2.5 year old gets very distressed at doctors - nasal flu vaccine!

[TeaPlzx]

Hi All,

Not too sure what I'm hoping for here, maybe just some words of support from anyone who has been through similar?
I've not long got home from taking my 2.5 year old son to the doctors to see a nurse for the nasal flu vaccine...long story short, we didn't manage to get it.

My son started sobbing with genuine fear once we were in the nurses office. The nurse suggested I bribe him, but videos on my phone, snacks, etc. didn't work. When he's genuinely scared, there's just no distracting him.
The nurse told me how the little girl who'd just been in before (I saw her, looked a little older, maybe 3/3.5 years) jumped on the nurses lap and was more than happy to have the vaccine. Telling a clearly stressed out Mum this, while she's holding her distressed son, just seemed more than unhelpful 😅

Anyway, in the end we left, because DS was just too worked up. As we got in the car he said "no like doctor, make sad". It's heartbreaking, but I also feel like a failiure that I've not managed to get my son the vaccine!

I guess I'm hoping another parent may say their child has reacted the same way? They've also been unable to get the vaccine? I'm not a total failiure and completely alone in this situation? 😭
Plus...any suggestions on how I could help ease my sons anxiety and upset around the doctors, would be great. Or do others think it's just something that will eventually pass?

Thanks in advance,

My daughter was very similar OP! She's 3 next month. Every time there was a GP appointment she'd scream through the whole thing and I couldn't hear what the doctor was saying.

I started taking her 18 year old sister with us which, for some reason really helped. She would refuse simple examinations before.

No vaccines are compulsory. 2/3 year olds have been offered the flu vaccine annually for about 10 years I think, so relatively new. I'm not sure if primary school children were offered it from the same time, or if that's been going less time.

The nurse is the one who sounds a bit pathetic here! I took my toddler last week and she instructed me how to hold him as I was doing it (cheek to my chest, one arm around his body, the other holding his head still) and had it all done in seconds. Perhaps have a chat to the receptionists when you rebook, you could ask if there’s a nurse who is particularly good with children.

I hate to slate the medical staff, but honestly, I found it all quite strange and not like any other appointments we've been to. Usually when I walk in, the Dr/Nurse will tell me how they need me to stand/sit/hold DS and what position they need him in. She just stayed seated and when I asked what she suggests/wants me to do, she said "most parents use a bribe, or maybe go out and come back in"... any parent who has experienced their toddler crying hysterically will know bribing or reasoning with conversation just won't cut it. Still, I followed her advice and he just became more upset, at which point she suggested I leave and try another time.
Your comment has sort of confirmed what I was thinking and I definitely hope seeing a different nurse may result in a much more positive outcome.

Thank you, these sort of replies make me feel less alone in the situation 😅
I'm so glad you found something to help and I'll definitely be taking a family member along with me for support (for DS and for me)!

When DS had it first time I just sat him on my lap and put my hand on his forehead. It wasn't an option not to have it done. It took a second.

This time he is 3 so understood better. I told him before we went in that it was a tickle spray that would go up his nose and it will tickle. I still held him the same way as the nurse asked me to.

It's not nice seeing your child upset but it's only take a few seconds so just hold his head back it's not going to traumatise him.

It just isn't that simple when they're kicking, crying, snot all over.

Unfortunately, it's a little more than just being upset, it's more hysterical crying. I think had I known/received support from the nurse on how she wanted me to hold him as soon as I walked in, perhaps it could have been done and over with before DS got to the point of hysterical crying. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case and as time went on, he just became more distressed.

"Just isn't doable" how do you think they get cannulas in kids? Take bloods? Give chemo? Just isn't doable, ffs 🙄

Hand on forehead, arm across arms, leg across legs. My daughter has very valid reasons to absolutely hate hospitals and doctors and she often goes berserk but she'd be much more upset hospitalised with flu so we get on with it. She hysterically cried through her flu vaccination a few weeks ago and surprisingly we still managed to get it done.

You were the issue here.

How am I the issue if the nurse refused to adminster the vaccine unless DS had calmed down/stopped crying? There was no option or suggestion for restraining and it's not something I'd ever had to consider before. I didn't choose to leave, the nurse wasn't willing to give the vaccine as he was too distressed. I couldn't exactly force her to.

As I've already mentioned, it's only since reading other parents advice on this thread as how to hold DS to prevent him moving and to adminster the vaccine, that in future I'll be prepped with that knowledge as I walk in.

I've never met a nurse in my life that wouldn't treat a crying child. But that's the story you're sticking to so that's fine. I'm glad the info on holding has been helpful and you'll be able to get it done next time.

