2.5 year old gets very distressed at doctors - nasal flu vaccine!

[TeaPlzx]

Hi All,

Not too sure what I'm hoping for here, maybe just some words of support from anyone who has been through similar?
I've not long got home from taking my 2.5 year old son to the doctors to see a nurse for the nasal flu vaccine...long story short, we didn't manage to get it.

My son started sobbing with genuine fear once we were in the nurses office. The nurse suggested I bribe him, but videos on my phone, snacks, etc. didn't work. When he's genuinely scared, there's just no distracting him.
The nurse told me how the little girl who'd just been in before (I saw her, looked a little older, maybe 3/3.5 years) jumped on the nurses lap and was more than happy to have the vaccine. Telling a clearly stressed out Mum this, while she's holding her distressed son, just seemed more than unhelpful 😅

Anyway, in the end we left, because DS was just too worked up. As we got in the car he said "no like doctor, make sad". It's heartbreaking, but I also feel like a failiure that I've not managed to get my son the vaccine!

I guess I'm hoping another parent may say their child has reacted the same way? They've also been unable to get the vaccine? I'm not a total failiure and completely alone in this situation? 😭
Plus...any suggestions on how I could help ease my sons anxiety and upset around the doctors, would be great. Or do others think it's just something that will eventually pass?

Thanks in advance,

Mine was the same. Managed to get about half up her nose I think. But there's not much else you can do really.

I treat it just like worming the horse, few seconds of upset and it is done. DD didn’t get the option, she did scream her head off like she was being murdered but was pacified with the bravery certificate and chocolate afterwards and has told the whole world how brave she was (she wasn’t but I have obviously not said that).
But my stepsister is treating kids in hospital with flu, so I wasn’t leaving without the vaccine. Too scary. I don’t think DD is scarred but it’s tough love camp for us. We had to do the same with endless Covid tests for nursery (18 PCR tests!)

Well I've always just had them
On my knee facing outwards. Hand on the forehead, arm across body and hold still until it's done.

I think you need to just accept he'll be upset and it's not that big of a deal tbh.

This, basically. Vaccines not optional in our house.

Honestly if you've prepared him a bit and he's still upset I'd just take it out of his hands. You made the decision that he is having the vaccine, and if he's very scared then you need to tell him you'll help him hold still so he can have it because it's very important.
Then prepare him as best you can before appointment (eg watch YouTube videos of happy kids having the spray, role play with dolls, let him pretend to give you it) and if he still can't hold still on the day... restrain as gently as you can and get it over with. If he's very scared I think faffing and prolonging the experience makes it worse.
Then afterwards a little treat like a sticker book so he has a positive association. Maybe try and reframe it a bit after too, as "I had to help you hold still this time, but you're a super germ fighter now and your body is extra strong now!" "I'm sure with practice you will get better at holding still at the doctors"
It's really tough though with medical things that need doing, despite them not liking it.

Yeah,this and it really isn't 'heart breaking,' he cried at the doctor's that's all. Try and see it for what it was.

Similar to PPs, vaccines aren't optional for us. We've just had DD's pre school jabs (2 injections, one in each arm) and the nurse was absolutely fab but DD still needed holding pretty firmly, particularly after she'd had the first one and knew another was coming.

You say your son was scared as soon as he went into the nurse's office - do you know what scared him? Has he had a traumatic experience there, a painful blood test or something? Or does he not like unfamiliar places/people?

He's not particularly keen on unfamiliar places/people.

The suggestions to restrain him just don't work, the nurse was unwilling to attempt the spray unless he had calmed down/sat still.
Trying to reason with him when that upset, wasn't an option. He didn't care for what treat he'd receive after, etc.
He was throwing arms and legs about, screaming in tears. When I did attempt to sit down and restrain him, he would throw his head back and try to climb down.
I really am not sure what else we could have done, when I asked the nurse what she suggested, she too agreed he was just too distressed and said to perhaps try again another time.

Not much advice to offer but just to say that though both mine were fine at 2.5, every year after that for my eldest has been a nightmare. At school last year when she was 6 they couldn't give it to her and when I tried to take her to the nurse at the GP surgery it was distressing for everyone and we just couldn't do it! She finally did it this autumn age 7 but admitted she cried! I felt that at 6 years old, holding her down and forcing it was likely to cause her more trauma than it was worth, so just hoped she'd grow out of it. So, no advice but I sympathise with how hard it can be! x

Thank you, JW1102 and bravelittletiger, for making me feel like I'm not the only one 😅
As much as I appreciate the suggestions from others of restraint, sometimes it really isn't doable, physically.

