Do babies ever get easier?

[Helena1993]

Just.. This...
My baby is 6 months old and while things have definitely gotten easier, it still feels relentless. I still struggle with many night wakings and I just feel like I lost my identity in the process of becoming a mum. I don't do anything I used to do.
I wake up from a difficult night and do the laundry, dishes etc. while entertaining my son. This goes on for the whole day and then we go down to bed and have another difficult night. I'm starting to get depressed. I cried today because I feel trapped.
A friend said it will never get better.... Is it true?

Maybe you'll think otherwise in a couple years. My mind may change too. Who knows

I'm the opposite of some mums here, found the first 6 months really hard. DS cried a lot, and even eating was difficult (usually eaten one handed whilst cradling DS). From 6 months Ds was much happier, slept better and had a bit of a personality, making the whole experience much more enjoyable. It does get better

It’s going to get so much better! It won’t be long and life will look a lot different. There will be other challenges but it will get better. When you sleep all night and go back to work, you’ll feel so much better.

My parenting mantra was, and still is “ this too shall pass…”
it does. Eventually. Even though when you’re in the thick of it, it’s easy to believe that it’ll never end.
but I had two babies who were utterly crap at being babies. CMPA, silent reflux, tongue ties, sleep and nap resistant.
but it did eventually pass and they are both now young primary ages and I’m still standing, even though there were times I doubted I’d survive this far.

oh, and I’m not too sure that your friend is being much of a friend to say that it will never change. It’s both wrong and cruel imo.

Will I get a life back that is enjoyable? I can't really imagine what it's like to have an older kid. Say 2 or 3 years old. I hate having to carry her everywhere because she isn't mobile yet. I wish she could communicate her needs instead of crying. She's not sitting up yet and I hate being worried about milestones each month. I wish she would show more of her personality. Or sleep through the night. And I mean really sleep through 10-12hrs uninterrupted. Is having a toddler very different from having a baby?

Yes it does.
And surprisingly, I am finding teenagers a total delight.

Between the ages of 5 and 10 is a relatively easy time!

Seriously though I think it depends on the baby. DC1 was pretty easy from around 6 months. DC 2 worse sleeper but I just gave in to co-sleeping and she spent part of every night with me until she was 6. Still worth it for the greater amount of sleep. Lack of sleep is the worst thing about the baby years so any way to mitigate helps.

Also 6-9 months was good because my DC became interested in toys and could be left to sit on a playmat and amuse themselves nearby while I did dinner etc. Mine didn't crawl until 9 months though - harder when they are mobile so maybe invest in a playpen or similar.

Also it gets easier if they settle into one long afternoon nap (maybe around a year?). Then you feel like you get a decent break, so work on nap routines if you can.

Having a toddler (so far... I’m only 21 months in) is SO much better than having a baby. Things improved drastically when we sleep trained at 11 months. And then again once she started walking and talking a few months later. There are still challenges yes, separation anxiety hit hard when I went back to work and tantrums have started, but every day is full of so much joy and laughter now. I remember being where you are now and it’s brutal. But yes in my (admittedly limited) experience it gets so, so much better. Hang in there x

Yes most of them do and you get more used to being their mother too.

In the meantime have a look at and whether you are expecting too much of yourself and be patient with yourself and the situation. Maybe you would benefit from speaking to someone (counsellor) over a few sessions about the changes in your self-identity and lifestyle and how best to both adjust to these changes, and gradually adjust them to what you would like them to be.

It is good that your friend felt she could be honest with you but there are a wide variation in experiences so hers doesn't need to be yours.

In six months from now she will probably be walking. A year after that will be going to play group for a few hours a day. Please do not wish it away. It goes so quick. It's hard because they don't sleep well at this age it's the same for everybody !!! This time will fly and before you know it you have a teenager to worry about. That is the hard time. This is actually the easy part.

I'd much rather deal with teenager problems than this tbh..

Every child is different.

Having a toddler is very different, but not necessarily in an easier way.

