Can't be a parent anymore

[3nough]

I've just had enough!!

DD 2.5 has just finished me off and I can't do it any more. She hits me, kicks me, scratches me all day, she runs off, writes on walls and throws and breaks everything, she doesn't sleep, she has never slept, I haven't had a full night sleep in 2 years.

It's after 2 am, she awake still, I'm awake still. I have work tomorrow, I'm failing at my job because I'm so fucking tired but apparently that's not an excuse, I just have to keep fucking going.

H is fucking useless, she wakes up screaming, yet he can't deal with it ans has to drive for a job so it's down to me. Conveniently he doesn't hear her on thw weekends as apparently as a man he's not programed to. But even if he did hear her, it's my fault she is like this as I cuddles her too much as a baby.
He does all the housework now and cooking as she is too much for him to deal with, I tell him I'm struggling, he shouts at me and tells me I'm being stupid.
I have no family, mum passed away. MIL tells me I need to deal with it. Spoke to HV and she said it's normal toddler behaviour and not much to be done, just need to ignore her.

I'm done!!! I'm broken. I love my little girl to bits but she's destroying me and I don't know what to do.

Oh it’s such a hard stage. It’s relentless and the added sleep deprivation makes it even harder to handle. No real answers really, particularly with the sleep. My youngest is now three and still doesn’t sleep. Tonight she is and guess what?! I’m wide awake as I’m programmed to be awake now. It’s exhausting.

does she go to nursery? Could you plan a day to something for you when she’s next in? Don’t give DH the choice- make a plan or even night away at the weekend. Let him take over.

don’t feel guilty for feeling like this either, parenting is the toughest job in the world

She goes nursery when I'm at work, it's literally either work or looking after her no inbetween.

I could t go away and leave him with her. I would never hear the end of it, it's just not worth the hassle

I’m so sorry you’re struggling. Someone once told me they’re savages at this age and it’s true!

Have a look at big little feelings on Instagram, I was recommended it on here about a year ago and everything I’ve tried from there has worked wonders. They recommend things like immediate, relevant punishments “If you throw X, mummy will take it away.” “Right ok you are having a hard time not throwing X, mummy is taking it away now” and then you hold that boundary through the tantrum. They will hate it at first but really quickly learn you mean business.

They’re probably worse because they’re shattered. Being up until 2am is not normal toddler behaviour bless you. What are you doing to settle them for bed and get them to sleep?

Your H sounds horrible, there are two of you and you need to be a team. Cuddling a baby does not make them wild!

It's a hard age and I'm sure having a husband who doesnt help with her is unhelpful as I would feel really resentful as well as being super stressed and exhausted. Honestly someone shouting at you that you're being stupid about struggling when they do fuck all as they can't deal with it doesn't sound like a nice man. Have you been honest with him about just how much you are struggling?

Look up 1 w 3 magic. It was something we followed from DS being a similar age and worked a treat. Have to give it time to get established though

Sorry that should say "1 2 3 magic"

I tell him and he thinks I'm being dramatic.

I put her to bed at 7, she woke at 8, sleep again till 10 then woke up screaming hysterically, went near her and she pinched, bit and hit me. Calmed her down about 45 mins later and since then I've tried car, books, low songs, rocking, her bed, my bed and she's still just sat there singing.

So sorry, Op. I think you need to talk to your GP and your HV urgently to access some support/help. I am really sorry your partner has opted out of parenting. My now 16 yr old sleeps for England, but for the first 3 years of his life he slept so badly and I ended up feeling desperate and resentful. I was fortunate enough to have an incredibly supportive partner.

Have you tried just letting her cry it out? Does she have a dummy? Could she be teething?

Sending strength and mother love to you.

She is teething, but she hasn't slept some she's been born, tonight's just extreme but ita not the first time I've had a night like it.

Other kids don't hit their parents and stay up all night and break everything, it must be me, I must be such a bad parent for my child to be like this.

So sorry you're at your wits end. Like another poster said, please contact your HV visitor or GP for advice about the hitting and biting. Does she do this at nursery? Your husband sounds terribly selfish allowing you to suffer with it like this.

You're not a bad parent at all!

No she's well behaved at nursery. Another child hit her today at swimming and she never even retaliated.
I did speak to the HV today she said it's normal for a 2 year old and to ignore the behaviour

I am not sure this is normal toddler behavior.

DS was (and is) very hard work, more than any of my friends experienced, but nothing like this. DD (this age now) is easy by comparison.

Speak to GP, ideally a female one who has kids as young male gp's are a bit hit and miss in this area.

it must be me, I must be such a bad parent for my child to be like this

No, absolutely not.

It's case for a lot of children that are 'well behaved' in structured settings and not at home, not a reflection on you at all. Is she happy enough when she wakes up? If she's singing I would leave her to it tbh.

