time of course), and again when DC1 leaves home. It's DC1 that won't get so much time with you again.

Bakingdiva · 17/12/2022 21:23

Yes, I sobbed on and off for a few weeks before DC2 was born about how cruel I was turning poor DC1s life upside down, she hadn't chosen this, she wasn't going to be my only baby any more, how could we be so awful to her (on repeat in my head over and over).

There is 3.5 years between them and from the moment DC1 saw her little brother she has utterly adored him and he thinks she walks on water (excluding the bickering). DC2 is 3.5 now and they are the best of friends.

I blame the pregnancy / post natal hormones!

Twinmumandone18 · 17/12/2022 21:24

I felt a lot of guilt but as my little girl was 3 when I had the twins. But she’ll always be my baby and we spend as much time together as possible. 🥰 We’re very close and she’s got a lovely relationship with her baby siblings now too.

Try not to worry and I think you can definitely still have the same time with her. I would just keep doing whatever she wants to do and take the baby with you. You will adjust and it will become the new normal 😊

RedLem0nade · 17/12/2022 21:31

I felt that overwhelmingly. It was as if I was grieving the precious one-on-one relationship Id had with DD1 and I felt I had totally destroyed her known world by having DD2 (sounds melodramatic but that’s how I felt).

it eased gradually though I can’t remember how long it took now. Suffice to say it’s a distant memory and I have absolutely no regrets now about having the two of them- they are best friends. They enrich each other’s worlds so much. They kill each other too of course, but each of their lives is brighter and more beautiful because they have each other, as are mine and DH’s. And I still always make time for one-on-one time with each of them and have wonderful relationships with both.

Keep the faith and let this new phase of your lifelong love with your firstborn, and now your secondborn, grow and blossom now xxx

tiredfriday · 17/12/2022 21:33

You’ve done something amazing for your DD by giving her a sibling. Just remember that. My two couldn’t be without each other.

WaddleAway · 17/12/2022 21:33

I try to have one to one time with my girls but they always ask if the other one can come along too 😂

DuploMum · 17/12/2022 21:33

No - I was just desperate to get home to see DS1!

18m gap.

Northernlurker · 17/12/2022 21:37

First night I lay awake for hours worrying we'd ruined dd1's life. Partly hormones, partly adrenaline from the birth I think. Just as I wore myself out worrying the new baby woke up
Anyway next morning I went to get up dd1 and she stood up in her cot bed and said ' go find baby' (she was 2.75 but v slow to speak so this was a big sentence for her) and I knew it was all absolutely fine, much, much better than fine. Nobody shares as much with you as siblings. You've given your older child a fabulous gift.

MarigoldPetals · 17/12/2022 21:39

No because I had twins first. When I brought home my third 18 months later it was a novelty to just have one to breast feed and to settle at night.

Original poster

LoveYouHoneybear · 17/12/2022 21:46

Thank you all so much for the reassurance that this sadness will fade. deep down, I know I have given DD1 a gift of a sibling when already she asks about the baby and likes to hug & kiss her baby sister. I think hormones are definitely at play! And lack of sleep!

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nomcachange · 17/12/2022 22:01

It’s heartbreaking! My littlest is 2 now (the same age as his bro when I brought him home) and I still feel a bit of that pain, it must be so bloody hard being the eldest! But it will pay dividends when they have their little playmate who adores them more than anyone xx

BellePeppa · 17/12/2022 22:03

I can’t remember as it was twenty years ago but I think I probably felt a little guilt that my first born was no longer going to have my full attention. In no time at all it seemed perfectly normal to have another child in the house though. In all that time they have never fought or fallen out (two boys)

OublietteBravo · 17/12/2022 22:04

Yes. Although actually for me it was stronger before DS was born. It passes. I don’t really think about it at all any more (DD is now 18, and DS is almost 17 - they’re 19 months apart)

Freetodowhatiwant · 17/12/2022 22:06

Yeah I felt so sad for DC1 and the bond that was usually just between us too. I also remember he said ‘but I miss my mummy’ one day when trying to climb onto my knee and I was holding the baby!! Almost broke my heart. But now I have my own bond with each of them. It took a while to stop feeling guilty and also missing DC1 though.

ASimpleLobsterHat · 17/12/2022 22:07

My two are much older now (eldest 13), but seeing how they enjoy each other's company so much (apart from the usuals I long bickering) and how DS1 is his most talkative and open with DS2 makes me so happy that they have each other. I don't think DS1 would have preferred to not have a sibling and have us all to himself, we're nowhere near as much fun as his sibling.

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