The sadness of bringing home DC2

[LoveYouHoneybear]

Did anyone else feel an overwhelming sense of sadness when bringing home DC2? Along with the happiness of having another baby, I can't help but feel so sad I will never have the same time for my DD1. She is only 20 months old and adjusting so well to her new little sister, but I am basically crying all day long thinking about how our lives have changed forever. I know they have changed in so many good ways, but I can't shake this sadness too! Would love anyone else's experience with this. Thank you.

How old is your baby? I cried the first night home with my newborn because I missed his brother (who was just upstairs in bed!) and felt guilty because I loved my new baby too...

A couple of weeks in and the hormones are settling down and I’m mainly just enjoying watching them together and showering both with as much love as possible. I still feel a bit torn because I want to give both my full attention, but the pluses of two already outweigh any worries I have.

Be kind to yourself, postpartum hormones are intense.

22months between my two . I had to go in for bed rest before the 2nd and number 1 was excited because she was so spoilt by the family. She was absolutely fine and took over with my sons care 😊

Yes- bDC1

Whoops, fumbly fingers

Bringing home DC1 was lovely, wished we'll by nurses and midwives. DH and I carried her out together taking photos on the way. Stopped for takeaway coffee on the way home.
DM was at our home dog sitting for us and ready to welcome us back. Few close friends and family popped by over the next week or so. It was really lovely.
DC2 I spent three nights in hospital with, completely alone, confined to my room because of Covid.
Finally cleared to leave and I wheeled him out in his wee plastic bassinet with my bag underneath to meet DH and DC at the hospital doors as no visitors were allowed. Straight home and no visitors or outing for almost 2months.
I simultaneously loved the quiet one on one time and was desperately sad that I couldn't share my wonderful new baby with our family and friends.
Feel totally ripped off and sad that I will never have that experience again but have made peace with it.

I'm due our 2nd any day now (can't lay down to sleep because of heartburn 😭) - there will be 25 months between them. I was worried the other way - my toddler has had SO MUCH attention in his short life, being the first grandchild both sides, I worried he would grow up really over-indulged (even though he's currently a lovely, helpful little sweetie), and less able to deal with a sibling if we had one when he was older.

Your babies might get less attention from you, but they'll have the attention of another, full family member (each other), who will be able to provide them with things you can't x

@Yarboosucks I am so so sorry and apologise if my post was insensitive or triggering in any way. You are absolutely right, I should just be grateful for what I have. This thread is really helping me see that, sincere thanks to all.

Ditto

I remember crying on the way home from our last holiday as a family of 3 while I was pregnant because dd1 wouldn't ever remember it.
Don't under estimate hormones! All I can add is that my dds are 23 months apart & so close with a lovely, normal (including rows!) sibling relationship. Mine are young adults now but I still remember that sadness, it passes very quickly.
Enjoy your baby, your dd1 sounds like she's enjoying having a sister x

If you really are crying all day long, please see your maternity unit or go to your doctor and ask about help.

I do remember putting newborn ds in the back seat and then strapping in toddler Dd.

There was a powerful sense that things had changed very dramatically and there seemed to be an awful lot more children that previously. Even though only one more!

Before it was me, DH then baby Dd as an "add on". But it could still feel like the couple was the main thing. Once we had two children it felt suddenly like a full family, a crowd.

And when I looked in the back at two tiny children depending on me I did feel pretty terrified.

It just all needs time to get used to.

What you won't be able to imagine now is your children playing together and laughing together. Ive just seen a vid of Dd aged 3 making dS aged six months howl with laughter by banging squeaky Tomy eggs on his rubber ring. That's so precious.

I also relate to what people say - that when you bring home dc2 it's all more of a muddle and a fudge compared to the "journey of state" in which dc1 was brought home!

I remember we stopped as Asda threw some shopping in the boot - Dd hurt her foot, ds started crying - and when we got home it was chaos for a few days!

Just muddle in through. Make sure everyone is warm and fed and your doing well.

My eldest was 10 when his little sister was born and it was very bittersweet as I felt I was destroying our world. I'd been a single parent for a long time and they have different dads. But seeing him as the wonderful big brother he is makes my heart happy. I do wish I'd had them closer together but in some ways it's been nice as DS1 did have a good chunk of time just dedicated to him.

Yes I cried a lot for the first few months. Bawling in the shower sometimes. It was a huge adjustment for everyone. It wasn't PND just grieving the loss of all that time with DD1. Baby is now 5 months old and I don't remember the last time I cried about it, and I'm absolutely loving having 2. DD has become so much more independent and is constantly blowing me away with all the new things she's learning and how good of a big sister she is.

Allow yourself to grieve but know that it will get better and you'll adjust soon enough. I had to avoid sad music (it always had me in pieces!) and watched plenty of comedy programs when I had a second to myself... It helped me to feel better.

nope never felt like that there’s 24 months exactly between my first two, I was so excited to get home more than anything else.

Just an update: I'm 3 weeks into having DD2 and feeling so much better! The sadness has definitely faded and I'm enjoying being a mum to two. Thanks so much for the encouraging comments!

DC2 was born downstairs in the living room, while DC1 (16 months old at the time) napped upstairs. I remember having a major wobble about an hour before DC2 was born, because when DC1 wakes up, her whole life will have completely changed and she wouldn’t have me all to herself anymore.
I think it’s normal!

Yes, I was distraught in exactly the same way. I sobbed and sobbed for my oldest child when I had my second (16 months between them). I felt horrific guilt for knowing how to look after DC2, whereas DC1 had some useless idiot who struggled to do up a sleep suit because it was all new to me. It seems ridiculous looking back, but that’s how I felt at the time.

I spoke to my lovely midwife about how I was feeling and she said: “Do you have siblings?”, and I replied that, yes, I did; that I had one wonderful sister. And she said “You’ve given DC1 the same gift”…I still sobbed for weeks afterwards, but it definitely helped my perspective!

It will pass, I promise. X

I understand but your DC1 will forever have a best buddy. So focus on that.