The specific things you mention:

1. it really is lovely seeing their personality come out and bring able to genuinely have fun together.

2. the physical slog of carrying them a LOT doesn't end when they become mobile. There's a big difference between then being able to move, and willing to do so, or in the right direction, or at the right time. It wasn't until about 3 for my eldest before I could go out somewhere like town, without taking a buggy or sling. My youngest has mobility issues, so at 3.5, I carry or push her if it's more than about 100m, but even my eldest would kick up a did if it was going somewhere 'boring' and if end up being then it if desperation. They also still like to picked up for cuddles, to see things, press buttons etc, and obviously weigh a lot more. I found toddler's much more physically straining in terms of carrying them, than babies, even if they were carried marginally less.

3. sleep. Some babies sleep well. Many don't. Some toddlers sleep well. Many don't. You can potentially speed things up with 'sleep training' but often sleep is up and down for a few years. At 3.5 & 5, I'm still waiting for mine to sleep through 11-12 hours, though they have had spells of doing so (sometimes for a few months) in the past. My youngest slept worse at 12 months than 12 days. But other babies also through from a few months.

Toddlers can communicate, but that also can mean they are very demanding, as it didn't mean they can be logical. My youngest cried on and off for 4 days at 2, because her dad had finished off her banana -that she'd given him to eat 😂

Naps also reduce, so less chance to catch up on rest/chores. Doing stuff whilst they are awake becomes more tricky because they don't stay in one place, so no putting them in a jumperoo or play mat whilst you cook dinner.

Meeting up with friends becomes tricky as they are lots content to just sit/lie with you, and a simple conversation can take she's because of all they interruptions whilst you both rescue your child from causing havoc/answer a thousand questions.

And then there's juggling work.

So personally = equally bad night sleep + less naps + juggling work + tantrums + having to have eyes at the back of your head = a very exhausting stage.

However, them running to you, giving you a kids and them saying they love you, seeing as the amazing things they are doing and learning, seeing them become little people with their own likes, dislikes and opinions etc, is all amazing.

I wouldn't skip it for anything, but it's very tiring at the same time.

I do find babies hard work and also quite boring. I have a 11 month old and he has been an awful sleeper. I've felt like I've lost my mind and myself at times through sleep deprivation. Getting out the house, to a class or a walk and then also working very part time have helped. Although it is so hard when you are exhausted.

We heard about calm and bright sleep Training. Google it. We started it last weekend and it was horrible but it is now working brilliantly. I have my evenings back and get a good 8/9 hour chunk of sleep.
I hope you find something that works for you x

Mine dropped to 2 night wakings at 10 months which made my life soooo much more manageable. At around 18 months she dropped to 1 night wake up and very ovcasionally (once a fortnight?) sleeps through the night. I feel like a million dollars after such a night.

I find the toddler stage 10000 times easier than the baby stage. She can now talk a little and tell me when she wants a nappy, cuddle, food, drink or play outside. She walks. She's awake the whole morning so we can actually go somewhere and do something but she still naps in the afternoon so I have a break. I looooove this stage.

Ok, sometimes she has a tantrum. I don't care. It's still easier.

For me ( so far) motherhood was most enjoyable from 0-12 months and then again from 2.5 onwards ( mother of 3 boys aged 23 months, 5 & 8) . I love the baby stage and don’t particularly like the toddler stage. Everyone is different though.

@Helena1993 I get this OP, I have a very much wanted and loved 3.5 month old and some days I just really miss my old life and think what have we done, not sure why because it wasn’t exactly riveting before. I think I miss not having the responsibility and the ease of leaving the house. My OH works Sunday-Wednesday and some times I dread these days and feel jealous of him going to work 😯 I haven’t been to any baby groups yet but I’m going to start tomorrow I need to get out and speak to other adults not just the baby and the dog! I don’t want to wish this time away but it is hard, I think its all just an adjustment. I don’t think this time of year helps the weather is always so grey and miserable

It's especially hard when the baby drives me nuts like tonight. She just won't go back to sleep after feeding and changing her diaper (nearing 2hrs). I'm so desperate for sleep. I'm sure I won't be having another baby. I can't do this again.. Every sound she makes just makes me madder while every cell of my body is begging for sleep. Why in the name of God are babies so damn hard to deal with.

