Do babies ever get easier?

[Helena1993]

Just.. This...
My baby is 6 months old and while things have definitely gotten easier, it still feels relentless. I still struggle with many night wakings and I just feel like I lost my identity in the process of becoming a mum. I don't do anything I used to do.
I wake up from a difficult night and do the laundry, dishes etc. while entertaining my son. This goes on for the whole day and then we go down to bed and have another difficult night. I'm starting to get depressed. I cried today because I feel trapped.
A friend said it will never get better.... Is it true?

Some parts get better, some parts don’t. And everyone is different. For me I loved the newborn stage but 6-12mo I’m sorry to say we’re probably the worst, as sleep see was really chronic for me by then. Others loved that stage. I think I really started to enjoy it more when they started to speak.

Do you see many friends? I think go out to something every day, basically the baby classes are for you to find mums to moan to to stop you going insane. Solidarity to you.

Well, it does get better when they start sleeping well. For us this happened at 8 months once we night weaned her and started some sleep training. I didn't want to 'lose myself' so carried on doing things I enjoyed that weren't baby related. That did take more effort than before but was worth it as it made me feel good. If you're not going to work in the day, then they day if your own! You could go anywhere and do anything within reason, there's no need to stay home doing laundry. Even going to a nice nearby town you don't usually visit for a coffee and a mooch is a nice day out. It does get better

And I meant to say the sense of loss of identity is normal I think. We are quite a success oriented society and suddenly you go from success at work to success being a nap at the right time etc, you feel you have nothing to show for your day. Can you get any breaks to go and do ‘you’ things?

Obviously it gets better, otherwise no one would have another one!

Are you getting out of the house? Going to baby groups, classes, meeting friends? DS is a crap sleeper but I find getting out for fresh air every day makes a difference to me. I found 6-12 months a bit of a slog though, easier when he started walking.

At 7 months I did a very gentle form of controlled crying and it worked after night 3. It meant that he knew how to self soothe so he would fall asleep by himself and only wake up occasionally once in the night if his dummy fell out. That's when it got considerably easier for me.

Do you go to any baby groups? At 6 months they can start to engage a bit more at groups which can be fun to watch their enjoyment and get to chat to other mums about how hard it is.

Of course it will get better! Your friend is a fool to suggest otherwise. Babies turn into toddlers who can do more for themselves and the more they can do the easier they get :)

It does get better. But not all at once. The person you were before having kids is gone forever and its OK to mourn that life. You get bits of the back, but it comes in stages over time rather than all at once. My kids are 7 and 9 now and my life has changed pretty much every year since having DC1.

It all gets much easier once they sleep and are a bit less dependent. But life doesn't go back to how it was before, maybe that's what your friend means. You have to find a new normal that works for you - for me, that didn't happen by accident, I had to work quite hard to find it. Hope you find yours x

I agree with this. My ds slept well from 8 months so I wasn't always exhausted but I felt fairly worthless.

I countered by setting myself little targets - swimming so many lengths in my hour or taking ds to different places in a week. Getting out and seeing new places helped a lot.
And I went back to work after my year's mat leave.

Every stage has its challenges and its very easy to look back with rose tinted glasses. I liked the newborn stage...apart from the chronic anxiety that something was always wrong with DD.

I did not like 6-10 months - DD suddenly needs all the attention but doesnt have attention span herself for any sort of activity.

I am so far loving age 2-3 - sleep is better, eating is better, she communicates back to me and is SO affectionate and loving and watching her explore the world is great.

Well obviously it gets better because they grow up and become toddlers, children, teenagers and then adults. All stages have some sort of challenge and it can seem relentless when they are small but it does get easier when they can communicate and amuse themselves a bit better.

Two things made it better for me - sleep training and going back to work. We did SPL and I went back to work at 4m both times. I'm a MUCH better mum when it's not all I am.

Honestly? I find from 7months onwards the hardest. DD is 17 months now and she's a delight but it's still hard. I found loss of identity hard as well, things that made me feel better was bits of self care, put a bit of make up on if that's what you did pre DC, any tiny thing that used to make you feel like you. It helps me anyway.

She's my 4th DC so it can't be that bad.

4 kids? I always wanted 2 but after going through the first 6 months I'm not sure if I will have another. Which is sad because I never wanted an only child...

Thank you all for your honest and kind words! When exactly did you feel motherhood was mainly enjoyable?

I went back to work pt at four and five months each time. For me, that's when it got a whole lot easier and enjoyable.
They're now 19 and 17 and never a single regret. Childcare saved me.

It’s lovely when they start to speak and you’re no longer trying to interpret what they want/need!

I remember DS getting an ear infection and he couldn’t tell me what was wrong, he just cried all night.

It recurred when he was two, but he could tell me early on that his ear hurt and we went to the doctor’s before it got worse.

Hang in there, OP, it’ll improve surprisingly soon. I have teenagers now and while I have the angst, etc., it’s fun seeing their personalities develop. For me, preschool onwards has been great, tbh.

No your friend I'd talking bullshit they leave home at 18

Seriously though all the ages and stages have issues even adulthood although it is less now I still communicate with my adult DD almost daily and occasionally I'm useful like when I bought her a kettle 😂

Every stage has challenges and every stage has delights. (Mum of 9 dc ages 21 to 23 months).

Most don't leave home at 18 nowadays. My second has moved aged 20.

I have a 6 and a 3 yr old. I would say 6 months was the worst time with both of them.

It definitely gets more interesting from 18months when they can walk and communicate a bit.

Where is babys dad? Theres no need for you to be with baby 24/7. Arrange to see friends in the day with baby,or in evenings when partner/husband is home to have baby.you do need to make sure you have time to be you as well as mum

When exactly did you feel motherhood was mainly enjoyable?

Depends on the child.

With my DD it was when she could actually talk properly which was about 13 months as she said some funny stuff. However she then knew how to have tantrums....

@Helena1993 I've been thinking about your reply about not wanting more kids after this experience. If you asked me if I wanted another now I'd say no, it's hard work and the sleep deprivation is awful but DD is hilarious, loving, playful and brings us so much joy. Sometimes it's hard to see the nice bits when it feels so hard but I think the best way to describe it is it changes, it won't always be hard with sleep deprivation and a baby on your hip and you do get a bit of self back.