The nurse definitely makes a difference. My 5 year old couldn't have it at school (he needed it earlier), struggled and arms flaring she just made it a game, telling him he missed her, jumping around everywhere. He was on fits of laughter and she said come on then let me have a wash of that nose and he willingly accepted. It just took for him to trust her.

They may have had it on record that he gave a junior doctor a nosebleed via a punch with his 2 year old vaccine though😂

Yep I’ve explained all that and she understands, but her extreme anxiety means that for now, at least, I’m going to leave it.

I feel your pain OP. I took my 2.5 year old and I wasn't able to physically restrain her enough or long enough for her to have the full vaccine. Fair enough if others believe they could with theirs but without being violent I wouldn't have been able to.

Obviously the nurse wouldn't get involved with restraining her but kept telling me to hold her head etc which would have been fine were she not thrashing her head from side to side while at the same time thrashing her arms and legs and crying which also made the whole thing nearly impossible because she was snotty.

We tried a lot of things and lots of bribery but the nurse wouldn't have had me there for long as there was a long queue. In the end some of it went up her nose but not all of it. You get some seriously sanctimonious responses on mumsnet. Ignore them!

Also to add I would say the people on here who are suggesting it's straightforward probably didn't have a toddler who wouldn't let you do it.

The kid in front of us happily skipped in and out. The kid behind us was freaked out but not in a state like mine. Mine was fine until we actually went into the room at which point she completely lost the plot and there was no way of reasoning with her or restraining her. If I could have sat her on my lap/held her head/held her arms etc then I would have done!

@bravelittletiger I'd love to know what you think parents do in hospital when their toddler needs treatment!

I can absolutely see it where a situation has been going on for several minutes, trying to pander to the child, and the child had got to a point it is so distressed the nurse put an end to it. There is rightly a lot of onus on the parent to be taking control of and restraining the child and if the OP wasn't doing this the nurse can't restrain a mobile 2 year old and administer the the spray at the same time - unless they swaddle in a sheet and then pin down with their legs (been there with eye drops and even then needed dh to help sometimes!)

The OP obviously didn't know all this so the situation became uncontrollable and was best ended. OP knows now - you simply cannot negotiate with an unwilling 2 year old when it comes to uncomfortable treatments.

Exactly!
Mine had an organ transplant at 6 months old. 8-12 weekly bloods ever since. Daily at the start.
Literally just pinned him down so they could do it.

@October2020 I'm assuming it's either two parents/carers or the child is on a bed so it's easier? Or perhaps the doctor is more inclined to get involved. And it's also definitely easier to get a jab into them than a nasal thing (or at least for mine). No idea why they've moved to nasal things rather than jabs. I've never had an issue with her jabs because it's all over within a second. The sight of a masked nurse coming directly towards her face to shove something up her nose she wasn't having.

This!

Having had one failed attempt fresh in his mind, it would be god of you can pop in and sit in the waiting room for five minutes to break the negative association. I’m not quite sure how you do that, especially in the covid rule life we are still in. Even just popping in to make the appt with him and then ask if you can sit and read a book for a couple of minutes might help.

@ofwarren do you literally have to pin down all their limbs whilst you hold their head down and they scream and cry uncontrollably each time? If so then that must be very unpleasant.

Mine have had bloods taken and cannulas and jabs but I've never had the physical reaction we had with the nasal thing.

I am about the least ant vax person you could imagine so I can assure you I did what was possible in the 3 minutes allotted for her vaccine.

My 3 year old is mostly unvaccinated due to ASD as has such severe meltdowns at any medical setting he loses his sight temporarily and we can’t risk it . The flu spray seemed to be the most traumatic and the first time we tried we had to leave without it being done and have now made the decision we rely on herd immunity

Not any more, he's totally fine now. He's 8.
We did have to for a while though. He'd sit on my knee facing me in a bear hug where he couldn't move. The nurses are usually very helpful in that situation with distraction at our hospital.

That'd be nice if that was the case but it's absolutely not. My youngest would vomit immediately afterwards and my eldest needed bloods taken as a newborn which was no more pleasant I can tell you. Plus my eldest had millions of ear infections which required them to look in his ears and I had to hold his head as he had a camera put up his nose when he was 7 so yeah, sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind.

My son 2yr 2mo is usually really anxious around strangers and I was really dreading taking him for his flu vaccine.

I prepped him a lot in the day or two leading up to the appointment saying we were going to see the Dr (we've not had to go to the gp before, apart from the usual vaccines which he wouldn't remember). I said the Dr was going to look and mummy and DS nose and we practiced looking and touching each others nose.

He was absolutely fine with the appointment, told the nurse we were there to look at his nose and she very quickly stuck the spray up there. I thought it would be really uncomfortable and quite a full on blast of liquid but just seemed like a gentle puff of air.

We were in and out within 2 mins.