It feels like I never get a break. Ever. How can I deal with this constant madness if I don't even get to rest?

It really does get better OP. I found those first 6 months so hard (though none as bad as the first 3 weeks). I too thought I’d never be able to do it again and was sad about it but am currently pregnant. Sleep is do important to how you’re feeling though. Are you able to share night wakes with a partner?

She’s probably ill or having a sleep regression or something ? It won’t last forever. One day at a time and plan tines you can have sleep while someone else has baby if at all possible. Xx

@Helena1993 maybe have a look at how much day time sleep she is getting, she might be having abit too much in the day and that’s why she thinks it’s party time in the middle of the night. If baby’s dad is around could be night do a night feed a couple nights a week so you can get a decent sleep? If not and you can afford it look at putting her in childcare for a day or half a day a week so you can have a daytime snooze and get some things not baby related done.

Babies are hard work, but everytime I find myself getting frustrated I just remind myself she isn’t giving me a hard time she is having a hard time for whatever reason.

We don't share nights which I think is unfair. And sorry to say but the thought of getting pregnant again gives me a panic attack.
Why does anyone want to do this twice? For me it's been hell. Literally hell.

Can you get your partner to share the nights (either staying up late after you've got to bed or getting up early)? Mine used to take the crib into the spare room one night a week so I got a complete break which helped a lot. And he took her for three hours every evening when he got in from work and the time not being 'on call' was really helpful.

I found the first six months absolutely awful. A really really grim experience which I hated. It wasn't helped by having no family support around either. I found it helped to go to a toddler group every weekday - got us out of the house, gave the day a bit of structure and other people to commiserate with.

I also wish I'd gone back to work earlier. I stuck maternity leave out for a full year but was so much happier back at work, and nursery gave us the support we'd been so lacking from family - suddenly you can take a day's annual leave and spend the day in bed whilst they're at nursery!

And I found having a toddler a lot better than having a baby. They're more fun and interesting once they can talk to you. Having a child then turned out to be better than a toddler so the only way is up, basically . We stuck with one child though - there was no way I'd go through the baby year again.

I don’t think raising children ever gets easier but the challenges will manifest in different forms at different ages.
Babies: lack of sleep for parents, colic baby, reflux, won’t settle, constantly has to be watched as they start crawling and walking, constantly monitored as they put everything into their mouth etc..
Toddlers: tantrums, won’t settle, socialising them, are they on the spectrum?…
Young kids: school and all that it entails, bullying, rising cost of educating them..
Pre-teens: peer pressure, whining, sulking, too much energy…
Teens: peer pressure, hormones, growing up, will they turn out to be normal? (whatever that means)
Adults: moving out of nest, will they cope? will they be swallowed by a whale in the ocean? will thy turn into a mass murderer?
The worry never stops.

It really does get better. I'm only 18 months in with DD2 so whilst easier we are still in the thick of it but I can leave her with people up to a whole day if necessary. With DD1 it got massively easier at aged 3 and I got my hobbies back and felt like myself again properly, now she's almost 8 it's getting easier in a big step again as she is really getting very independent.

@Helena1993 you do sound really down/depressed as you mentioned in your first post. Have you spoken to a GP about this, or even your partner? I'm sure if he understands how bad you're feeling then he might be more willing to help out with some of the night wakings?

Could you try some sleep training? There are gentler methods...and once you're sleeping again you'll feel so much better, as it seems like lack of sleep is the root of the problem?

As another poster said - look at how much daytime sleep baby is getting as sometimes them being up for hours in the night means they're having too much daytime sleep.

It sounds like you're not getting out much which won't be helping either - like others have said, try and get out to some baby groups, or meet up with other mums for lunch/coffee. The days really do drag if you're just at home all day.

And remember....everything is a phase! It will get easier, hang in there!