How do people manage to go to work or survive sleep regression? Nothing seems to work

[Almech]

I all, I'm looking for advice on how to currently survive what I think is my son's 4 month sleep regression. I'm having to keep taking time off work to support my wife at home as he has simply become impossible to put down.

Up until three weeks ago he was swaddled and slept through the night no problem. Then he learned to roll over. Just did it one day, no time to build in a transition from swaddle to sleep sack so we went cold turkey. It was hard but he would do a couple of hours before waking, then take a an hour or so to get back to sleep. Manageable.

Then things got worse and the time he would stay asleep began to shrink rapidly. We were also told he was teething and he's just learned to sit up unsupported so is probably having a mental leap too.

He's been sleeping on my wife during the day since day dot because our health visitor told us that he wouldn't nap by himself until four months plus and he slept at night so we didn't see a problem.

We've had a bedtime routine for months that hasn't changed, always play white noise at night, bath etc.

Admittedly we fed to sleep but again, it never proved a problem until now.

He now will not be put down in his bed, at all. He screams. I spent an hour last night trying the pick up and put down method to no avail. He doesn't really take a dummy and even if we manage to get him down asleep it only lasts 20 mins maximum before he wake and screams again.

Reading a million and one posts about how it will get better but he won't self sooth and I have no idea how to tie this in with going to work. To get through the night we're having to shift sleep with him on one of us, which means that person can't sleep.

He needs to self settle but none of the methods we have tried have worked.

No evidence really of reflux and he's breastfed consistently through the day and gets plenty of naps.

At a complete loss as I've got to go back to work on Monday but at this rate, I will have to call in sick again as he won't have slept in his bed.

Health visitor was no use, just told us to put him down drowsy but awake and that's failed everytime we've tried it. Tring ti get a sleep consultant but they're not available until the next week.

Anyone been through this and made it through?

Sleep training... Get a book. I used Precious Little Sleep ebook, very quick and easy to read.

Sorry didn't mean to sound flippant, you may already have a book, was just breastfeeding and typing quickly. I find reading a full book gives a lot of extra info and context I didn't find online, so if you haven't purchased a sleep training book I'd recommend that one.

Caffeine and sugar.

I can’t answer re work, but I can tell you the easiest way through it is acceptance.

Constantly trying to problem solve will only lead to more annoyance on everyone’s part when it doesn’t come right in the designated time.

It’s absolutely shit, I know. I’m on baby #4 and dreading this bloody 4 month regression. But acceptance is key.

This too shall pass, and then it’s done.

Red Bull and carbs.
Those massive flapjacks you get in motorway services work well.

Agree with caffeine, and naps where possible

You say he needs to self settle, but it's not really something you can make happen. Some babies sleep brilliantly, some respond to sleep training and some won't. I agree with pp that acceptance is your best bet, plus knowing that they will grow out of it relatively soon. Can you try shifts of looking after the baby, so one does from 8-1 and the other does 1-6? Then you both get enough of a block that you will be able to function enough the next day? Not ideal, but doable in the short term.

MN is full of people who survived wakeful babies and managed to keep up jobs, looking after children and all their other obligations - don’t worry, you will get through it. It will feel shit but it won’t be forever, even though it feels like it at the time. Take each day at a time. Cut each other slack.

I say this from experience: nothing works. You just have to cope as well as you can. DH needed to function well at work so he slept in the spare room during the week then did his turn of crap sleep over the weekend. I would nap during the day with DS for one of his naps and always took him for a walk for one of the others so I could get a breather. I spent a lot of money in Costa.

I went to sleep when DH got home from work, got a couple of hours.
Anything from about midnight was my responsibility. DH slept from 12-6 if at all possible. I also spent most of my weekends sleeping or feeding.
But DS thought sleep was for the weak, and didn't sleep for more than 2 hours at a time til well after his first birthday. You just have to find a way. 4 hours straight sleep was my magic "I can function on this". Try to find a chunk that long for both of you each night.

The alternative to try is co-sleeping.

Cosleeping is what we did. Mine woke multiple times a night from birth until well beyond first birthdays. Now preschoolers and solid sleepers thank goodness

Caffeine, co-sleeping and working the nights between us in shifts. We split nights roughly in half, and skew them in favour of whoever has a busy day the next day. We both work part-time though, which makes that easier.

Not popular on here, but a fair chuck of science behind it- wean him.

This.

Terrible sleep can last years. It's incredibly hard, but you kind of get used to it, and just across that you'll feel exhausted for a very long time.

Assuming no health issues and good growth rate, I’m also one for sleep training. It worked brilliantly for my 3 DCs, and for those of all of my friends. People on here will say that some babies simply don’t respond to it, and no doubt that is true in some specific cases, but for the vast majority it does work. The key is to pick a method and to be 100% consistent for a week.

My friend set up a camp bed in her garage with duvets and an electric blanket etc and swapped about nights with her DH depending on the following days plans.
Sound bonkers, but they each got a full nights sleep on a regular basis.

My son didn't self soothe as a baby. He was rocked and patted and I can't even remember when I stopped doing that?!

I co slept. Napped when he did through the day, DP took over once he was home from work. I would go have an hour if needed or a bath.
Weekends DP done the night times.

I’d say just accept it.

Fine to try sleep training or a book if you want though.

Do take time of work if needed. Maybe a day here and there if you can agree with work rather than a full week.

Do arrange some childcare / family visit / mothers help in daytime to allow you to catch up on sleep.

Do sleep in shifts eg you so 7pm till12am, 12-5, 6-8

Co-sleeping is the only thing that worked for me.

And as very wise pp’s have said - fighting it does nothing except make you upset when nothing works. He doesn’t, for some reason, want to sleep alone atm. So you kind of do just have to suck it up.

Make sure you get a good chunk of sleep during the week so you can work, and then Friday and Saturday make sure your wife gets enough sleep to catch up.

If you do try sleep training you have to be completely consistent, because they second you stop you have to start all over. Dd was older when I sleep trained (18 months) but it was three hellish days and she’s slept through ever since. She’s 6 now!

It does get better! Keep reminding yourself that when it awful. This will be a distant memory at some point in the future.

Fried breakfasts, coffee and going to bed at 7.30. Mine never had a sleep regression; they were like that from birth.

You get used to it. Should stop by about 3 or 4. 4 months is still tiny.

There's no magic answer in a book or a technique (and we tried everything). Some babies are just like that. Set things up for safe co sleeping and don't sit on the sofa when you're knackered with the baby. Nap in the day. If she can't nap, lie down and rest.

Split the nights. If you're both home from 7 pm till 7 Am then you can both sleep 6 hours in shifts. You won't see each other during the week but you can make up for that in tge weekend. Sleep is more important.

DH used to look after baby from 8pm ish til 11ish and I’d go to bed early. He would do a formula feed around 11 and then hopefully that would take them through til 1/2ish and I’d do breastfeeds overnight and early morning. Anything after 6.30ish am I’d feed and hand over to DH so I could get an hour or so extra sleep before he went to work

It is brutal. If ever I feel broody about having a DC3 I remind myself of those times and how exhausting it is and how much I enjoy a full nights sleep.

We are going through similar st the moment. It is very hard. I don’t know your situation but make sure you keep supporting your wife as much as you can. It is so hard working on top of this but energy drinks and coffee do help (awful advice I know)

Sleep training. When I lived in the US everyone did it at 4 months because you’d both be back at work then. It works and quickly if you go down the Ferber route.