I dont know- I work in theatres and if a child needs restraining in order to have anaesthesia for urgent surgery, we just have to get on with it...

Also if he gets flu and very poorly then a hospital admission would be far more traumatic in terms of needles etc

Well, tbh, I think you have to toughen up a bit. Both my kids were large for their age and strong but it needed done so it was done.

I will tell you that one year I forgot to get the flu vaccine for ds as I'd just had his sister and was in a newborn fog. We all got flu including the newborn but ds (3) ended up in hospital over Christmas with double pneumonia. I can't describe the guilt I felt.

I administer these and they can be difficult. We cant physically restrain the child obviously so it's down to the parent. The less chat and faffing beforehand the better IMO. Brisk and matter of fact is best. Stickers and sweets after the event.

DS has received all prior vaccines and I've never had issues with giving him calpol, etc. Calling a parent "pathetic" for seeking out some support/advice is unbecoming.

If the nurse was unwilling to administer the vaccine unless DS was calm/still, I'm not sure what else I could do in that given situation. Even when seated and attempting to restrain, she still wasn't keen as he was so upset/wriggling about.

Would they let you rebook for the injection one instead? It’s easier to restrain for an injection I imagine!

This, two seconds and done. They'll be more upset if they get the flu.

For something unnecessary I'd 💯 understand, but things like this need to be a non negotiable. Prep as much as possible, but at 2, if you hold them in your lap the way pp described it is absolutely doable.
It's not nice seeing them upset obviously, but ( and I know this is different) my son around the same age was admitted with bronchitis and that was horrific. He will be more distressed if he gets seriously ill, op.
Sit him in your lap, head to the side against your chest, hold in place with your hand. Put his arms by his sides and secure with your arm over him and tuck his legs between yours - like a big bear hug. It won't hurt him at all and it's a matter of seconds.

Thanks @ladydimitrescu
Think I'll re-book and be a bit more pushy with the nurse that I know he'll be upset/won't clam down and we'll basically have to work with what we've got.
She'll have to administer while I restrain him.

This
My 8 year old has an organ transplant and has had blood taken every 8-12 weeks since 6 months old.
He just sits there now but I used to have to restrain.
The flu spray is painless so it will be over and done with in seconds.

Is there a different nurse? My son is generally scared of any medical environment because of medical trauma (I imagine the smell is the trigger). Last year aged 2 I held him on my lap facing me in a cuddle with his head against my chest facing to the side and the nurse did it as quickly as possible. There's no way he would have calmed down at that age.

DD had the flu nasal spray for the first time last year and I had to hold her on my lap with one arm and hold her head still with the other. The nurse did faff a little at the start which didn't help - the previous practice nurse was brilliant as she'd prepare it all before calling you in and you barely sat down before she'd do the jab 🤣 much better approach to just get on with it. We are going this week for a double-whammy of flu nasal spray and pre-school jabs. DD is now almost 3.5 yrs and I have been prepping her for what will happen but I expect on the day I will have to restrain in some way. But rather that than being admitted to hospital for flu or something else that could have been prevented with a few minutes of distress.

@UnbeatenMum I'm hoping so. Had the nurse suggested restraining him in that way, I would have certainly tried to do so. It was essentially me holding him kicking and screaming, attempting to sit down and him throwing himself about and the nurse suggesting I take him away to calm him donw and bring him back (wouldn't happen). Unfortunately, she wasn't willing to administer unless he calmed down and sat nicely. I've never had to restrain him before, I guess his last vaccines he was 13 months, so a lot smaller and easier to appease.
I wish I'd have insisted a little more and gone with the hold you've all suggested.
Will re-book, ask that the nurse has everything prepared for when we're called in, I'll immediately sit down and restrain as suggested and hopefully the nurse can administer as quickly as possible.

Did you tell your son what was going to happen?? Last year when my daughter was 2 I told her we were going to see the nurse and she was going to tickle her nose. That the nurse was lovely and that she'd get a sticker.
This year she was fine, now I'm going to prep her for her needles.

The faffing definitely doesn't help, you're right. I'll be asking reception if the nurse can have everything prepped for the next time. So I can literally walk in, sit down, spray spray and out!

I'll be sure to update you all, no doubt.