How do people manage to go to work or survive sleep regression? Nothing seems to work

[Almech]

I all, I'm looking for advice on how to currently survive what I think is my son's 4 month sleep regression. I'm having to keep taking time off work to support my wife at home as he has simply become impossible to put down.

Up until three weeks ago he was swaddled and slept through the night no problem. Then he learned to roll over. Just did it one day, no time to build in a transition from swaddle to sleep sack so we went cold turkey. It was hard but he would do a couple of hours before waking, then take a an hour or so to get back to sleep. Manageable.

Then things got worse and the time he would stay asleep began to shrink rapidly. We were also told he was teething and he's just learned to sit up unsupported so is probably having a mental leap too.

He's been sleeping on my wife during the day since day dot because our health visitor told us that he wouldn't nap by himself until four months plus and he slept at night so we didn't see a problem.

We've had a bedtime routine for months that hasn't changed, always play white noise at night, bath etc.

Admittedly we fed to sleep but again, it never proved a problem until now.

He now will not be put down in his bed, at all. He screams. I spent an hour last night trying the pick up and put down method to no avail. He doesn't really take a dummy and even if we manage to get him down asleep it only lasts 20 mins maximum before he wake and screams again.

Reading a million and one posts about how it will get better but he won't self sooth and I have no idea how to tie this in with going to work. To get through the night we're having to shift sleep with him on one of us, which means that person can't sleep.

He needs to self settle but none of the methods we have tried have worked.

No evidence really of reflux and he's breastfed consistently through the day and gets plenty of naps.

At a complete loss as I've got to go back to work on Monday but at this rate, I will have to call in sick again as he won't have slept in his bed.

Health visitor was no use, just told us to put him down drowsy but awake and that's failed everytime we've tried it. Tring ti get a sleep consultant but they're not available until the next week.

Anyone been through this and made it through?

Honestly it will get better. Like others have said the only thing that often works is time. Also you said he slept fine when swaddled could he be too cold or something like that. Many parents are so terrified of overheating that they go the opposite way. Also one of mine hated sleep sacs and slept much better with blankets. You will get through it but it's a horrible time as it sucks the joy out of everything

I'm going through the same thing. No advice really but co sleeping helps a bit. And that is something I really did not want to do but needs must for now. My little one was swaddled too and struggles without. We recently bought a sleeping bag called love to swaddle which covers up their arms and hands but still allows free movement...it helps a little. They are pricey at 35 quid though.

Co sleep for sure.

4 months is still so little. I honestly think he just needs time. I couldn't do cio sleep training so we did sleep stacking. He was always rocked to sleep. So we introduced patting and slowly stopped the rocking. We then did patting while lying in his cot. The patting for lighter and lighter until we could put him in and not need to pat. It's not a quick process but it worked for us. He now goes into his cot and of to sleep no bother. He does still wake up at night maybe 3 out of 7 nights but a quick cuddle/pat on the bum and he goes off to sleep again. I'm not a fan of leaving him to cry so felt this was a good compromise.

Co-sleeping!

Urgh dated health visitors with their stupid drowsy shit.....
Tell yourself it will pass and learn about safe 7 and co sleeping.
Parents have all these issues because they go against biological norms.
I breed a tonne of different animals and never have I ever passed them a book about bloody sleep training!
Look at monkeys..... Remind yourself we come from monkeys.... Copy their parenting.... Hey presto everyone sleeps!

Also every psychologist since Bolty agrees children CANNOT self soothe till 4 years old. They cannot regulate emotions.
The sleep training stuff is just a money maker!
Plenty of studies looking at cortisol levels during sleep training. Even when the babies stop crying they have even HIGHER cortisol levels with sleep training.
4 months is so little!
Try co sleeping!

It’s hard. My 2 year old still wakes most nights. I’m permanently tired.
like others have said, you just get used to it.

Sleep training works on the vast majority of babies and is life-transforming in a situation like this. It's good for the babies as well as the parents as it means they get proper rest and they get happy rested parents. Two or three nights with some crying is so so worth it for everyone. Hang in there another month or so then do controlled crying OP. It will transform his naps so he naps in the cot as well.
Everyone always says co-sleep and that does work for some people (I am currently co-sleeping with my second) but some babies/kids are impossible to bedshare with (I couldn't co-sleep with my first as he was constantly itching, writhing and too hot when in with me). Plus the OP has already said they don't sleep when their son is with them in bed.

I would try to get him going down in his cot for the day naps. If he's only sleeping in arms then he is not learning to settle in his cot. The snug embrace of the wrap is gone and it feels awful to him. But you can get him used to it without losing your mind.

We went to a sleep school and this is the technique they used. Make sure he's tired, fed and changed, so you know he's not crying for any of that, then lie him down, rolled into his side a bit and held firmly. Go shhh shh shh and gently pat his bottom or thigh. Set a timer on your phone and time how long it takes him to get to sleep.

If he or you get too distressed, pick him up and rock him to sleep. Try again the next put down.

If he goes to sleep like that Write down how long it takes each time. First time it might be 30 Mins, second time 20 mins. So you will see improvement.

If it goes up to an hour then pick him up and rock him to sleep. Then try again the next put down.

