Can't be a parent anymore

[3nough]

I've just had enough!!

DD 2.5 has just finished me off and I can't do it any more. She hits me, kicks me, scratches me all day, she runs off, writes on walls and throws and breaks everything, she doesn't sleep, she has never slept, I haven't had a full night sleep in 2 years.

It's after 2 am, she awake still, I'm awake still. I have work tomorrow, I'm failing at my job because I'm so fucking tired but apparently that's not an excuse, I just have to keep fucking going.

H is fucking useless, she wakes up screaming, yet he can't deal with it ans has to drive for a job so it's down to me. Conveniently he doesn't hear her on thw weekends as apparently as a man he's not programed to. But even if he did hear her, it's my fault she is like this as I cuddles her too much as a baby.
He does all the housework now and cooking as she is too much for him to deal with, I tell him I'm struggling, he shouts at me and tells me I'm being stupid.
I have no family, mum passed away. MIL tells me I need to deal with it. Spoke to HV and she said it's normal toddler behaviour and not much to be done, just need to ignore her.

I'm done!!! I'm broken. I love my little girl to bits but she's destroying me and I don't know what to do.

H overslept this morning, I've just gone down stairs and he asked me what the matter is 🤨. When I told him that DD did not gi to bed till 4.30am, his response was, well she's going to have to learn.
I mean what the actual F, response is that. No ill give you a break on the weekend or I'll have her when I'm back from work, never would occur to him!!
And if I ask..... it will be either, well I have to drive for work.... you work from home any way....... you only work part time...... I deserve time for me.......she responds better to you...... I'm just a shit dad.......my dad never did it for us. I don't know which one I find more frustrating atm!!!

You could be describing me when my daughter was that age. It was hell. The difference was my ah stepped up and helped. When we were home together we were a team and actually it helped her as well as both of us.

Mine is about to turn 11 but for the first three years she was a non sleeping, screaming, violent, ball of fury. She's now a hormonal ball of emotion but she talks to me and we have a fantastic relationship.

Everything changed properly when she went to school. Which I know feels a long way away for you.

You need to get your partner to step up and share the parenting load. Cuddling her as a baby didn't do this, it's just him the range of toddler behaviour. If he doesn't have your back you'll resent him.

Do you have a spare room? Can you just con sleep with her and leave him to his selfish ways? Or get him to sleep on the sofa and she in with you? He sounds like an arse

He does sleep on the sofa, he says because he doesn't want to disturb DD when he goes to bed or gets up for work 😡

You sound like a bit of a martyr. If her behaviour at nursery is fine, then what you’re describing as a demon child at home is quite odd. Someone gave you a helpful suggestion of a method to follow and you haven’t even responded. I think you just want to rail against your life, which is fine but it’s all a bit exaggerated. To say your DD has never slept is quite extreme.

Exaggerated!!!!! 2 hours sleep, scratches all down my face and bruising to my arms and hands!!!!! Yup exaggerated.
Yes I haven't responded to some posts but when my child is on one, I've had no sleep and literally on the verge of a breakdown then I'm sorry I may of missed a few posts!!
To everyone else thankyou so much you really helped get through the night. I feel calmer today and will speak again to HV and maybe GP, make sure there is nothing more going on with DD and maybe also something for myself.

Or she’s catastrophising because she’s had little sleep over the last few weeks. After a while lack of sleep will affect you.

It might be worth trying cosleeping, going to bed when she does. The behaviour can be the lack of sleep to a large extent. DS was like this from 2-4, it was horrible and stbxh was less then useless as he wouldn't stop stirring him up before bed. Then I'd spend 3 hours trying to get a hyperactive toddler to sleep while being kicked and headbutted. I ended up putting a mattress on the floor of DS room, didn't stop him waking but he went back to sleep quicker with me there. Slowly over time he got more sleep and the behaviour eased, though bedtime and early waking and afternoon meltdowns were still an ongoing problem for a couple more years, but nothing like that period. It did turn out he's Autistic, but the worst of the behaviour was largely him being completely exhausted, but the exhaustion made him hyper and the problem just compounded itself.

If you have a good GP I'd talk to them, I don't know if something like melatonin could be an option. When my DC were going through a bad patch with teething and waking an hour after falling asleep, which seemed to be the thing with tooth pain, I'd give them Panadol and use baby safe mouth numbing gel from the chemist. I hope you find something that helps soon, sleep deprivation is horrendous.

Op this was me 13 years ago. DS did not sleep for 3 years and I was so sleep deprived I was hallucinating. He was completely unable to fall asleep and it got to the stage that if he was crawling and fell asleep on the floor we didn't dare touch him and stepped over him and kept our fingers crossed he wouldn't wake up.

I ended up breaking down in front of the hv who referred us to the doctor. DS was prescribed melatonin which we called his "sleepy by" medicine and it completely saved my sanity. It broke the cycle and we were able to establish a good sleep routine eventually. He's now 15 and can sleep for Britain!

There's a very good reason that sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture! Would it be worth trying to speak to your gp? Be completely honest with them and explain you are worried for your mental health?

