Police called after daughters meltdown

[Worriedmumnov]

I'm absolutely mortified and so worried. My 12 year old daughter suffers with anxiety which result in big meltdowns. Its almost like she needs to meltdown in order to self regulate. Last night after I had been talking to her for almost 2 hours about her worries she wanted me to continue but we were going over and over the same worry and I told her it was time for bed. She began to spiral into a meltdown and was shouting and getting upset. It was really late by this point around 10.30/11.00. We were trying to get her to calm down and to stop. Neither my husband or I was shouting at her. However we have holiday makers in the next door house (it's a terrace and the walls are thin). They were obviously concerned and called the police. She was mortified as was i. The police officers were lovely and kind. My daughter explained as did I. They said they took their hats off to me for the situation. However I think they automatically have to file this and I am so worried that they will have to contact the school. Is this the case does anyone know?
I don't know why I am worried as I know there was no safety concern for her. And we did nothing wrong but I just have a knot in my stomach about it. In many ways it was the kick up the bum for us to get her a counsellor - something I had been looking into. I have now found one and booked her an appointment.
I do understand why the neighbour did it. We went round and spoke to them and explained the situation but I feel so wretched about it.

Hi @BananaSpanner no, not APV. Just shouting at us really.
So what I've gleaned from this is that they might but might not depending on how it is reported and possibly where we are. So im just going to be prepared either way. Thank you all for your help. I'm just a bit mortified about it all really. But trying to see that in the end it may turn out to be a positive and kick start some good changes.

It’s ok op you haven’t done anything wrong and it’s not your fault. You’d be surprised the number of people to through this. Hopefully if the school knows they can support you to get her some counselling.

Would it be worth telling the school yourself?

I hope you get some support and you can always reach out yourself if you feel you need it.

I can’t believe the police will tell the school… what was the actual incident? A bit of noise?? It’s not like there was any charges pressed or any results from the police visit- they literally just turned up to a noise complaint from what I can see in your post? I don’t think that will be catalogued as domestic violence.. I cannot imagine the police will do anything further whatsoever. I would imagine the school would be notified if the event was serious and there was an actual result from the police call out, or if they notify SS. Which in your case is absolutely not necessary and I really don’t think they’ll have time to do or think is required! X

I would’ve thought it’s highly likely and totally appropriate that they tell the school

It is so very hard and I only have 1. I was upset over something last week nothing to do with my child but it’s even harder to deal with meltdowns when you’re on the verge of one yourself. Don’t worry.

Please don't be upset to mortified! For one, schools are quite used to these notifications ( I've had 2 this weekend!) and for another, you haven't done anything wrong- whereas in most notifications I get, a parent has! But it is worth speaking to the pastoral lead at school to see what support might be available for your daughter. Even if it's just someone to talk to, it will be a start towards support.

Oh my goodness my daughter’s anxiety started at 12. Let me guess she is in her first year of high school?
my daughter also did not want anyone to know. it’s been four years of hell for all of us. Please speak to your GP as this sounds like it is going to get worse before it gets better.
your daughter is having issues processing her emotions. It is possible she has been masking neuro divergence but is now feeling overwhelmed.
my daughter ended up having inattentive adhd and ocd.
she also ended up having PoTS which is triggered by puberty and misdiagnosed as anxiety. Basically her nervous system is as immature and she was getting adrenaline shots to increase her heart rate which meant she felt anxious a lot. You can tell if someone possible has pots but taking their heart rate lying down and then get them to stand unaided and take their heart rate again three minutes later. If their heart rate goes up by 30/40 per minute in that 3 minutes rye could have pots.

Yes they will inform the school, however I'd expect school to be aware anyway. They can help also just be aware if she's over tired etc. I'm really surprised all of this has been going on and they don't already know.

Shocked people are saying it's nonsense or they are surprised that school will be informed. I'm in Scotland so I guess it could be different but it really should be happening. It might seem minor in this case but having these things on record can help build a bigger picture if other incidents go on to happen. School could have things recorded that again on their own seem insignificant on but together with reports from other agencies build a bigger picture. In this case it might mean the dc will get in school support that she was previously missing out on. In others it could mean that child protection issues are picked up on. Any police call out here involving a dc will go to the HV or head teacher. My ex once called police to do a welfare check as he found out I was taking dc on holiday (to stay with his sister - not abroad). He was often doing stuff like that around that time and school and HV had quite the pile of reports, none of which involved any concern for my DC's wellbeing. Thankfully they were usually happily asleep and were none the wiser.

@liveforsummer I think you are wrong here. I think they will be very surprised. She is very good at masking it and is outwardly confident. She is extremely well behaved at school and always has been - works hard, has always had consistently excellent reports. I work with children - some are very different at home where they feel very comfortable than they are at school.

I mean pp's surprised that the school will be notified

If you md your dh weren't shouting, what was she shouting that made the neighbours think the police needed to be called?

It might help you and your DD get more helpful support if you do speak to the school. If the reaction to anxiety is ongoing there may be ways of introducing more accessible self regulation strategies into her routine.

Is your DD neuro divergent, asking because aside from ASD in females there are other underlying causes of extreme reactions to anxiety, she could be taking particularly bad reactions to hormones, relationship stress or other things. There is support available for you and your daughter. Involve the school.

Also I also work in a school (and have just done my 3 yearly major child protection training so the protocol is fresh in my mind). It's unlikely still that they will be surprised. We know dc have stuff going on at home that doesn't spill over in to school. I would also notice if a compliant, well behaved dc was coming in to school noticeably tired (as they'd been up worrying or having meltdowns late in to the night in your case). This police report would be a piece of a puzzle (and in this case also a reassurance that nothing worse was going on) and could help us put the correct things in place for the dc. Early intervention is so important with things like this and I'd be glad to know that was going on behind the scenes in a child I worked with

@RedHelenB I actually don't know because we weren't shouting, just her. They arent neighbours we know - they were on holiday. But it was very late at night so perhaps that's why. When we spoke to them he said his wife had had bad experiences in her past so perhaps was more a reaction to that? Either way I do understand why they called as they clearly wanted to be sure everyone was OK.