It often means your a brilliant parent op.for the very fact she can and does show this side of her.remember how we are as adults,we can paint a mask on for work or going out.but to those we feel safest with we can crumble,often shout or let ourselves be vulnerable with the people we love the most.
witnessing her dad acting like a prick won’t be helping.
mid she loving towards you when not in fit mode?how is your relationship?
do you want to stay with your dp?
speak to your hv or gp again.she might not have been paying enough attention to what your actually saying here.which is HELPme I’m not coping.you need to tell them this explicitly.

"H is fucking useless, she wakes up screaming, yet he can't deal with it ans has to drive for a job so it's down to me. Conveniently he doesn't hear her on thw weekends as apparently as a man he's not programed to. But even if he did hear her, it's my fault she is like this as I cuddles her too much as a baby.
He does all the housework now and cooking as she is too much for him to deal with, I tell him I'm struggling, he shouts at me and tells me I'm being stupid."

I wonder if her aggression is an expression of the conflict between your H and you about dealing with her. And an expression to you, with whom she is securely attached, of her anger and grief at how her father has just opted out. She must know it is always you who tends to her, so she cannot be very securely bonded with H. She must know that H cant dealwith her, because he never does.

Try to access some therapy for YOU. Can you talk to work about how difficult things are?

And you are not a bad parent!!! You are up in the small hours consulting and worrying about a big problem with your family. Your H has probably been asleep for hours, after no real worries and a wank. Fucking selfish git.

You are a brilliant mum. The only parent who is at all crap in this situation is your H.

And cooking and housework are a walk in the park compared with caring for a toddler.

Sending support. One of mine was an awful sleeper and it was torture. You sound like a lovely parent. Wanted to point out that although your husband sounds like he is very unhelpful regarding parenting and supporting you, it is good that he IS cooking and doing housework. I think he should start to help on one of the nights he is not driving the next day, maybe using one of the strategies suggested.

Hope you can feel better soon. Is it possible to take your daughter to nursery and then take a day off sick to recover- if not tomorrow then soon?

At that age I know it's awful advice but does she have an iPad or tv? I used to give my child my phone or a spare phone and she used to watch blippi or bing and fall asleep. I know it's not great advice but I couldn't deal with the sleep deprivation anymore. Everything sorted itself out once she went to school.

Also try putting her to bed a bit later and then bring it backwards gradually once she gets into a habit. Why is she waking up? Hot or cold? Hungry? Uncomfortable?

I had a friend whose DC didn't sleep for approx 3 years. At one point the GP prescribed antihistamines to try and break the no-sleep cycle. Maybe something like that might help you both? If your child is over tired which is likely considering the lack of sleep their behaviour during the day will be far harder to manage/ I know my toddlers behaviour is directly linked to tiredness.
I give paracetamol before bed on particularly rough teething nights; or at the first/second wake-up. Teething powders at bed time too.

Why do you think she's waking up? Maybe you need to change something- if she's waking up hungry, maybe dinner needs to bigger/later/snack right before bed?
If she's cold, maybe a wearable blanket she can't kick off.
Also, is she sleeping in a cot or a toddler bed? Maybe having her sleep next to you, in your bed might ease any separation anxiety? I'd also suggest that when she wakes up, it's all very low key- no lights on, minimal, whispered talking- only what really needs to be said- consistent 'it's sleepy time, shh' or something similar. We've had similar issues with toddler not sleeping- ended up getting a double bed for their room so when they inevitably wake up one parent can just go lay next to them and both get some sleep, rather than battling the constant wake up/walk to room/settle/walk back on repeat.

Morning, she managed to get to sleep ar around 4.30, I've just got up and I'm so tired. I think I need to call work and tell them I just can't do it today.
I honestly think the waking is her teeth (back molars) as she will wake up and get upset in her bed or my bed.
She was never what you would call an easy baby, but then when she was around 1, up until a couple of months ago she was lovely then just turned over night. She is very attached to me and so loving when not hurting me, lots of kisses, cuddles and playing together or walks round the woods / Park, but I don't want to do that anymore as its embarrassing when she lashes out at me.
H and my relationship is strained at the moment, many due to how stressful her behaviour is, we get stressed at her behavior and then her behaviour is worse as we are stressed.
I just pray it's a short lived phase or her teeth and it will all be okay eventually

I can't just let her plauly or watch TV and go back to sleep as if she's awake, I have to be awake so she just wakes me up.

First of all, get anbesol liquid for the teething, its miracle stuff and will numb those gums immediately..

Secondly, if she's in bed singing but happy and not on a rampage just ignore her and try to sleep yourself. I know it's hard, my kids are 13, 11 & 10 and I still wake at every bed creak, but if shes not distressed you dont need to go into her.

Sleep deprivation is a killer. My youngest nursed every 1.5-2 hourly morning, noon and night for almost 2 years. Constant broken sleep is harder than shorter stretches of solid sleep.

DH needs to pick up the slack at weekends, no reason on a friday night he cant deal with her and you sleep with ear plugs in. I bet when she isnt getting Mummies attention all the time, she'll suddenly sleep better.

As for her other behaviour, sadly toddlers can be absolute terrors. It does get better, but I would still appeal to your HV again for support.