Op, your husband needs to be helping you. Yes, broken sleep is shit, but he needs to be dealing with her at least once at night so you both get a solid chunk of sleep. This cannot be left down to one parent when there are two of you in the house! Even if it means you need to be going to bed at 8pm and he deals with all night wakings and drama before 1am, then you get a solid 5 hrs, then switch over and he can sleep 1am until morning. Everything seems worse with no sleep, and I can't imagine how resentful this situation has made you. And on the weekend, just go out. Have a few hours to yourself, not just being mum,, and let him take over. He needs to spend one on one time with her to, one, realise how hard it is, and two, form a better bond with her so he can deal with her effectively and not leave it down to you 24/7. My youngest was a nightmare at that age, and to reassure you, she is now 6, and an absolute delight. I genuinely thought she had something wrong with her between the ages of 18months and 3, because she was like a wild animal and completely different to her big sister. She just mellowed out as she got a bit older, and is so lovely and kind and caring now. You'll get through this, but you need your DHs support and help.

It isn't actually odd at all. Nice to have no idea about these things. Not nice kicking a person whose struggling and down.

That should be I'd give them Panadol and use the gel before they went to sleep so they didn't wake an hour later.

It IS normal for a 2.5 year old. But that doesn't make it easier!

They will tell you that she is good at nursery because " she feels safe with you" ( like that helps)

Scream from the top of your lungs for some help. Mine was the same, although I managed because my husband is 50/50, if not I wouldn't have, ring in sick today?! .

Read read read....and I found a parenting course really really really helped! We are all awesome naturally of course, but that knowledge rooted in research helped me to changed my frame of mind about certain things, and understand things from DS point of view, and what is happening in his brain. This isnt it you know, ! It's a roller coaster...up, down, up, down until at least 5..and then the ups last a little longer and then all of a sudden you have a civilised human being. The other mums I met who were also clinging onto their sanity by their teeth helped also!

Mine is 6.5 now and turned into a proper human being this year. Is really rather normal by accounts. Has lots of hobbies, friends, and is a pleasure to be around. I promise you, at 3 you would have not thought that was going to happen 😂😂😂 Hang in there! It really does get better.

Not odd. Perfectly normal. It's called restraint syndrome.

Always check your knowledge before tearing somebody to bits. 🙄

I'm also not sure this is 'normal' for a toddler and bloody hell you do NOT sound like a martyr. Some people!

Your partner sounds useless and is contributing massively to the problem.

I don't have a solution for you but sending you a hug.

Oh do fuck off. What an unhelpful comment. Seriously, unless you've dealt with a child like this you haven't got a clue what "no sleep" really means.

OP, my son was like this, I had approximately an hour of sleep a night for 2.5 years. It nearly killed me. He was also on the go all day and never seemed to tire out. He's also have massive meltdowns and would hurt himself and me. I was already an experienced parent and this was something else. I thought I was going to die with exhaustion. My child turned out to be neurodivergent and that alongside the normal toddler hell was the issue. Once I was able to establish triggers and put strategies in place, things calmed. I'm not suggesting this is your child but I want to assure you it won't last forever. I'd definitely see if you can speak to a more helpful HV though. Sleep deprivation is awful

Oh I really feel for you. You are doing an amazing job coping with all this. You’ve had lots of good advice here, I just wanted to send support and say if I were you I’d book a night in a hotel this weekend and tell DH it’s happening and he is holding the fort. Then take a nice break and let him deal with it and see how hard it is. Might give him some appreciation!

I worked with toddlers for years and they can be absolute arseholes but I would say this isn’t typically normal behaviour especially if it is frequent…In my experience with children who were like this there was an underlying issue going on…try and speak to your GP.
You should have a frank conversation with your husband aswell it’s not fair for one person to bare the brunt of it all. Good luck OP

Can you afford an extra session for her in nursery when you aren't working so you can try and rest/nap/have a break?

Sorry your OH is being so shit

If your dh is like this anyway then what’s the harm in telling him he needs to look after dc this weekend and just walk out.
seems he can’t be much nastier to you.so just do it.get some peace and calm.
or if he’s like this now what are you with him for?
I think the fact she is usually so loving with you is a brilliant thing.it’s a bloody good base.
but the lack of care.love and interactions with her dad will be partly what’s causing her behaviour and her reactions to you!
she won’t understand why he doesn’t want to be with her.she won’t understand how he talks or acts in such ways to you,or her.she won’t then now how you should be or how to react to you.will you reject her too?

Thankyou so much everyone for support, was in a dark place last night, but I've slept all day today and feeling a lot more positive.
DD was wide awake this morning and apparently has only had an hour nap today, so will see how it goes tonight.

Hope it goes better tonight

Ended up calling 111 last night as she was hysterical for over an hour and wouldn't settle.
Doctor didn't think it was teeth as crying and screaming to that extent isn't normal with teeth. He said it sounds like night terrors. I was also thinking this but last night I left her with husband and went upstairs and she knew I had gone, she was shouting mummy and trying to get me. As far as I'm aware with night terrors they aren't aware of people around them.
Luckily she did settle eventually in my bed so I've had a good 5 hour stretch.
Think I'll take her to see her GP this week, not sure what they can do though.

Ask your health visitor to refer you to a parenting puzzle course - there should be a central HV advice line for your area so you don't need to speak to your HV if you don't want to.
Also I agree find big little feelings on Instagram or fb and read all their posts.

When she wakes up and lashes out is she awake or could she perhaps be still asleep? I'm wondering if she is having night terrors.

When she hits you or lashes out in the day how do you deal with it?

How much daytime sleep is she getting?

My DD is 2.5- she doesn't physically lash out but we get plenty of proper screaming tantrums. I either stay with her and hold her or offer to hold her hand or cuddle her until she calms down or if she's kicking off I will say "it is ok to be angry but it's not ok to scream at mummy" in a firm voice.