2.5 year old gets very distressed at doctors - nasal flu vaccine!

[TeaPlzx]

Hi All,

Not too sure what I'm hoping for here, maybe just some words of support from anyone who has been through similar?
I've not long got home from taking my 2.5 year old son to the doctors to see a nurse for the nasal flu vaccine...long story short, we didn't manage to get it.

My son started sobbing with genuine fear once we were in the nurses office. The nurse suggested I bribe him, but videos on my phone, snacks, etc. didn't work. When he's genuinely scared, there's just no distracting him.
The nurse told me how the little girl who'd just been in before (I saw her, looked a little older, maybe 3/3.5 years) jumped on the nurses lap and was more than happy to have the vaccine. Telling a clearly stressed out Mum this, while she's holding her distressed son, just seemed more than unhelpful 😅

Anyway, in the end we left, because DS was just too worked up. As we got in the car he said "no like doctor, make sad". It's heartbreaking, but I also feel like a failiure that I've not managed to get my son the vaccine!

I guess I'm hoping another parent may say their child has reacted the same way? They've also been unable to get the vaccine? I'm not a total failiure and completely alone in this situation? 😭
Plus...any suggestions on how I could help ease my sons anxiety and upset around the doctors, would be great. Or do others think it's just something that will eventually pass?

Thanks in advance,

I do stand between my legs one wrapped round child to stop kicking, arm around body holding both arms tightly other hand holding head back against me to stop head butts. When you have children that need it there is no choice.....but we do try role play and practice with singing first.

I told him we'd be going to the doctors to see a nurse and I said exactly the same as you, she'll tickle your nose and then we'll go to the park afterwards and have a biscuit.
He immediately said "No like doctor, no tickle nose". I tried telling him the doctors and nurses are friendly and it'll be fun. He wasn't convinced. The only times he has ever been to the doctors has been for vaccines and once to have his ears looked at about 6 months ago (he hated that also). He's been to hospital once and although was upset, he was less distressed than he gets at our docs.

I think he automatically associates our doctors surgery and the words doctors/nurses with needles/vaccines/strangers touching him. I could book at another surgery, but I think trying again at our usual doctors and restraining may be the best solution.

Thanks for responding. Has this type of restraint worked for nasal vaccines, or only injections? I'm wondering if I'm better off requesting the injection, as holding his arms tightly still may be easier than his head.

Good luck op - you can do it!

It makes no difference....if you don't hold the head they head butts and knock your teeth out....your tilting the head back a bit anyway...but they may not sniff it in if they are screaming.

I think you're being a bit hopeful if you think that a 2yr old is going to willingly volunteer to have any sort of uncomfortable procedure, however much you explain or reason. As pp said, explain it's going to happen and you need to be clear that it's a done deal - and you should understand that too. A suitable reward afterwards usually ensures all is forgiven!

I understand what you're saying and had I had the support of the nurse, this probably would have worked out. After the comments here, I feel a bit more prepared that for future appointments I'll go in, prepped and ready to restrain.

Thank you 🤗

My DD’s the same and has been for several years, refused it at school but did manage to have it a couple of years ago, then refused again last year.
It’s given her sleepless nights worrying about it and she didn’t look forward to going back to school after the summer holidays because she knew the flu vaccine would be coming up.

This year she’s begged me to not make her have it, so I’ve not given consent on this occasion. Maybe that makes me ‘pathetic’ but I’m not going to see her filled with anxiety and unable to sleep over it. She knows the reasons for having the vaccine and is aware that she may get flu without it. She’s not had it yet though, neither has anyone else in the family.

So you’re not alone OP. I hope it goes well when you re book🤞

Agree with all others, dont let them know why they are going, be matter of fact, no chatting straight in, get them on your knee then before they know whats going on quickly pin arms, hold head back against your body (also saves you getting headbutted in the face) restrain and get it done.

You need to appear relaxed at all times as they do pick up on it if you are not.

I have even told a white lie and said mum needs to see the nurse for something and you need to come with me because dad is at work.

Have you explained that you can end up in hospital or worse with pneumonia and does she then understand the impact of this as well as risks of passing it on to vulnerable people including those who have yet to get sick....plus Covid and flu risk?

It sounds brutal but you just have to hold them down.

My son is non verbal autistic and frequently needs blood tests. It's horrendous. I end up pouring with sweat but we just have to restrain him. He is always hysterical. He's nearly 4 and very strong but ultimately we are stronger. He reverse headbutts constantly so I'm used to navigating that. I feel horrendous. But it needs to be done. I just try to think it's better than him being really poorly.

I'm sorry but it's the only way.

I think it’s a bit of an extreme reaction for such a young child to have - mine would have just about been aware it was a doctor’s surgery at that age. And he would have had no idea what was coming! Is there a reason why they are so terrified? I’d find a way to ease that fear - maybe some positive tv programs set in a doctors/ with a nurse?

This works so much better than pleading, offering rewards etc.
In & out in a couple of minutes, job done.

Agree with above @RememberedForAllTheWrongReasons & @thaegumathteth I give them daily and just no nonsense most sit fine but there’s no faffing in
ask questions then done, hold over arms and forehead one nostril, done second can be tricky just need the parent to persevere it’s over in seconds. I’ve had parents pleading and begging their children offering to buy half of toy shops etc. It doesn’t work with 2/3 year olds. It’s uncomfortable not sore, some children can really object due to sensory reasons and I can’t get my 11yo to take it and he’s too big for me to restrain - asd he’s happy to have the jab for it.

