Don’t want MIL around my baby. **Content warning added by MNHQ: theme of abuse**

[NJT1993]

As shocking as this is, my MIL is currently dating (apparently engaged) to a man who recently was released from prison after serving time for sexually abusing his ex partners daughter - she was 11 at the time and the abuse happened monthly for over two years.
He admitted his guilt in court as he was caught admitting it during secret filming.
My MIL and grandma to our 8 month old little boy doesn’t seem phased by his horrific actions and has made the decision to move in with him now he has been released.
In my opinion she is clearly somewhat unstable if this is the partner she is choosing and I don’t trust either of them.
If you were in my position what would you do in terms of letting her see her grandson?
I know she hasn’t committed the offences but I feel she is complicit in his disgusting actions.
Any advice would be much appreciated, and legally where do I stand in terms of her not having access whilst she is with him?

I would keep them both away from my DC and no photos or anything like that, lock your social media down and be very vigilant when your DS is eventually left at a child minders/ nursery etc. I would make it very clear to anyone who babysits him as well that they are not to engage with your MiL or her boyfriend.

I would also try and support your DH as much as possible as this must be really hard on him and be bringing up some painful memories.

You're doing absolutely the right thing by keeping her away from your family, OP - your son has one main line of protection against the world and that's you and his Dad. Her feelings don't matter one teeny tiny bit compared to your duty to him.
When your son grows up and eventually learns about the type of person your MIL is (not just who she chooses to have in her life - her choice is indicative of her morals) he'll know you put him first and protected him. Holding onto that thought as he grows up and asks about his nana will help you to hold strong.

Your MIL sounds like a piece of shit, frankly, and I don't know what she could contribute to any of your lives. You sound great. XXX

It'd be a hard no from me and I'd have no problem telling her why either.

Thankyou everyone for your supportive messages.
All I want is to look after my little boy and as guilty as I feel on my partner, as she will always be his mum, my sons safety and well being comes first before everything and everyone always.
She is just completely deluded and honestly, if it meant keeping a man in her life I think she would probably stoop to some horrendous lows.
I am also extremely concerned that he will definitely be getting assessed and having checks ups now he is on the register, and if they mention my little boy and seeing him etc then god knows what could happen.
Does anyone know if this is worth mentioning to the Health Visitor so I’ve got proof I’ve flagged something about this?
x

I would imagine you will be having contact with someone from child services to advise you. Just incase you weren’t aware of the nature of his conviction. I’m surprised that hasn’t already happened.

As long as you act protectively towards your child and demonstrate awareness of the risks, nothing will happen.

No Grandmother is better than this grandmother. Never, ever would see lay eyes on my child again. And absolutely no social media either.

Utterly disgusting, I wouldn’t let MIL anywhere near my child!

She never ever has contact with you or the DC. At least that would be my decision.

Just read OP again and seen that she's moving in with him. Yuk honestly is she desperate or what? Does she have other grandchildren that she sees?

You sound like a great mum. If it was me, I would probably mention it to the health visitor and say she definitely isn't allowed to see him. Hope it all goes well for you.

never in a million years would she be around my kid

stick to your boundaries on this one x

This without a doubt. I couldn’t even breathe the same air as my MIL if this ever happened let alone let her near my kids.

Beggars belief isn't it. LTB because your husband can be a bit of a lazy arse, or yelled at you once, or even punched a wall. But Granny shacked up with a child rapist and let's find a compromise.

FML