Don’t want MIL around my baby. **Content warning added by MNHQ: theme of abuse**

[NJT1993]

As shocking as this is, my MIL is currently dating (apparently engaged) to a man who recently was released from prison after serving time for sexually abusing his ex partners daughter - she was 11 at the time and the abuse happened monthly for over two years.
He admitted his guilt in court as he was caught admitting it during secret filming.
My MIL and grandma to our 8 month old little boy doesn’t seem phased by his horrific actions and has made the decision to move in with him now he has been released.
In my opinion she is clearly somewhat unstable if this is the partner she is choosing and I don’t trust either of them.
If you were in my position what would you do in terms of letting her see her grandson?
I know she hasn’t committed the offences but I feel she is complicit in his disgusting actions.
Any advice would be much appreciated, and legally where do I stand in terms of her not having access whilst she is with him?

No I wouldn’t let my child be around her either.

legally she doesn’t have any rights over a grandchild. So simply saying, sorry whilst you’re shacked up with a convicted child abuser then you won’t be having any access to my child.

Some people may make a compromise to let her see them at your house, without the partner. But personally I wouldn’t.

YANBU

This is my thoughts to be honest.
In my opinion you just never know who is watching them now he is out, and if they see her go into a house with my baby it could lead to all sorts of trouble.
As a mother, she should understand the instinct to protect your child.
I feel really sorry for my partner as he was really drawn the short straw when it comes to his mum but he is very understanding about how I feel.

your MIL clearly has no morals and if I were you I certainly wouldn’t want her near my child if she thinks being in a relationship with a peadophile is normal. I wonder what your partner thinks of this??

It would be a strict NO from me. Neither of them would be allowed near my child.

If she thinks it's perfectly fine she is not fit to be a grandmother and I would worry she is one herself which is more likely than you think prisons are full of paedophiles of all sexes

Had she been an involved GP with your DC up to this point?

I think he feels devastated that his mum has made this choice.
She has never been the best mum to him during his whole life so I think he is gutted but not surprised. She has a track record of choosing men over her children.

She has seen him 4 times, all very briefly and I have never ever let my LO out of my sight whilst she has been around.
She hasn’t seen him since August as I knew his release was imminent so I thought it was best to stop any contact.

If she's not involved much then it's a definitely a NO from me. If she was a loving, involved GP then I might consider supervised visits at your house on her own but if she's not involved then God no.

She has a track record of choosing men over her children

Well, because you and your DP are not allowing her to continue the pattern of abuse to the next generation, and quite rightly so! Sod her. You're under no obligation to go along with her poor choices.

She sounds like the kind of person who would argue that your DS would be quite safe with him as he only abuses little girls.

god no absolutely not!! I would not let her have him unsupervised ever.

I would also be wary if she says he isnt around etc, trust would be broken for me

I would let her see my child in my home, with me present at all times. I would have absolutely no contact ever with her partner.

no contact.
stick to that.
you've no obligation to her.

I would never allow her to see my child. Now or even in future even if she dumps this man.

Her history with your husband is enough, let alone the current circumstances.

She's made her choice. You have to make yours. So sad for your partner.

YANBU. No contact from me.

I’m curious - does she think he was falsely accused or something?
Who in their right mind couples up with a man who has spent time in jail for abusing an 11 yr old girl?
What the fuck is that?

It'd be a firm no from me to her having any access at all, ever. Her morals are clearly lacking if she's happy being with a paedophile. Your poor partner but you're doing the right thing.

Anyone that got involved with a pedo, knowingly, would be dead to me and that includes my immediate family.

This is a justifiable 'no contact' forever case.

For me it's not even a case of supervised contact - it would be a straight up - 'we're done, forever, even if you break up with him' because what kind of person gets together with a child rapist?

I would divorce my DH in a heartbeat if he didn't feel exactly the same way.

Absolutely not. She wouldn't see DC again.

The conversation about this needs to happen between your DP and his mum. If she asks to have contact, I might allow infrequent contact in your home, on the understanding that if she ever turns up with her partner they will both be refused entry and she will not see the baby again. Under no circumstances would she have any unsupervised contact with the baby, and I would check in with the police what the conditions of his release are. He must be on the sex offenders' register for life and presumably therefore has to remain at a distance from all children anyway?

Sometimes they come up with excuses for them like "well she looked much older" or "she was coming onto him, she pursued him and wouldn't give up" and other such shite

Another big no from me. What the hell is she thinking?

Unbelievable!
If I found out a friend had shacked up with a paedophile I'd ditch her in an instant.
How.... Just how could anyone find someone like that attractive? Unless there's something sick in you??

I wouldn't be able to look her in the face. Let alone be near my child.