Police called after daughters meltdown

[Worriedmumnov]

I'm absolutely mortified and so worried. My 12 year old daughter suffers with anxiety which result in big meltdowns. Its almost like she needs to meltdown in order to self regulate. Last night after I had been talking to her for almost 2 hours about her worries she wanted me to continue but we were going over and over the same worry and I told her it was time for bed. She began to spiral into a meltdown and was shouting and getting upset. It was really late by this point around 10.30/11.00. We were trying to get her to calm down and to stop. Neither my husband or I was shouting at her. However we have holiday makers in the next door house (it's a terrace and the walls are thin). They were obviously concerned and called the police. She was mortified as was i. The police officers were lovely and kind. My daughter explained as did I. They said they took their hats off to me for the situation. However I think they automatically have to file this and I am so worried that they will have to contact the school. Is this the case does anyone know?
I don't know why I am worried as I know there was no safety concern for her. And we did nothing wrong but I just have a knot in my stomach about it. In many ways it was the kick up the bum for us to get her a counsellor - something I had been looking into. I have now found one and booked her an appointment.
I do understand why the neighbour did it. We went round and spoke to them and explained the situation but I feel so wretched about it.

Yes it is.,,.health visitors get a copy of the VPRF….every….single…time 🙄

@RoseMartha if the police did contact her school, school wouldn't have told you necessarily - the idea is that they talk to the child (without necessarily explaining what they know).

It wouldn’t trigger encompass in my area either…but school, HV and school nurse would all get a notification

Completely true in my area….we are notified of Childs details and duty practitioner passes on to the relevant school, school nurse and HV ( if appropriate)

Thank you for all your support. It's been an awful weekend because of it. But hopefully we can get her some help and move forward.

All I can say is not in my force they wouldn’t, not for this.

@Worriedmumnov don't worry I've had the police called on me 8 times when my child kicked off! 😂
I can laugh now but it wasn't funny (it was slightly different in that they were using it to feed into the harrassment against us)

But one policeman did actually say it's quite common nowadays for people to call when a child is kicking off which was interesting.

But I just wanted you to know you're not the only one, and nothing bad would come of it, please don't worry

Really humiliating to have a police van outside your house flashing blue as well.
For one call they were sending two cars until he got here, saw me and saw I wasn't a threat and called the second car off.
Awful

Just wanted to say OP, that there’s every chance this can get better with the appropriate support.

I had the police called on me due to MH issues when I was about 16. I’m 35 now, happy and really quite resilient. There were a few difficult years, and I feel awful for what I put my parents through, but the most significant legacy of it all for me is that I’d have a better idea of what to do if my DDs ever suffered.

You’re a good parent and there’s nothing to be embarrassed about at all.

Blimey! That's horrendous for you. Luckily they didn't even bring the car down our road (it's a very small road). Glad you feel better about it all now. Thanks for making me smile and realise I'm not the only one!

Also in Scotland and backing you up 100% re how it works here

We've been in this situation. DS has additional needs, when he was 11 he had a meltdown and someone called the police. He had just started a secondary school, with no transition due to covid, and was incredibly anxious over some homework he was meant to do.

The police officer was very kind and had a chat with DS. Social services were informed, but we just had a letter telling us to get in touch if we needed support. I did actually call, the person I needed wasn't there and never got back to me as promised, so I left it. I've no idea if the kids schools were informed but the officer did ask for them- I told DS's school myself.

I won't lie, it left me a nervous wreck. Any time a car parked near our house that I didn't recognise I'd panic that it was someone from social services. Every time either of the kids made a loud noise, cried, shouted I'd worry that someone could hear them. I eventually ended up on anti anxiety medication. I'm not saying this to scare you but to reassure you that ultimately nothing happened, all my stress was pointless in the end!

I agree. Your daughter sounds sweet as well. It’s probably just a phase (hormones raging, etc). Keep doing what you are doing - plenty of love, lots of calm conversations, a calm and loving atmosphere at home. She’ll be fine.

I work in Children’s Services. Domestic Violence / Abuse is only between adults, so that might mean it isn’t automatically reported to the school - but I’m not sure.

A child being violent / abusive towards parents or siblings is now one of the criteria under the Supporting Families programme. OP - if you are contacted by Childrens Services they may offer Early Help - support could include offering parenting courses and advice on services that could benefit your daughter.

My sons school was informed about something that was just reported - the police weren't directly involved. And he was not even at the school anymore! So I think her school will be informed.
But this may not be a bad thing. Schools (should) have a robust child safety system in place, and should be very discreet about it.

Every police visit is reported to school and this goes for staff as well. It’s part of the new safeguarding legislation.

Which new legislation@Karwomannghia ?

We've had the police here a few times. We actually live directly opposite the rear of the local station! DS is 8, and while it hasn't happened for a while, the police have stuck their head in to check during a couple of meltdowns. They're very kind. I've also had to call 000 twice while out, when DS has eloped. Both times they were absolutely brilliant, came within minutes, and tracked him down. They have a photo of him in their system now, in case it happens again.

That IS domestic violence

No, it’s not for police purposes.

Domestic abuse is any incident or pattern of incidents of controlling, coercive or threatening behaviour, violence or abuse between those aged 16 or over who have been intimate partners or family members, regardless of sexuality.

But it is APVA, which is also covered by Operation Encompass.

(APVA = Adolescent to parent violence and abuse)

I’ve read the OPs post several times and I’m not seeing anything that says that the daughter was abusive towards her parents.

Anyway, we’re going round in circles. Locally to me, this would not trigger a school notification. I doubt CS would notify school either as there is not enough to override consent. Support may be offered as mentioned previously.

Operation encompass, is where school ate automatically notified of the police attending a house where a child lives for domestic violence. As this isn't domestic violence, they may or may not be notified (it depends on how the officer interprets the rules)