Based on the comments here, it seems it's quite common for toddlers to be unhappy and unwilling to cooperate at the doctors (lots of parents saying they restrain their child). My son's certainly aware of the building being the doctors surgery.
Perhaps because he's only ever been to the doctors for vaccines and/or when something's "wrong", eg. he's hurt/unwell, so there's a negative correlation? Certainly will try introducing some positive roleplays/games/shows around Doctors, even if it doesn't offer much help, it can't do any harm!

The difficulty is, he's already upset as soon as we arrive. I try and turn up as close to our apt time as possible, so we aren't hanging around in the waiting area too long. While in the waiting room, he asks to leave/go outside/go home. By the time we get into the Dr/Nurses office, he's struggling and visibly upset, crying and snotty.
Today was particularly difficult because the nurse wasn't very understanding or offering any advice/suggestions. She also wasn't willing to attempt to administer the vaccine while he was crying, so I'm not sure what I could have done. Even if I'd struggled and restrained him as best I could, I don't think the nurse would have even attempted... perhaps with another nurse I'll have a completely different experience.

DD is like this in medical situations. Really uncooperative and hysterically scared. It’s very hard to deal with. My advice would be to master the hold described by PP asap. We had to get her to take medicine in hospital once- I had to hold her similar to how PP have described and a nurse put the medicine in her mouth and held her chin up (so she couldn’t spit it back out). The nurse had skills!! She was working on a childrens ward so had had loads of practice. It’s incredibly frustrating. you can’t reason with a hysterical 2 year old. She’s now 6 and still freaks out but will now let me hold her still at hospital. She still has her ‘I sat still for my X-ray’ sticker and we joke about how they didn’t have a ‘I freaked out and screamed while mummy held me down for my x-ray’ sticker!

When my DD had just turned 4 in autumn 2020 we went to get her flu spray. I wasn't worried - she'd always been totally fine about it up until this point and had a couple of other unpleasant medical things done, no problem. However, what I hadn't considered was that since then she had undergone probably around 10 PCR tests (she is a child who spikes a temperature very easily!) and found the PCRs quite an upsetting experience.

Due to the Covid situation at the time flu sprays for non-school age children were being done at a drive through place - you wind the window down, they lean in and do the spray, job done. Except my normally sweet natured, gentle 4 year old completely panicked and went feral as soon as he approached her nose - screaming and lashing her arms around and almost trying to headbutt the poor man. I had to climb into the back seat, and restrain her in her car seat while offering her every bribe I could think of. We did eventually get it in, but it was absolutely horrible and I felt awful doing it to her.

Good luck when you go back - it might be horrible at the time but make sure you treat yourself to the reward as well as him! And if it helps my DD is now 6 and had hers at school last week no bother, only just remembered it and mentioned it today! Her 2.5 year old brother is having his next week, at least we don't have to do it in the back of a car!

I'm sorry you had to go through that experience. Thank you though, it really does help knowing I'm not the only one who is/has experienced this. Hope all goes well for your 2.5 year old next week!

Poor soul, they just don’t understand what’s going on. You can’t rationalise it with them as they don’t understand. I would just have you hold him and do it then be kind and reassure constantly it’s so hard. Usually 2/3 is the most difficult age the 4 year olds seem to be better but I had a child kicking me on Sunday so not always.

perhaps you could go back in another few weeks or just miss this year if he’s that upset and traumatised by it all. I’m paeds trained so am used to upset and distraught children I don’t want to make things worse for anyone. It’s just weighing up if the vaccine is worth the upset he might be better next year which means going into school he’ll get it with his peers fine. Or forcing it this year might put him off further. Difficult op

Until reading these comments I had never even heard of/thought of the restraint hold everyone has mentioned, I'm definitely going to try it and get that mastered. I only wish the nurse had suggested/mentioned doing something similar, I felt at such a loss stood there like a plum while my DS was hysterical. You are right, it's very hard to dealt with.
I think sometimes people don't realise quite the extent of how distressed and upset some young children get in medical situations. I can honeslty say I have never seen him upset over anything like he was today.
Appreciate your response, thank you.

Is this something quite new? My children have never had a flu vaccine, is there a particular reason you need to have it ot is it compulsory for young children now?

I agree in principle with just getting on jabs in general but is this a fight worth having?

I appreciate your kind words and suggestions, thank you.

My Mum said we never had vaccines at this age when we were younger. I believe it's rrelatively new offering the flu vaccine to 2-3 year olds.

DS has had all previous vaccines and attended all HV appointments/check-ups etc. Our last visit to the Doctors was about 6 months back, he was fine in the waiting room, happy and laughing. He was playing and not at all worried. We had to see the Dr as he had a rash (turned out to be nothing) and the Dr tried to look in his ears, he hated it, cried, became hysterical and we left.
This was the first time we've been back since and just being in the building now gets him worked up, as soon as he saw the nurse it was game over, hysterical crying etc.

I feel it's important he gets the vaccine, but I'm also mindful (as @serenghetti2011 mentioned) I don't want to push this and make it even worse for the future. I will try anything and everything I can, but sometimes physically restraining them when they are THAT upset, isn't an option. It's too difficult for the nurse to administer, especially up the nose.