The key thing is consistency, having a plan like this and both sticking to it. Do it for night time wake ups as well. Feed, change, straight back down.

Get into a comfy position , put a podcast on in an ear pod and accept that you will sit there for 1 hour max and he will eventually go to sleep.

If he learns to go off like that in his own cot then everything might improve. Good luck. Sleep deprivation is torture.

You need to use the same method for all sleeps and not feed to sleep anymore.

It's tough

Is there anywhere else you could sleep while your wife co-sleeps with the baby? That's the way that's worked for us with each baby.

Agree the sleep consultation thing is a money maker. Imagine how much parents would pay for a magic answer!

I have a 6mth old and we also hit a 4mth sleep regression.... For us, i realised the night waking was simply because she wasn't getting enough from me..she was simply hungry!! We moved over to combined feeding (boob & bottle) and at 5 mths, started introducing a little bit of puree food during the day. Her sleep has MASSIVELY improved....still wakes up once for a little feed during the night but overall is a much more contented baby.

Agree that acceptance is key. Also lots of fluids, lots of food that's full of energy - should be healthy but tbh I ate a whole box of heroes one night to keep me awake!

My youngest self sooted from day one, I was amazed. My eldest didn't until he was well into toddlerhood.

I don't know how we survived tbh although I was early 20s with the eldest which helped. I'm not sure I'd cope so well now! Dh used to take over from 530am so I'd get 1.5/2 hours sleep then and I usually managed snatched 1/2 hours the rest of the time.

I don't think you taking time off is really helping is it? Surely it's just causing more stress?

We did something similar.

So much of exhaustion for me was the anxiety of never knowing how much sleep you would get and when. It helped to divide up the evening so I knew at a minimum I would be able to sleep at certain times. DH had guaranteed sleep between 12-6:30, but otherwise I could sleep. I'd go to sleep with the baby at 8pm, get at least 4 hours that way. And then even if I was up all night I would have an hour catch up sleep before DH left for work. We both had enough to function but life was not a lot of fun.

It will pass. If he's been a good sleeper in the past he probably will do it again. Try not to panic, just survive it one day at a time.

Are you sure he's not cold & feeling no contact?!?
He's sleeping on someone during day then was swaddled at night.
Either wrap him warmer or co sleep

Ahhh a Velcro baby. My Dd was like this slept like a angel but bang sleep regression and I was ready to peel eyes out. Sleep in shifts.

The really unnerving thing is once your baby is over the sleep regression they will go back to being a little angel sleep wise. Honestly the first night my Dd did this I thought she had died.

I was googling will the sleep regression ever end and it does until the next.

If it helps my Dd sleeps brilliantly now, and napped until she was 3. A sleeping baby is pot luck - can't do much about it.

Regressions make babies anxious, separation axienty is a thing but funnily enough the more your baby knows you will respond the quicker your baby will get past it (said by my Brillant hv)

Anyone who says put the baby drozy but awake in a sleep regression deserves to step on a rusty nail.

Caffeine, don't obsess, it will end. I also feed on demand, cuddles to sleep with both my children- Dd Velcro baby DS dream baby sleep wise. So don't worry while they are so little about creating bad habits.

Just do what you need to do to survive.

Cosleeping is a game changer.

I coslept with DD1 and hubby slept in the spare room from 6/7 months onwards.

The only regret I have is that I didn't do it sooner.

She's 20 months now and sleeps like a dream in her own bed. I miss the cuddles.

Do what youhave to do, don't worry about breaking rules or future problems.
There's nothing magic about 4 months or 7 months or a year.

What worked for us was the baby slept with me and DH slept in spare room while I was on mat leave. When I went back to work we alternated so at least we all got some sleep some of the time. If it meant going to bed at 7 or 8pm then that's what I did.

You need to look after the baby from when you get home from work, let your wife sleep, then swap over so you get a good nights sleep. If your wife is on maternity leave then it’s unacceptable that you take time off work for this reason. It’s hard the first year, you won’t be the only half asleep Dad at work, but taking time off is not the answer.

It's awful. Mine has been a long term bad sleeper and I ended up off work with MH issues for a while, but tbh I suspect it was at least partly due to lack of sleep.

Practically: either sleep training or co-sleeping (one of you in a double bed with baby, the other on their own was what worked for us).

With both babies I co-slept as I was breastfeeding and could sleep as they fed. DH slept in the guest room or the sofa. If that doesn't work or your wife doesn't want to co-sleep then I would do sleep training using a book or a sleep consultant if you have the money.

Thanks for all the responses.

We decided to try co-sleeping but even that didn't work. He woke every 10 mins or so, looking for a feed and if he didn't get one, immediately began to cry. Not even grizzling, full blown tears that needed consoling. Get him back down, rinse repeat.

We're really at our wits end as co-sleeping is the one thing we never wanted to do, we've now done it and it still hasn't worked.

My first woke every hour until she was 3, my second the same but still wakes 3-4 times a night at 3 and a half. We both work full time, dh works 40 hours a week, I work 50-60. To a certain extent you get used to it.

You go to bed early to maximise sleep, you drink coffee, eat sugar, pray that tonight might be the turning point.