Teaching toddler non-binary pronouns without teaching gender stereotypes - help!

[Glycerinstrawberry]

My 3 year old is largely using sexed pronouns correctly, with the odd mistake, however two of her older cousins identify as non-binary and I'm really struggling how to explain their pronouns!

The family will want me to tell her that her cousins are neither boys nor girls, and thus use they/them, but my daughter can see that they are female and I don't want to be on her case correcting her when she's actually not making a linguistic mistake, it will upset her confidence and I feel like I'd be gaslighting her.

She knows the difference between boys and girls, I don't know how I can tell her they are neither without throwing that all into confusion and using stereotypes (which we avoid naturally).

Any tips? So far it's been largely avoided as she doesn't talk about them much, they are both early 20s but have not flown the nest and still come to all family things so it won't be an infrequent problem.

She can't get it. Like she can't get death at this age. If they don't get it, they have a real problem with reality. They have names, that would be good enough for a 3 year old.

Just explain that you are not a believer in the gender cult, she 3 for god sale, hopefully by the time she's 10, this will all be seen for the craziness it is.

3 year olds can get death, because it's real. They can understand very factually if their goldfish dies and is buried in the garden, and that the body of the goldfish can feed the flowers.

Yup. And when they momma or dad dies they will ask you when he/she is coming back. I don't have time for that. Educate yourself.

Thank god you have a grip on reality and will refuse to allow this ideology to be pushed onto an innocent child. Keep protecting her op at whatever cost.

It's not the same as respecting a religion, because religious people don't require that you actively partake in their religion and pretend you believe it too, which is what demanding user of pronouns is.

I'm a Christian, I don't insist that you talk about Jesus being the son of God if that's not what you believe. I'm fine with you thinking it's all a pile of nonsense. Because I don't want to compel your thoughts and actions. And that's the difference.

For the trans activists, only total capitulation will do.

No/thank/you

That's a very good analogy @zurala. I'm Christian also but one of my best friends is a complete non-believer. We respect each others views and opinions without forcing the other to state they believe something which they categorically don't.

Please protect her Op.

I cannot see this is a problem. If your 3 y o is in the room with them she will use their first names. She should get those first names right if they've changed.

If they are out of the room a 3 year old won't talk about them much. And most considerate people of whatever sex or gender will give them leeway, surely?

For what it's worth OP, you sound like a great mum who is doing what is best for her daughter. I'm glad you got plenty of reassurance on here to fight for your child's right to use appropriate language, and I really hope the cousins can respect your position as her parent and just let the child be. I also have a young daughter and it genuinely terrifies me what kind of society we are building for our young girls

Beanbagtrap u beauty

Ha. Well said.

I think a child could sort of understand it as a 'let's pretend' game.

As in 'Some children pretend to be a princess or a spaceman and want to be called Princess Esmerelda or Buzz Lightyear. A few grownups like pretend games too. So X is pretending not be a woman and Y is pretending not to be a man. They like this game so much that they get angry or sad if people won't join in the pretending.'

But 3 is still very young to understand why adults are playing these games, and I think it really would be much better if the adults concerned just chilled out. If they haven't detransitioned in a few years, then more sophisticated explanations can take place.

Very very well put.

Gosh poor children.

there are males and there are females

you cannot teach your child otherwise. All you can explain is that although child A is a boy, he sometimes feels like a girl.

but ultimately he is a boy

. I worry about our children

All you can explain is that although child A is a boy, he sometimes feels like a girl.

Maybe it's a bit easier with 'nonbinaries'. You could explain that the cousins are girls, but they don't think it matters if someone is a girl or boy. And that of course for a lot of things it doesn't, anyone can wear what they want and play whatever games they want.

You could explain that the cousins are girls, but they don't think it matters if someone is a girl or boy. And that of course for a lot of things it doesn't, anyone can wear what they want and play whatever games they want.

Well this would be very nice if it were about breaking gendered boundaries.

But these young women are removing their healthy breasts ffs.

It's infuriating. It's only the females who are mutilating their bodies and this is a female child.

If I were the OP I would not encourage going along with any of this.

Oh... sorry, I'd somehow missed the OPs later posts.
There's no good way to explain 'top surgery' to a small child.

I suddenly feel so so tired.

Oh... sorry, I'd somehow missed the OPs later posts.Sad
There's no good way to explain 'top surgery' to a small child.

You are right but we could start by removing the trans friendly language and call it what it is.

These are young women who are seeking double mastectomies to remove their healthy breasts because they have been led to believe that looking male is a pre-requisite of being a non gender conforming woman or girl.

My three year old refers to everyone as he/him. Even me, 2 minutes after talking about how he grew in my tummy and how I don't have a penis. Pronouns just aren't a thing for him.

Don't spend time with your cousins when you have your DD.

When my little one says something which isn't grammatically accurate, I never correct her directly I just repeat back what she has said using correct grammar. E.g DD says 'her is going to the party' and I will just reply 'she is going to the party, is she?'.

You could always apply this method to this situation just to show your family you respect their choices - but it is subtle enough not to confuse DC. Eg little one says - 'she is having fun!' and you just say 'they are aren't they!' Or just use the name - 'Sally is having fun, yes'. Might be a way around it - a token effort if you will.

I think that your family will just have to get over themselves. Your 3 year old is far too young to grasp this concept. Your family will just have to be happy with you using neutral pronouns. If they are unkind to you or your child because they don’t understand and rightfully so at the age of three then they are the ones that need to look deep within themselves. Not you or your child.

She's 3 bless her. The cousins should put aside any importance about their pronouns when interacting with her. It's ridiculous.

I don't see what's wrong with being factual - when cousin X was born, doctors and her parents thought she was a girl and she was called she. When she got to a certain age cousin x decided it was more comfortable to be called they, and to say they are not a girl or a boy but something in between.

Obviously don't tell her this because it's not factual at all. The real facts are that for many generations men thought they were superior to women and they set up all sorts of systems to make sure that they kept the power and and made women stay at home and do nothing other than look after them. Then we had a brief period where that seemed to be changing. This included making public spaces for women and having things like women only short lists. Some men didn't like that. They came up with new ways to keep the power for themselves by pretending to be women and being aggressive and violent to everyone who could see what they were really doing. Some women have not been able to see what's really happening and they're going along with it too. To keep this going, men need to make people pretend not to be the sex they were born - sex never changes. Some people (men and women) who are sad about their lives have decided that everything would be better if they were the opposite sex. All they can change is the outside of their body though and some of their hormones. Doing that doesn't make you like the opposite sex. But the powerful men pretend that it does so that more people will be more likely to think they are someone they're not. Your cousins don't know it yet because they have not thought it through properly, but they are helping those nasty men try and take away the rights from women which women fought really hard for. So they pretend they are not a boy/girl. They get angry when we won't pretend too and they might shout at us or say mean things.

At what age can she understand those actual facts? Until then I would not want her around her cousins tbh because there is areal danger that she will hear that women are not as good as men either directly or indirectly.